Growing Up
by Myhoniahaka
Summary: "Iruka's face morphed into horror, much like Sakura after he called her pinkie. There was no remembrance of the kids bullying anymore, as everyone was now focused on the awful things he said about himself. A diversion, as Mizuki called it. Maybe school did teach important lessons." A story about emotional trauma, choices, friendship, and romance. But mostly emotional trauma.
1. Chapter 1

Hello and welcome. I'm super excited you clicked on this story and hope you stick around. If not, that's alright. This story is mostly about emotional trauma. There are mentions of physical child abuse, but nothing descriptive. I'm trying to be as psychologically accurate as possible. If there's anything you find inaccurate, please let me know.

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto

 **Warnings:** mentions of physical abuse, neglect, manipulation, emotional trauma, lemons in the far away future, AU, and OOC for plot purposes.

Also, Naruto is 8 in the first few chapters.

Enjoy.

* * *

Ninja was better than orphan.

Even as the parents glared and scoffed when he walked passed, he knew that the title of orphan gave him a bad name. At the moment, they claimed he wasn't normal. That the other kids were better. They said he was ugly. Naruto didn't understand it, but surely the title of ninja would ease their minds. He wanted normal things. Parents. Friends. Food. Games. The orphanage provided all of it and none of it. The older kids were mean. The younger kids ignored him. Sometimes they played with him. Other times they didn't. It was only when Naruto moved from orphanage to apartment that they became friendly, and by then Naruto had moved too far away.

Now he stood at the school gates. Far away was the kid that begged for a chocolate bar. Now he was literate. He was starting school, and Sarutobi-Jiji said he would learn to be a ninja.

He didn't know what a ninja was, but it was a far better title than orphan.

He bounced on the balls of his feet as he waited for a teacher to arrive. He's always wanted to attend school, and only got the chance recently. He arrived at the gates an hour before it started, but that was for the best. Carelady, the woman who ran the orphanage, always said he ruined any kid he came in contact with, so however much he wanted friends, he knew he shouldn't make any. Not if he didn't want to hurt any of the other kids. He was used to it anyways, being alone and friendless. No one ever wanted him, and those that did always changed their mind.

 _It's not_ normal _to be friendless._

"Loser." He heard. Naruto craned his head. He knew he shouldn't—that it was a forbidden feeling—but the knots in his chest released into excitement. The kid behind him was so different from orphan kids. He wore clean clothes that fit snugly around him. They weren't baggy or too small. They weren't stained and black. He wore blue, with a fabric looking so soft Naruto reached out to touch it.

The boy slapped his hand away.

"Hi. I'm Naruto. I'm kinda new here, so…" He trailed off, expecting the boy to introduce himself. He just stared at Naruto, like Sarutobi did when he got an apartment, and Naruto looked down at his feet. The boy said nothing, and Naruto didn't know whether he hadn't heard him or if he was ignoring him.

They ignored him at the orphanage. But these were new people. Kids that didn't know how bad he was. They knew nothing of how he broke dishes or said the wrong things or even that he couldn't read three months ago. He was starting over with a new batch of kids. And although his mind told him they'd be better off without him, his mouth insisted on moving and sprouting nonsense.

That was why the boy ignored him. He opened his mouth and said something wrong.

"I didn't ask." The boy said. And those three words were enough for Naruto to hope again. Maybe he didn't say something wrong. Maybe the kid was shy and needed a little push. Maybe, just maybe, he'd have his first friend today.

"Well, what's your name?" Naruto asked.

"Shut up." He felt his excitement wane. Would all the kids be like this? Or was it just this one? School was supposed to be a drastic change from his time at the orphanage, yet this kid acted like the other kids.

Was he wrong? Was school the hell of the orphanage? Were the kids just as bad here as they were there? "Ok." He said, turning back to the school. Perhaps it was best if he stayed silent, that way no one heard how wrong he always was, how stupid he'd always been.

It was an hour before the teacher came in to unlock the doors. Naruto had sat crossed legged before the door, telling himself there were tons of kids and not all of them would be like this one. And as each minute passed, he became acutely aware of how little he cared for the boy across him. There _would_ be other kids, and at least one of them was bound to be nice. So, with renewed confidence, he bounced off the ground, eyes gleaming, and walked through the doors.

Not knowing where to go, Naruto followed the boy to class, assuming they were the same age and had the same class. As he knew only the boy and no one else had arrived, Naruto sat next to him. He wrung his hands together, bruising his lip as he watched students file in. He could talk to one, try to make a friend. But what if they ended up wanting to silence him like the kid beside him had? What if they heard the demon within him? The monster? What if they could see it with only a glance?

The teacher glanced at him once, twice, thrice, then checked a paper. Naruto shuffled in his seat. Kids were one thing, they did as they were told. But adults were different. They held the power, the authority. They did what they wanted, took what they wanted, punished when they wanted, and had all the control in the world. Adults were what he never wanted in life. They gave him what he didn't want, and he wanted to get away from them before they could get near.

Naruto looked down at his desk, choosing instead to be good and unnoticed than bad and get full attention. He didn't always know why they wanted to hurt him, but they did, and being invisible seemed to be the cure.

The boy leaned close to him. He hadn't smiled a bit since arriving, unlike Naruto, whose smile went out to everyone that passed him. He should probably find a seat next to someone who wanted him near, not by a kid who simply told him to shut up.

"You know," the kid said. Naruto turned his head, excitement growing. The boy had spoken to him without prompting. To him! Maybe he had chosen the right seat, and didn't need to move at all. "If you act small, people treat you like your small. Put your head up. Look forward. And pretend to know what your doing."

Naruto looked the boy, then at the teacher. He'd always looked down, from the day he was born to the day he started school. It'd been part of him since his first beating to his first apartment. Looking down was safe. It was easy. It was simple. He went unnoticed, he apologized, he moved on.

"That's what my mom told me. Seems to work."

"Oh." Naruto said, "she sounds nice, your mom, I mean."

Carelady was the only mom Naruto had ever known, and she was the meanest person he knew.

"Shut up."

Naruto took his advice. He put his head up, looked forward, kept his eyes trained on the teacher. _If you look small, they treat you like your small._ He hoped beyond anything he'd hope for, well, besides school, or course. But nothing happened. People still passed him by. They glanced at him, turned their heads, and moved away.

 _If you look small, they treat you like your small._ But if he looked up, if he looked forward, they still thought him invisible. He was a petty, unimportant person, and they knew it. Why try to look better than you were? Why act as if you knew everything? Why pretend?

Nevertheless, he kept trying, and when his head started leaning down, he forced it back up. He tried smiling and waving too, still not saying a word. Most waved back at him, so he must've been doing something right. But when two girls walked up to him, he knew the boy's advice was sound. Perhaps he'd have to meet the boys mother and thank her, as the two girls were looking at him and only him.

"Why are you sitting next to Sasuke-kun?"

Naruto frowned. Her eyes were a deep emerald, contrasting with her bubblegum hair. Naruto had thought she wanted to talk, or at least introduce herself. But it was about the boy next to him. Sasuke, the one who told him to look up. Had Naruto stolen this girl's seat? Why hadn't Sasuke told him? He would have moved. He could have had a nice friendship with the girl had her first impression had not been one of a thief.

"Did I take your seat. I'm sorry. Just let me grab my—"

"We don't have assigned seats." Sasuke said. Naruto looked at him, then back to the girl. No assigned seats? Then why was she asking for the seat Naruto chose?

"But she's—"

"Being annoying. You don't have to move."

"Of course, you have to move." The other girl said. She had longer, paler hair than the other. "Sasuke-kun wants to sit by me."

Naruto glanced between the two girls. They both wanted his seat? But there was only one, and the chairs weren't nearly big enough for two people. Maybe they should have come in earlier, taken the seat as Naruto did, and things would be settled. Now, they wanted to kick him out? He'd claimed the seat first, and unless the teacher came in and told him to move, he was staying.

"Besides." The pink haired girl said, grimacing, "Your clothes are filthy. Sasuke-kun shouldn't have to endure you for a whole hour."

Naruto looked down at himself. His clothes were baggy, but they were clean, not a stain in place. His favorite orange gleamed proudly off him. He'd bought it for this day. And the other clothes he'd bought fit better and were far more colorful than the grey of orphanage clothes. Was it truly filthy? Had he chosen the wrong outfit to wear? Looking around, he saw that other students wore nothing similar to his attire, and suddenly, he felt more out of place than ever.

"Maybe you should get your hair checked, pinkie. Are you sure Sasuke wants to see _that_ for a whole hour."

He hadn't meant to be mean. He didn't want to be mean, especially on the first day. This was what was done in the orphanage, when kindness lost its appeal and all the children turned on one another. The words spoken were some of the harshest Naruto had ever said. He had grown used to talking back (never at adults), and enjoyed when the older kids sat them all down to give a lesson on insults and comebacks.

Sasuke quirked a brow, as if surprised he'd had the guts to speak such atrocities. The girl looked down at her hair, caressing it before turning to Sasuke. Naruto winced. This day was supposed to be filled with laughter. He was meant to befriend everyone, yet here he was, acting like he did when carelady wasn't watching.

"How can you say that?" She said, pushing her hair behind her ear. "It's so mean."

"So is calling my clothes filthy." It was the only defense he had. No apology. No regrets. The older kids put emphasis on that lesson. Never regret what you said lest you prove them right, especially when they provoked you first.

She'd given the first attack. He defended himself.

The girl looked over to Sasuke, down to her hair, then back to Sasuke before running off to another seat.

Naruto stood up, ready to give his seat to the blond girl. She'd been significantly nicer than the other, and he was feeling a tinge of regret. Maybe he should've given up the seat before his mouth took over his brain. That way he'd still have a chance of something good happening.

The girl didn't seem happy to have his seat, and instead of standing away so he could move, she stepped closer, blocking his path down the aisle. "Your clothes are filthy. That's just a fact. You had no right to talk to Sakura that way." She said, before storming off besides the other girl. Naruto plopped down, brushing his hands through his hair. This wasn't supposed to happen. This wasn't what he planned. He wanted to be friendly. He wanted to learn stuff. He wanted—he wanted…

Not this.

"Well," Naruto looked towards the front, where the teacher was writing something on the board. "Now that that's settled, we should start class."

He hadn't realized how silent things had gotten until then. All—or at least most—students had arrived, and were staring in Naruto's direction.

They heard everything. From the insult the girls gave him to the insult he'd given back. They heard his mouth sprout attacks for no reason other than to… to what? Defend himself? He could have moved. He could have kept silent. He could have done anything besides hurt another person.

Too late now.

"Loser." Sasuke said. Naruto let himself sink under his desk, never looking up at the teacher or the students. He was invisible once more, forgotten, as it had always been, and as it should be.

* * *

The next few months were spent as if he were still at the orphanage, only no one hit him. He had deemed his teacher 'the devil' because he had a way of torturing Naruto without laying a finger on him. He continued sitting by Sasuke, not because he wanted to be near him, but because he got a kick out of Sasuke's suffering at sitting next to the loser of class. The girls—Ino and Sakura—if he remembered correctly, hadn't stopped their goal of sitting in Naruto's seat, and he refused to hand it over.

His fate was sealed the moment Sasuke labeled him a loser. And now, that was all he was. The class took Sasuke's words as law, as if he were the king and they the followers. Naruto couldn't correct them because they weren't wrong. He _was_ a loser. He started school knowing only how to speak. Reading was something he wasn't taught until recently, and math too, was foreign until Sarutobi-jiji handed him his own tutor. And even with that tutor, it wasn't enough. Grammar had him trapped. As proven in taijutsu practice, his muscles were nonexistent. Ninjutsu was somehow worse, as his chakra decided to go wacko over even the most basic of techniques. All the necessities to be anything within school grounds he didn't have.

Today's lesson involved basic math, a required curriculum even for those becoming ninja. They were allowed to work in groups, but every time Naruto tried asking for help someone always gave him the wrong answer.

Iruka-sensei never did a thing.

He stole a glance at Sasuke. He was the king of the school, even managing to silence the class when the teacher couldn't. People listened to him. They _worshipped him,_ a kid who was no better than anyone else, yet had everything people strived to gain.

It took one word from Sasuke Uchiha for Naruto to become the outcast.

Even so, no one laid a hand on him. No one bruised him. No one hit him.

He saved enough money to buy a stuffed dog. That was more than anything he'd ever had before.

"Hey." Naruto resisted the urge to glare beside him. Kiba was notorious for picking on lesser students, and had taken to Naruto as his next target. Naruto had been ignoring him, hoping that he'd leave him alone as the orphan kids often did when they got no response to provocation. But Kiba refused to let up, even after months of receiving nothing but nods and glares from other students.

"Hey, I'm talking to you."

There wasn't much time left in class, and Naruto still hadn't finished the worksheet. Iruka-sensei would pull him after class again from another chat on how he needed to do his work. He stared at each problem, looking at all the lines and numbers. Iruka-sensei said something about long division (and he thought multiplication was bad) and suddenly school had become far more complicated.

"Fine, ignore me again. But I'm having trouble with number thirteen." Kiba pulled out his own worksheet, pointing to the problem with his pencil, "think you can help?"

Naruto's paper was blank.

"Oh wait, you can't even write."

He couldn't figure out number one.

But he sure as hell knew how to write.

For the first time since starting school, he truly felt as if he was going to cry. It had been months of swallowing tears, and weeks of hiding fading bruises. He's been tossed around and mocked all at once. School was far too similar to the orphanage to be safe. The teacher saw and heard everything yet did nothing, and the king set Naruto up for hell before he'd even begun.

"Would you shut up, already? No one cares, Kiba. No one. Just shut up."

He couldn't figure out basic math.

He bit his lip. Throwing a pity party here would lead to more taunts, more mockery. Crying certainly wouldn't do him any good, not in a place that was all about appearances. He listened to the scraping chair as he stood, took one look at Kiba, then pushed Kiba aside and walked down the aisle, passed the teacher, and out the door.

"Where do you think you're going?"

It didn't matter where he went, just as long as he was away from there.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Thanks for reading! I have a tumblr account under the same name. If your interested, check it out.


	2. Chapter 2

He wasn't supposed to be listening.

Muffled words resounded through the hall. He pressed his ear against the door, palms flat against the wooden surface. Butterflies fluttered in his stomach as footsteps receded. It wouldn't do to get caught now, especially after Sarutobi-Jiji specifically said to wait in the lobby. This was against the rules, against everything he'd been taught. _Obey adults, be good, and there won't be trouble._ And yet, he wanted to know what was being said. What would they talk about besides him? The fact that Jiji brought Iruka-sensei probably meant it was about his failing grades, poor performance, his lack of ability in everything about the ninja way.

He nibbled on his cheek. Was is possible to hear anything more than incomprehensible speech? Maybe there was some secret technique that could open doors silently? Or was he stuck listening to garbled nonsense until they picked him up? Opening the door a crack could work. But what if it creaked like most old doors? The last time he'd been in the tower he didn't pay mind to the sound of doors. What if his lack of attention truly did cause trouble as Iruka-sensei insinuated?

People passed him by, some pausing to look at the child in front of the Hokage's office before moving on. It was truly relieving not to have all the attention for once. Children never looked like threats. And Naruto's presence in the tower occurred often enough people began to expect him. Even when the adults from the lobby came by, no one dragged him down the flight of stairs.

If only he could figure out how to listen to Jiji and the devil teacher.

 _If I'm caught, then I'm caught. Jiji won't hurt me._

Slowly, he wrapped his hand around the doorknob. It wouldn't do for anyone wandering the halls to notice, so he kept the pretense of confidence, as Sasuke instructed all those months ago. _Head up, eyes forward, pretend your supposed to be here._ He twisted the knob slowly, quietly. Hoping no one heard, no one saw. If they had, he was screwed. They'd stop talking, give him their full attention, and he'd never know what was said about him.

"He's fine, Hokage-same. I'm working with him to improve his grades, so he should be passing soon."

The devil teacher was one of the worst teachers—not as bad as Mizuki, though. Naruto didn't think there was anyone except carelady as bad as Mizuki— but Iruka-sensei, while never putting his hands on Naruto, often called him to the front of class. The materials were rather unknown to him, so it was always with failure that he'd return to his desk. Whether it was because Iruka-sensei thought he knew the course work, or if he found it fun, Naruto didn't know. But he was _so sick_ of being called up front when the teachers knew that he _didn't know anything_.

And Iruka-sensei was lying. Naruto often watched as the devil teacher sat students down to help them, but when he requested help he was ignored. Passing was further away than it had been when he started. Iruka-sensei never did anything to help, never even talked about his grades. No one did anything but watch and tell him he'd have to start the year over with a new batch of students.

Somehow, he already knew that new students wouldn't be any better than what he already had.

"You said that two weeks ago, Iruka. Mizuki openly admitted to standing by as Naruto's grades slipped. Why hasn't anything changed?"

 _Because I don't understand anything_.

Mouth agape like a fish in open water, he readied to jump in there and exclaim that Iruka-sensei was a liar and should be punished accordingly. Jiji couldn't just stand by as he was lied to like that. Carelady sure didn't take it, and he doubted anyone wanted a liar in their midst. Iruka-sensei was being bad, and this was a chance for Naruto to force Jiji to punish an adult as they'd punished him.

Maybe he could get Iruka-sensei fired.

Maybe Iruka-sensei would get hit.

Maybe Iruka-sensei wouldn't receive punishment at all.

But as he readied himself to run in, he recalled how Jiji ordered him to stay in the lobby. He wasn't supposed to be out here. Eavesdropping wasn't allowed. It didn't matter that he caught Iruka-sensei in a lie. He was also breaking the rules. Naruto was told to stay in the lobby, _and he left_ knowing it wasn't allowed.

He shuffled back from the door, ready to run like kids at a playground. One sound and they'd know he was where he shouldn't be. One mistake and he'd be dragged away for whatever reason they came up with. Iruka-sensei wouldn't receive punishment because Naruto broke the rules to catch him in a lie.

 _Jiji won't hurt me._

"Naruto isn't an easy child, Hokage-sama. He never listens to me, and never does his work. Do you want me to give him special treatment while all the other kids actually _earn_ their grades?"

Most days, textbook after textbook found its way upon his desk. Taijutsu, while it started out difficult, became easy to master once his muscles formed and time passed. The paperwork, the math and writing, and the history went in one ear and out the other. His fingers often ached after hours of writing and _still_ he couldn't grasp simple concepts. Sasuke, on occasion, took pity on Naruto and gave him an answer. But it was never enough. _Nothing_ was ever enough because Naruto didn't understand.

"Maybe we should have Naruto explain, then. Unless you already know why he's not working?"

"Because he's lazy, disobedient, and shouldn't even be enrolled."

Sitting there with the knowledge that teachers thought him horrible was drastically different from hearing the words spill. The world shifted below and above, and he felt as if someone, somewhere, had hit him all over. Maybe carelady had returned and tossed him to the ground. That would certainly explain the dizziness. Or perhaps his body was simply recoiling from actually hearing his thoughts portrayed from another.

 _He wouldn't have said it if he knew I was here._

"I wish you hadn't said that."

"Let him in then. Have him explain why he doesn't listen or work."

They'd see him out here soon, breaking the rules. But he didn't want to move anymore. Iruka-sensei deserved to know that Naruto heard everything, so he waited and waited. But the doors never opened. There was only silence. No one came for him. No one moved. No one caught him breaking the rules.

"Naruto, I know you're out there. Come on inside." Jiji said.

They knew he was there? The whole time? Had Iruka-sensei said those things for the sole purpose of making him hear it? No. Even the devil teacher had his limits. Calling Naruto those awful things knowing he was listening was one of the boundaries he wouldn't cross. Then why did Jiji let him say it? Why not simply call him in before anything was said?

 _Because they want you to hear._

He pushed that voice to the back of his mind. It belonged nowhere near his thoughts, let alone so close to the truth.

Rather than moving as Jiji ordered, Naruto stood frozen where he was. His shoulders tensed some time ago, and still he didn't move.

 _Jiji won't hurt me_.

Not until tomorrow morning when school started again and Jiji wasn't there to stop the devil teacher.

In a desperation experienced only at the orphanage, Naruto clung to the possibility that Iruka-sensei wouldn't do anything. Maybe the devil teacher was stupid and thought Naruto knew the answers. Maybe all those times he'd been called up front happened because Iruka-sensei had faith in Naruto.

Then why, after failure after failure, did he _keep_ calling on Naruto?

 _Jiji could do something about it._

"The kids pick on me sometimes." Naruto said, stepping beyond the door to see them watching him. "Iruka-sensei doesn't do anything."

"You don't stop the kids, Iruka? That doesn't seem like you."

The pinpricks of anxiety washed through his fingertips. This was tattling. This was hurting someone else because he wanted to. The kids he could handle. They were no better than the orphanage children. It was the adults he hated. Naruto had accused the devil teacher of the wrong crime. To stop being called up front was what he wanted. He never raised his hand, so obviously calling on him meant they knew the answer was unknown to him. But the kids were who he was tattling on now, not Iruka-sensei.

"With all due respect, Hokage-sama, he might need the criticism to be a better ninja. And with him being—with _that thing_ — I'm sure he can handle it just fine."

"He's a child."

"Yes, but—"

"No buts. You will put a stop to the other kid's actions towards him."

Oh god. The kids would know he tattled. They'd put him in the same category as Kiba—which, while not nearly as bad as his current reputation, the title of tattler would only add to the resentment. Wasn't it better to be hated as he was than to be hated for something more? He'd done nothing to the kids, so Naruto could rest assured that the crimes against him were their fault, not his. But the moment the kids got word that he'd tattled, they'd have a reason to hurt him.

"They don't have to be. I'm fine. It's fine. I'm a bad kid anyways, so it doesn't matter. The kids don't need to stop."

Iruka-sensei seemed confused by his words. Rather than lighting like a firework at getting off the hook, his lips turned into a frown, brows furrowing as the scar upon his noes scrunched up. Naruto shuffled to the side, locking his fingers together. Why was he staring like that?

"Did he just say that?" Iruka said, "did you just call _yourself_ bad?"

 _Head up, eyes forward, look confident._ He resisted the urge to stare at his feet, and instead, looked to Jiji. If anyone could get him out of this, it was him. Jiji may have been distant on their first meeting, but Naruto was out of the orphanage. No one hit him. No made him wash dishes while half asleep. That was because of Jiji, who had helped him along the way of adjusting to life from orphanage to independence.

But looking at Jiji now, he knew he was on his own. This was one problem he'd have to solve himself. If Naruto wanted out of this mess, then he needed to find a valid reason for what he said. Communication was important, Jiji always said, and this might be one moment when Naruto had to talk his way out of a problem.

 _No way are the kids getting a_ reason _to hurt me._

"I'm lazy and disobedient. You said so yourself."

With great pride, Naruto realized he did a fantastic job. Iruka-sensei's face morphed into horror, much like Sakura's expression after he'd called her pinkie. There were no cruel intentions or remembrance of the kids bullying anymore, as everyone was now focused on the awful things he'd said about himself. A diversion, as Mizuki-sensei called it. Maybe school did teach important lessons, after all.

"I hope to see some changes, Iruka. You're dismissed. Come, Naruto. I'll walk you home."

And walk home they did. Naruto held onto Jiji's hand on the way, silent for once on their trip. Jiji didn't seem to be in the talking mood. But right as he dropped Naruto off at his door, he asked Naruto a question he hadn't been expecting. "You know you're not bad, right?"

He blinked, shrugging as he unlocked the door. "I said that as a distraction. Don't want to be a tattle teller, right?"

"Its a yes or no question."

"Eh, doesn't really matter though. Questions are questions." Naruto slammed the door on Jiji's face, getting a cup of instant ramen and putting it in the microwave.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** I know. I know. I'm horrible. It's been over a month since I last updated. Life got in the way of my writing schedule and I am ashamed to say that I have not been writing much. I'm trying to get back into things now though. And hopefully, updates will comes much quicker.

I recommend _A Wave Goodbye_ by NeonicBeast. It's fast paced, has an interesting beginning, and the potential to be an incredibly fascinating story.

Hope you enjoyed.


	3. Chapter 3

Graduation day was supposed to be the hallmark to freedom. He'd no longer be in school. Sakura and Sasuke would be out of his life, and if he were lucky, he'd make it on a team with Hinata, a shy girl who was neither nice nor mean. Four hellish years of academic failure, countless humiliating attempts at ninjutsu, and splendid taijutsu had hardened him enough that their words turned into just that. Words. So long as no one physically hurt him, he was fine. But there was nothing to prepare him for Iruka-sensei's idea of a team. Even after Mizuki revealed himself a traitor and gave Naruto a taste of the ninja life, he was still as unequipped as when he first walked through the academy gates.

"Sakura Haruno, Naruto Uzumaki, and Sasuke Uchiha."

Iruka-sensei knew the trouble Sasuke caused. Ever since that encounter with Jiji, his teacher had been nicer. Tutorials were given as often as possible, and Naruto had come to grasp concepts he hadn't before. He still struggled with school and tests, but at least he had help now.

His jaw tightened as teeth ground together. Iruka-sensei _knew_ Sasuke was horrible, and yet they were put on the same team? It would never work. Sasuke saw him as nothing but a loser with minor skill in taijutsu, and Sakura was too idiotic to see the bastard Sasuke was. How were they supposed to work together when they hated each other? All these years the words of Sakura had grown colder and the assignment answers from Sasuke grew less.

He flinched as Sakura squealed in delight, hands cupping her mouth to muffle high pitched screams. Her body shook as she stood, exclaiming to Sasuke of how happy she was. Sasuke's twitching eyebrow was the only sign of annoyance he gave. Avoiding Sakura was the only thing they worked together on. And now, they were stuck with her.

But Naruto wasn't one to stay silent. Sasuke could sit there and take this cruel punishment, but Naruto had dealt with too much pain and sorrow to let himself be pushed around. Sitting down and taking punishment was no longer happening. He was a ninja. And where he failed at ninjutsu he exceeded in taijutsu. He wasn't helpless anymore. He knew the language in both the written and spoken form. He was better than he used to be, and he knew when someone was bullshitting him.

"I can't work with them." Naruto said, "give me another team."

These four years had been far too miserable for him to allow any suffering as a ninja.

Iruka-sensei had the grace to look at him. Pity shrouded pale brown eyes. Naruto clenched his fist. No way was Iruka-sensei doing this to him. There was too much cruelty in this one decision that even carelady could've seen everything wrong with it. Konohagakure valued their ability to work together, and in a team like this, there was no balance. They were too different. And Naruto had suffered by their hands far too long to even consider working with them a possibility.

"Teams are decided based on each student's ability as a ninja. Sasuke's ninjutsu will balance yours. Your and Sasuke's taijutsu will balance Sakura's. And Sakura's brain balances both your abilities to think. That is how teams are chosen. It cannot be undone. I'm sorry, Naruto. But they are your team."

"How could a team be balanced when we can't spend five minutes without fighting? There has to be someone else that could accommodate for my weaknesses."

"It's already been done, Naruto. Please be quiet so I could inform the rest of the class of their lives after this."

Naruto shut his mouth, seeing the anger he portrayed as fruitless now. Iruka-sensei wouldn't do anything. But perhaps Jiji would. He'd have to stop by the Hokage tower later to discuss an alternative team. One with, preferably, the Hinata girl who had the decency to leave him alone.

Or perhaps she was simply too shy to approach.

Naruto set his head down on the desk. He wasn't one to mull over things, especially when he had yet to do everything in his power to change it. Jiji had to see reason where Iruka-sensei did not. Because if he didn't… if Jiji sided with Iruka and forced Naruto onto this team…

Then he was forever trapped in a world of hurt when his rise into genin should have been his release.

He blocked out Iruka-sensei's voice, choosing instead to close his eyes until his new teacher showed up.

* * *

Their teacher was four hours late.

Naruto was sprawled across the table, arms and legs hanging over the edge. There was nothing to do but stare. Even the bookshelf had become useless, as Naruto had devoured all the books years ago and was not in the mood for a reread on the history of Konohagakure. Sasuke sat poised, hands clasped neatly on his lap, and eyes staring straight ahead, with no other expression than one of a bastard. Hours of nothing but staring and Sasuke _still_ looked as eloquent as when he gracefully twisted his body until taijutsu became a technique only _he_ could understand. Sakura however, wouldn't shut up. Complaint after complaint poured through her mouth. She doubted their jounin instructor's ability and slammed her palms onto the desk, screaming obscenities at a man who wasn't even there. They had long since stopped trying to get her to shut up.

"I could be doing _so_ many other things right now." Naruto said. He needed to speak to Jiji and water his goddamn plants. There was training to be done, ninjutsu to practice and taijutsu to perfect. He'd thought of practicing in the classroom, but decided he didn't want an audience, let alone with _Sasuke and Sakura._

He'd have to get used to their prying eyes if they were a team.

"Shut up, Naruto. No one wants to hear your stupid voice."

"And you think we want to hear yours? Just shut up already, Sakura. We get that our teacher is late. _Deal with it_ and stop complaining." Naruto said.

A puff of smoke shimmered by the doorway. Naruto sat up faster than a kid running from lecturing parents. A masked man stood by the door, hand held up halfway in a sorry excuse of a wave. A jounin vest sat proudly on his chest. _Finally._

"About time you got here." Sakura said, eyes piercing as she glared at their new teacher. Naruto sighed, the anger pulsing through him earlier all but gone. "We've waited _four hours._ What took you?"

"I got lost on the road of life. Meet me on the roof."

A deep, sullen voice wafted through. Naruto rose a brow, mind imperceptibly thinking of the lazy way Sasuke spoke. Was their teacher uncaring too? Gods, Naruto couldn't handle another Sasuke.

"And I hate all of you." The teacher said before disappearing in the same smoke he'd arrived in.

 _Yup. He's as much of an ass as Sasuke._

"Fuck." Naruto said, wringing a hand through his hair as they headed to the roof. "I hate him already."

Jiji would put Naruto on another team else he was quitting as a ninja. Nothing, even a life where he _earned_ a living wage, was worth putting himself through the same hell for many more years than necessary.

"I think we all do." Sasuke said. They walked side by side, hands in pockets. Sakura's gentle footsteps was the only sign she was behind them. It was a strange thing, really. To be ahead of someone for once, even if it was only walking. Naruto had always fallen behind in life, and yet, he was now ahead of Sakura. "Let's just hope he's competent."

Naruto didn't particularly care if their teacher was a capable ninja. He merely wanted a living wage, nothing more, nothing less. Becoming a shinobi was simply the fastest and easiest route to that as most shops didn't hire children.

"Yeah." He said, "let's hope he is."

But just because he didn't care for the ninja life didn't mean he had to ruin it for someone else. Sasuke legitimately wanted this. He trained daily to work on his already graceful and superb skills. Sasuke even _asked_ Naruto to spar. Apparently, he was the only tolerable person in the class. _Whatever that means._ And his taijutsu was good enough to warrant acknowledgement from Sasuke. Naruto went along with it so as not to spur a fight. They often sparred Tuesdays and Wednesday's. But never on weekends. Naruto forbade _any_ extenuatingactivity on weekends. The fights were packed with adrenaline and time-worthy practice. Sasuke taught Naruto as much as Naruto taught Sasuke. And thought he hated to admit it, Sasuke helped Naruto get better.

Still, Naruto found no shame in feigning exhaustion when Sasuke's face insulted him. That always pissed Sasuke off as he never knew when Naruto would cancel their session.

* * *

Introductions were less than perfect. Sloppy at best, downright insulting as worst. Sakura swooned and blushed like the stupid lovesick girl she was. Sasuke, ever emotionless, spoke of _killing someone_ as if he talked of dinner. And Naruto flat out confessed his hatred for everyone in the team. Their sensei, Kakashi, wore a mask so far up his face only one eye was seen. The forehead protector hung over his left eye, and Naruto wondered if he was handicapped. Not many shinobi would choose to hide their eye unless something was seriously wrong with them.

"We'll meet at training ground 7 at five in the morning. Don't be late. If you eat breakfast, you'll throw up. _So, don't eat."_

Again, with a damnable puff of smoke, Kakashi was gone, leaving three hateful children in his wake.

"Worst sensei ever." Sakura said.

And for once, Naruto agreed with her.

He even caught Sasuke tilting his head up in a nod.

* * *

Vomiting be damned. Breakfast was Naruto's heaven. And if he risked losing it in training, so be it. He wasn't sure if the others would choose to starve, but they'd be stupid to listen to a man who was unpunctual and didn't care.

He'd gone to Jiji shortly after Kakashi left. The trip to the tower was filled with the pounding of his heart and fidgeting hands. He knew, although had high hopes he was wrong, that Jiji might not put Naruto on a different team. If Iruka-sensei was truthful and teammates were chosen by ability and not compatibility, it was unlikely Jiji would do anything.

And he was right. Team seven was his permanent team now, whether he wanted it or not. Naruto had tried threatening to quit, but the words refused to leave his mouth.

He couldn't rely on Jiji's money forever. He _needed_ to make his own and earn his housing arrangements.

He pulled on a jacket and slipped out the door. It had taken years to get to where he was now, and no team, no matter how awful they were, was bringing him back to that insecure child he used to be. Words were just words, nothing more. It didn't matter that they called him freak and loser. He knew better. Jiji told him he was none of those things. Sometimes, he allowed himself to wallow in self pity. But he flushed that pity and moved on soon afterwards. Sasuke would be fun to spar with. That was a good thing in all this. And Naruto knew to block anything Sakura called him. He could handle it. He could handle _them._

Sometimes, on a particularly bad day, he did revert to that child from so long ago.

There may be many bad days ahead of him now. He'd have to keep a straight mind and a strong act.

 _Head up, eyes forward, look confident._

It was amazing how _Sasuke's_ words were the ones he most relied on when Naruto hated him more than anything in the world.

Sasuke and Sakura were already at the training ground when he arrived. The air was chilly without the sun, moon risen so high it illuminated dark shadows into eerie shapes. The bag of chips he'd stuffed in his pockets wrinkled as he sat on plump grass. Sakura had her knees up to her chest, eyes closed and with bedhead still resting upon her hair. She had the decency to get dressed, at least. Unlike, Naruto, who had crawled out of bed and stuffed a jacket on before walking out with froggy pajamas proudly adorning him. Sasuke seemed in better shape than Sakura. Gelled hair spiked behind his head, clothes the same navy blue. He sat crossed legged against a tree, head tilted to the sky.

"You had breakfast, didn't you?" Sasuke said, "what's gonna happen if you throw up?"

Naruto shrugged. Did it matter? If he was a pile of shit crawling with nausea at the end of the day, then Kakashi was trustworthy. That was his mess to deal with, not Sasuke's. If he wasn't vomiting, Kakashi lied and Naruto knew not to believe every word of their teacher.

"I'll figure it out. Do you always listen to the words of strangers?"

Sasuke didn't respond. Naruto hadn't expected him to.

"I'm going to sleep." Sakura said, "wake me when he's here."

It took five hours for Kakashi to arrive.

* * *

This chapter was impossible to write, and I still don't like it. After the next chapter, things will diverge from canon more. Also, I've finally finished the outline to this story, and lo and behold, it's a romance (SasuNaruSasu). There will be lemons in later chapters. I'll warn you when it happens. If this drives you away, then feel free to leave. If not, enjoy the journey.

I recommend _Uzumaki_ by AlmostElectric. The story is emotional, realistic, makes me a sucker for the pairing (more than I already am), and gives a different take on the characters and canon.

Hope you enjoyed. Please review.


	4. Chapter 4

The bell test was a sham.

His stomach knotted into that familiar gut-wrenching feeling of lies. His brain wracked for answers as he recalled Jiji's congratulations on him becoming a ninja. The Third Hokage himself informed Naruto he was a ninja. Yet Kakashi had told him otherwise. Two bells, three people. One of them was getting sent back to the academy. _Bullshit._ He'd spent too long surviving that wretched place to go back. And yet, as Sasuke and Sakura ran for the trees, Naruto stayed in place, eyes gazing up at _another_ liar. No jounin could twist the words of the Hokage. They were all ninja, and no bells were changing that.

Wind billowed his hair into his face. Naruto brushed strands of blond behind his ear and plopped to the ground, arms folded over his chest. Kakashi was a liar. There was no confirmation, but his twisting stomach was the same feeling he got when someone lied.

"This is bullshit." Naruto said.

Sasuke would surely be cursing Naruto's idiocy, even though he was the smart one here. How could they not spot a liar? There was zero chance of returning to the academy for any of them. Jiji said so himself. And had there been anyone who was set back before? No genin could stand a chance against a jounin. If this were truly a test of capabilities, then hoards of former students would have returned to the academy over the years.

But in the four years Naruto had been in school, there wasn't a single new student.

Why were Sasuke and Sakura so stupid?

Why did all teachers lie?

"I'm sorry you feel that way, Naruto. But your teammates are working on their own. Perhaps you should help them." Kakashi said.

"They don't deserve my help."

"But they might _need_ your help. Are you willing to deny someone their dream because you felt it wasn't worth your time?"

There was no reason to help them. Sasuke wanted to go about becoming a competent shinobi alone, and Sakura was too busy fantasizing of marrying Sasuke to think of better goals. None of those dreams needed Naruto's help. And if they did, why should he bother? They hadn't helped him any. Why should he help them?

"No one ever needs my help. Why is this any different?"

Kakashi pulled out the orange book Naruto often saw in the library. The librarian never let him check it out, and Naruto only recently learned why after he peered over someone's shoulder and read the word breast.

That was a word he had never read before, and it was not one he was ready to explore.

"It's sad that you think that. Understandable. But sad. I find that at some point in life, _everyone_ needs help. Whether they get it depends on the situation and if they helped others before. Wouldn't it make sense to gain people's favor? Or would you rather watch as your friends stumble?"

"I don't have friends."

A piercing scream shattered anything Kakashi might have said next. Naruto whipped his head into forest, feet placed firmly on the ground as Sakura's voice faded into nothing. He should go in there and see if she was okay. But wasn't Sasuke already doing that? _God no. He doesn't care._ But Naruto didn't either. He shouldn't care. But the remembrance of how he wanted someone when Carelady raised her fists to him shrouded any ire he felt towards her. Sakura was hurt. Chances were, she was alone. And Naruto knew far to well how lonely it was to cry and not be heard.

His feet pounded through leaves and twigs as he listened for any sign of Sakura nearby. But there was only silence. Whatever happened, she was no longer _loud._ And in all the years Naruto had known her, Sakura was _never silent._

Was Sasuke so selfish he'd ignore her cries?

Shouldn't Naruto ignore her too? Sakura had attacked him far too many times for Naruto to help her any. She didn't deserve it. And yet, his feet moved forward, eyes darting through thick branches and falling leaves. Blond hair whipped his face until he spotted a familiar shade of pink lying on the ground.

Sakura's skin had turned a milky white, strands of pink sprawled over the floor. Lashes swayed in the wind as eyelids remained closed. There were no physical wounds. No blood. Whatever happened must've left her frightened. The chirp of bugs and birds sang a familiar melody. Trees waved in the buzzing wind as Sasuke made himself known. A blue and purple bruise had settled over Sasuke's cheek, head darting across tree after tree in search of the enemy. All the grace and sophistication Sasuke normally showed had disappeared and been replaced with minor hysterics as paranoia consumed him.

"Kakashi get you with a clone?" Naruto said, "I think he might be too lazy to fight us himself."

Why had he come here again?

"I heard her scream. What happened?"

Naruto shrugged. Bending down to shake Sakura awake. Sasuke's guess was as good as Naruto's. "Kakashi's lying. None of us are going back to the academy." He said.

"How do you know?"

"I know a liar when I see one."

Forest green eyes fluttered open. Sakura pushed herself upright, gazing as Sasuke as if he'd grown a second head. A confused grimace upturned her lips. Slowly, as if her eyes deceived her, she shuffled over to Sasuke, poking him in the cheek. "You're alive." She said. Her shoulders sagged, hands attempting to wrap his palm before Sasuke jerked back. A fitting scowl formed on Sasuke's face, eyebrows furrowed as he raised his fists to shield himself, seeing an enemy where there should only be teammate.

"What are you doing?" Sasuke said.

They were so far from compatible as teammates it was embarrassing.

"I thought you were dead." Sakura said, "there was so much blood. It was horrible."

"That's so stupid." Naruto said, "did you faint? I only came here cause thought you were in _actual_ trouble. Not some fantasy _Sasuke's dead_ shit."

"Our teacher is a maniac." Sakura's eyes welled with tears, voice shattering as longing presented itself within her. Naruto rolled his eyes. When would she get over herself? They were ninja now. Not civilians with the time and benefit to find love and marry. From what Naruto knew after the Mizuki incident, Sakura's obsession was unhealthy and would get her, if not all of them, killed.

"Sucks." Naruto said. "Instead of sitting around here moping, let's do something. Get back at him for becoming a teacher when he's clearly not suited for it. The bell test is a sham. Kakashi is lying. No one is going back to the academy. And if we fail, if Kakashi refuses to teach us, chances are Jiji will find us a new teacher. We _graduated_ , remember? Nothing's changing that. Not a stupid teacher and not a bell."

There were few things in the world Naruto hated more than liars, and if working with these people meant confronting and taking down Kakashi, he'd do it.

Sakura glanced at him warily while Sasuke reminded impassive. His offer was odd, Naruto knew. But what were they supposed to do? They were teammates now. Nothing was changing that. There was no possible way for Naruto to earn a wage if he didn't at least pretend to like his teammates. And with missions lying in the future, they needed to learn how to at least tolerate each other.

Not to mention they'd be spending everyday together for the next few years.

The thought made Naruto nauseous.

"What if your wrong?" Sasuke said.

"Then we can figure out who's getting sent back. No need to turn this into a violent competition. There are far better things to do than that."

They nodded their hesitant agreements, muttering potential plans for taking down a jounin. Naruto stood there, slack jawed and with the widest eyes. They agreed with him? Only yesterday they were butting heads and refusing anyone's ideas. Why would they listen to him only now? Why did Naruto offer to help in the first place?

Why did Naruto still hate them after all these years?

Day in and day out he stalked around with a heavy pit of rage in his chest. He lashed out at strangers and growled when they ran from him. Any ill received words and he squawked indignant words back. Most villagers stayed away and the ones that didn't got an undeserved punch to the gut. He'd held onto the grudges of villagers glaring from a distance as they scurried from him. The worst ones were typically late-night drunks that Naruto passed by when necessity made him leave the house at night. _Those_ villagers were violent, and they got a deserved punch.

Jiji had to talk to him about using violence on civilians. It had been a while since he hurt anyone undeserving.

Holding onto that rage had eased his pathway through the academy. If anger did not lay with him always, despair took its place. And as Naruto had learned, anger was far easier than despair.

But what if he let go? It had been two days since graduation, and anger had not helped him any. His teammates were his enemies and his teacher was a liar. There was everything to rage about and nothing to ease his mind. The people around him were the people he wanted gone, yet there was no getting rid of them.

If he did release all that rage into a void, what else was there to feel?

Peace?

Happiness?

Despair?

Or would there be nothing? His chest had sat with a searing burn all these years that anything else had become foreign. What if once all that rage dissipated there was only a void? What if he knew so little of anything else that any emotion was gone from his capabilities?

He looked at Sasuke and Sakura for the first time, saw them as they were than what he perceived. Sasuke, a proud and arrogant boy from the strongest and most tragic of clans, valuing only strength and worthiness and holding so little love there was only isolation. Sasuke was a warrior in the making, and Naruto pitied the person he had sworn to kill. And Sakura, so lovesick it turned to ignorance. There was so much for her to learn. For all of them to learn. But of the three, Sakura understood the shinobi life the least. She saw marriage in a powerful man, but nothing else was seen because she wanted a powerful partner and cared not for anything else. Perhaps one day she would understand Sasuke like no other. But until then, she would stick to her loving ways and nurture where she should fight.

They were teammates now and forever, for once a team always a team. Their differences meant nothing to enemy ninja, and if they held onto all the misunderstandings and grudges, they would die on their first high ranking mission.

And it was with weary limbs that he sat on the ground and voiced all he could do to take those bells from Kakashi's belt.

Perhaps it was time they learned why Konohagakure's ninja held onto their genin teammates until death.

* * *

Naruto held his hands into the kage bunshin hand seal, and watched as twenty clones popped into existence. He could have used more, but felt no need to overwhelm the clearing with copies of himself. Sasuke was already shifting uncomfortably at the amount of Naruto's, and Sakura had left her mouth open until drool spilled.

"That's a lot of nuisances." Sakura said, "you weren't kidding when you said you excel at distractions."

Naruto raised of brow. Did she think he was lying? He spent enough time in solitude to keen his ability and learn his limits. The night he learned the kage bunshin, Naruto had found a group of ANBU and tested how well it could be used against a highly skilled ninja. While his clones had been taken down easily, the sheer amount of himself squirming and shouting had distracted the ANBU enough that Naruto managed a single hit among many of them.

"You might want plug your ears. They could be rather loud at times." Naruto said before giving orders to attack.

At once, twenty blondes screamed and ran for Kakashi. Some fell into a tumble as they crowded together. Kakashi looked up from his book. Sakura cupped her mouth to stifle laughter as all the Naruto's squirmed and flapped about. There were far too many to call it graceful, and they screamed bloodcurdling cries as their legs propped them near their teacher.

"Well, this is interesting." Kakashi said.

Sasuke had slipped away and joined the fight, feigning to catch bells as Sakura whirled for the best opening. The memory of dissipated clones singed at Naruto's brain. Kakashi was dodging and avoiding Sasuke, but ruthlessly attacked all the Naruto's jumping from nowhere and attempting to hit and clasp the bells.

He and Sakura stood side by side, watching with open eyes for the chance to attack. After exposing the strength and weaknesses they held, Sakura had put together a plan. Sasuke had helped ease it along when her mind came blank, and Naruto listened attentively, nodding and putting his own input every now and then. The plan wasn't foolproof, and it was doubtful to even phase a highly trained jounin. But it was what they had and it was what they were using. If they failed, then they failed. If not, then they successfully worked as a team.

But if Kakashi was not a liar, how were they to decide who got the bells?

"I don't think there will be an opening. Get him from behind. Despite what teachers say, they do not have eyes in the back of their head." Naruto said.

Sakura nodded, moving her lithe body quietly through the field. She paid mind to where Kakashi laid his eyes and slipped between cover and clones. She was a snake hiding in blades of grass. Sasuke caught her eyes, still fighting Kakashi with the same grace Naruto fought while sparring. Kakashi believed they were less than what they could be. He truly thought they'd fail.

But Naruto would show him differently. He wanted to expose Kakashi for the liar he was. To see him crumble in a pit of his own words. They were more than what people believed. Naruto was more than some incompetent brat.

Why did he care to prove himself? In all the years he had lived, nothing mattered except himself and Jiji. Everyone else was a tunnel of bigotry. They saw a monster where there was a boy, a demon where only child existed. Naruto had taken care of himself since he was seven, lived and loved alone. There was no one in the world that cared more than himself, and no one else mattered.

 _So why am I trying to prove myself?_

 **Because you're an idiot.**

The voice had come from the recesses of his mind, darkening into a thunder of rumbles and growls. Naruto froze, eyes growing wide as his jaw hung open. What the actual fuck was that? Tales of people hearing voices had been told in the academy days, but Naruto had dismissed it like one would a bug. He swallowed a lump, tilting is around around to see if it truly was his brain speaking.

Everyone was in the field.

"Holy fucking shit." Naruto said.

 **Think real hard, blondie, Who could I possibly be?**

"I'm hearing voices. Why am I hearing voices?"

He heaved a deep breath, feeling his chest constrict in the beginnings of panic. Iruka-sensei gave a whole lesson on mental disorders and hearing voices was categorized as a symptom of an illness he'd forgotten the name of. He pulled at his hair, squeezing his eyes shut as he recalled the lesson. What was the name? What was the name?

Maybe he should ask Iruka-sensei.

He breathed in and out, heart pounding within his chest. _Concentrate._ There was a mission to carry out. Sakura was nearing Kakashi, fingers almost touching the ringing bells as Sasuke attacked from in front. Naruto's clones were all but gone, and he summoned thirty more.

There was a voice in his head.

 _Stupid, stupid brain._

A low chuckle simmered through his mind.

"Shut up." Naruto said.

Kakashi's eyes were piercing as they looked straight at Naruto. And before anyone knew anything, there was a hole in the ground the size of a fist. The floor cracked as shudders wracked under their feet. Sakura stumbled as Naruto held onto a tree, and Sasuke stood as if the world hadn't shaken.

"That's enough." Kakashi said. He leveled his gaze with all the clones, eyeing Sasuke and Sakura like they were bugs to be stomped. "You all pass. Congratulations. We'll meet here every morning at 7. Always eat breakfast. Now go home and get rid of these clones."

"You don't sound happy about it." Sakura said, "did you not want us to pass?"

Kakashi passed a box of food into Sakura's hands, shunshining away in a familiar puff of smoke.

 **This is pitiful.**

Naruto strode out to stand with them, but Sasuke thought it best to leave without a word, leaving him and Sakura alone in the training grounds.

They stood in the clearing for some minutes, the silence deafening. Neither wanted to leave and neither wanted to stay. They had been enemies for years. Sakura bullied him and Naruto bullied back. So, what do you say when you find yourself working with the enemy? At least with Sasuke, no one was quiet. Sakura was always boisterous around him. But with Naruto she was subdued and miserable.

"You wanna get ramen or something? I'll buy." Naruto said.

Her green eyes gazed into his blue. Long, pink hair swayed in the wind. "Sorry, but my parents say I'm supposed to hate you. I'll…uh… see you tomorrow." She held a small wave, smiling as her back faced him and strode away.

"So much for trying to be friendly." Naruto said when she was out of earshot.

 **Have you forgotten me already? You're never alone.**

Naruto laughed nervously, shuffling on home. That voice was not a nice one, more creepy than kind. He licked his lips, ignoring the urge to cry to Jiji and ask Iruka-sensei what was wrong with him. Maybe the voice would fade into nothing. Perhaps it would never speak to him again.

Maybe it didn't exist at all.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Chances are, not all my updates will be this quick. I find myself with more time than usual now that I'm almost done with my other story, Evanescence. So, here's a longer chapter. Hope you enjoyed and please review.

I recommend _Crossing Boundaries For You_ by fanofbellaandedward. The romance in this one is amazing, one of the few mpreg's I've enjoyed (not that there's anything wrong with mpregs. Just not my cup of tea), and has a twist that I never saw coming.


	5. Chapter 5

Petals glided to the ground, shades of red and green and purple flowing in the ever constant sunlight. Streams of gold shone into the greenhouse as the sun bore down. Naruto caressed the darkened leaf of an orchid. Its petals curled in white bundles as purple budded from the middle and spread like a vein over white. It was too expensive for his budget. The money he'd received from petty D-ranks was little and hardly enough to keep him afloat. But he came here everyday before dawn to enjoy the bright neon of flower and green of leaves before he dove into the misery of cat catching D-ranks.

The jungle of his apartment was filled with leaf and far too little flower. Naruto had always held a love for green than anything else, and the bright burn of red or pink had never gotten his attention until he saw that his apartment had too much green. He'd hoped that by the end of the week, there'd be enough money saved for him to afford another plant. But D-ranks were missions of construction and babysitting, jobs that cost more than he earned, and he found himself in a plight of buying ice-cream to shut up a crying toddler, or putting that money into his savings for his own budget.

It didn't matter for his decision though, as Sakura had seen the cash resting in Naruto's wallet and thought he was rich. Even after he'd said that he was saving, she waved her hand and claimed he had enough to satiate a toddler.

And thus, his money was lost for the happiness of another. It was impossible to feel bad for it, but he did wish Sakura understood that not everyone had parents to pay their rent. More than that, though, Naruto wished he had fought more to convey the importance of the heaviness in his wallet.

Footsteps sloshed over the wet ground, becoming louder and wetter as someone drew near. Naruto tilted his head, seeing Sasuke stand regal and tense as he strode over, hands thrust in silky pockets. Naruto straightened from a hunched posture, imitating the same regalia Sasuke arrogantly walked around with.

It never ceased to amaze him how confident Sasuke always was.

They stood barely a foot away from each other. The humidity from the watered plants and enclosed space added a soggy feel to their skin. While Naruto preferred longer sleeves to keep the uncomfortable humid air away, Sasuke seemed inexperienced in the arts of plant climate. Sweat had piled high upon Sasuke's forehead, his navy shirt clinging to skin like the water dripping from leaves.

"You need something?" Naruto said. In all the time Naruto had visited the Yamanaka flower shop (which Naruto thought was poorly named considering it was more a greenhouse), Sasuke had never stepped foot here. No one in team seven spoke of outside hobbies or personal relations. They separated themselves by church and state. The team was more a business than a group of children working together, and although Kakashi seemed upset by how detached they were, he did nothing to change it.

Sasuke took a deep breath, opening and closing his mouth over and over until he finally clamped his lips shut. Black eyes narrowed in an angry glare. But Naruto thought it might have been targeted towards himself rather than at him. Strange. What happened to the confidence exposed as he stalked over? Where was the same indifference shown day in and day out as team seven?

"You know," Naruto said. "Talking doesn't have to be hard. It's actually quite easy once you get your shit together and start voicing your thoughts."

Sasuke's eyebrow twitched as Naruto looked down at the orchid once more, fingering soft petals. It wasn't often Sasuke let his expression morph into anything emotional. Annoyance, as both he and Sakura soon learned, was the most expressive Sasuke got, and even that was rare. But although expressiveness was an artform unknown to Sasuke, Naruto suspected he was more emotional than even Sakura. Douchebag behavior, after all, did stem from emotion.

And Sasuke was always quick to disdain.

"I don't usually ask idiots for help anyways." Sasuke said.

Naruto crushed the petal with his thumb. It was said in such a quip and normal tone, as if it were common knowledge, that Naruto felt fire burn through his chest. Normally, and only after years of conditioning his brain to ignore words, Naruto was unaffected by any name calling. But every now and again, mostly when it was the people that were meant to care for him, Naruto let their words sink deep into his brain until he accepted it as truth.

His teammates were _supposed_ to care for him, just as he was _supposed_ to care for them.

But years of failed tests and incompetent ninjutsu had gotten himself to think idiot without the words from anyone else. Naruto was the first to call himself dumb, and to this day, he wasn't the smartest of the batch. That didn't mean anyone else could call him that. Naruto may have already accepted it. But anyone who labeled him something that Naruto had labeled himself were the asshats Naruto avoided more than anyone else.

"You didn't ask for help." Naruto said. "Are you done bothering me? We have a D-rank to get to."

Sasuke still hadn't apologized for ruining Naruto's academic life.

"How do you care for a desert rose?"

"What?"

"You know a lot about plants. How do I take care of a desert rose?"

Naruto scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. Sasuke had always been arrogant and quick to judge, but to believe he deserved Naruto's help? Absurd. Naruto had tried to befriend team seven. He wanted to settle that simmering rage into a peaceful slumber. But no matter how much he pushed for conversation, Sasuke ignored him. Sakura was much better, though. Her name calling had turned distant, and although they spoke little, there was no more hate.

But Sasuke was simply impossible.

"Shouldn't you have figured that out before you bought it?" Naruto said.

This was why Naruto was satisfied with church and state. Without any personal developments between them, everything was professional and easy. After it was discovered that befriending these people was useless, Naruto was happy to say it was enough. But if Sasuke discovered a personal hobby of Naruto's, how far would he go to push for more than professional relations? Would he push at all? Or was this all a coincidence?

No. Naruto wasn't yet ready for anyone to learn of his more feminine hobbies, and had been careful on who watched him enter the shop. The only way Sasuke could have discovered Naruto loved plants was if he were watching.

"And what's it matter anyways?" Naruto said, "you could always ask someone else. I'm sure Ino would love to help you."

Naruto took savage satisfaction in the way Sasuke cringed. It was common knowledge, even among the Sasuke stalkers, that Ino was one of the more persistent harassers out there. There had been times in these passing weeks that Naruto took pity and found shelter to hide Sasuke from both Sakura and Ino, but those were few and far between. Those were probably the only times he and Sasuke bothered to get along. And while it was a nice change of scenery, it was not nice enough to warrant a more personal and natural relationship that a teammate should have.

Professional, business, and impersonal was the perfect design to keep team seven working. Naruto did not want it to change.

"Things have been rocky as a team. I'm trying to fix that before we go on a high raking mission and get killed due to horrid teamwork." Sasuke said. "It'd be easier if you stopped hiding from us."

"What are you talking about? Nothings rocky. We're fine. Team seven's fine. A higher mission might even be good for us."

A high-ranking mission would do wonders for his bank account.

"Actually, we should push Jiji for a higher mission. A C-rank maybe." Naruto said, gaze tilting to the open ceiling. "We'll need to ease along the ranks before any really big missions. How much do you think a C-rank pays?"

"Our team is falling apart. Sakura doesn't know what she's doing, you're acting like we're not even a team, and Kakashi is always late. We're nowhere near ready for a mission outside the village and we're not even asking for one until things are fixed."

"That makes no sense. Our team is professional, not personal. It still works as fine as all the other teams."

"We are nothing like the other teams."

Naruto balled his fists. For years, he had tried to be like the other kids. And for years, Sasuke was the reason he was unable to make anyone believe he was nothing more than a loser. He had gone to tutorials to be smarter and hung out on the playground rather than a lonesome swing for the purpose of fitting in. It had taken years of Jiji's constant reminders for him to truly believe he could simply ignore everyone else. So, why, after all this time, did Sasuke want to him to be like everyone else? The whole reason Naruto strayed from fitting in was because Sasuke taught everyone in class Naruto was a loser. Sasuke was the whole reason Naruto stopped trying to fit in.

And now he wanted him to act like everyone else?

 _You still haven't apologized._

"Do we have to be?" Naruto asked.

"The other teams are improving. We're not. Our best bet would be to copy them."

"Maybe they have better teachers."

Between being late and having an obvious favoritism towards Sasuke, Kakashi managed quick lessons on teamwork and sticking together. There were some genjutsu lessons here and there, but overall, it didn't seem Kakashi particularly wanted to spend his time teaching. While Sasuke could be right on their lack of improvement stemming from a more profession take, it could also be due to lack of proper teaching.

After all, Naruto had only gotten better at tests once Iruka-sensei started teaching him properly. They might have the same problem with Kakashi.

"Maybe they're better than us." Sasuke said, "they're obviously doing something right."

"Well, the other teams have gotten to know each other. This usually involves being nice. You know, the opposite of rude. I'm fairly certain you don't understand that, though. But if you want to copy everyone else, then we have to…" _Get to know each other._ "Be nicer."

"Yeah. That is what they do. But maybe you should learn who's actually being rude here. I'm trying to fix this team. What are you doing?"

"I thought things were fine."

And they were fine. But Naruto absolutely despised arguments. If he fought that the team was perfect as it was, Sasuke would find small and unimportant things that were different from the others and use them as a means to explain that team seven was weaker than most. While that was false, Sasuke would state it as fact. And Sakura would stand by Sasuke's side, making Naruto the uncooperative teammate.

And Sasuke knew this.

"But since you see problems where none exists, I suppose we could try it your way." Naruto said.

 **You conform too much.** The voice said. It was absent most days, and only spoke when it felt words were needed. Naruto had grown accustomed to random growls. He had gone to Iruka-sensei about the lecture on disorders, and this didn't seem at all like what Iruka-sensei described.

Still, he was hearing voices, and everyone knew that was abnormal.

"You're a blind as a mole, Naruto. Our team is a wreck."

* * *

I recommend _The Sun Within Me_ by fangirlandiknowit. The slow burn is amazing, humor entertaining, and has an incredibly unique story line.


	6. Chapter 6

"Kakashi says he won't teach us anything until we figure out how to work together." Sakura said. "So, I've taken notes on the problems each of us cause as a team. Unfortunately, I don't know how to solve this. I was hoping we could brainstorm ideas or something."

The sun had taken its fiery rings and toned down the brightness until an orange glow had cast over the horizon. They got together only minutes ago. Naruto, for his part, only came so as not to seem uncooperative, while Sakura had come for another failed attempt to woo Sasuke. She had less drive to nail her claws into his heart now than she did in school. Where she once squealed, she now laughed, and when Sasuke turned her down, rather than having feeling optimistic about next time, she sulked.

There were only so many times a person could get rejected, he supposed.

"Last I checked, people have a tendency to undermine or deny their own problems. How deep did you get on your self-analysis?" Naruto said.

Sakura was so deep into books and brains that the brawl necessary to be a ninja was almost nonexistent. Kakashi, for his part, had put more effort into teaching actual skills, and Sakura's taijutsu had gotten slightly better. But it was only after Sasuke forced her into a lesson on how the body moved that she had a firm grasp on the human body's natural defenses.

Sakura's love for school had yet to wane. Even after months of D-ranks, she was still into making lists and studying. Which, while not wrong, was inconvenient when all except Naruto agreed the team needed to get together and work on their problems.

Sakura pulled out two blank sheets of paper. "Which is why you're going to write down my flaws. I've already put together a list of weaknesses I know I have, but I don't know what I don't know and you need to tell me."

She smiled proudly at them, hands clasped at her waist and eyes shining. Naruto sighed, embarrassed that she considered this an accomplishment. Why was no one okay with separating work from life? So what if they weren't like the other teams? They didn't have to be. And it wasn't as if there were any issues with where they were. The D-ranks were the same walkie-talkie jumbled mess it had always been, and no matter what, their missions always succeeded.

"I don't really see why we need to do this, though." Naruto said.

Why was it so wrong to keep their personal life separated from their work life?

"Because we're falling behind from the other teams." Sasuke said, "they catch that damn cat with far less struggle than us. Hopefully, by doing what they do, we'll catch up and become stronger."

"Or maybe we just need a better teacher. Wasn't he supposed to be here an hour ago? If Kakashi really cared, he'd be on time."

 _And he would actually teach us shit._

Kiba was already climbing tree trunks without the use of hands. And what were they doing? Sitting around like five-year old's preparing for a 'get to know you' game.

Those games had always been, and always would be, the reason for Naruto's demise.

"The point is that while you may think we're doing fine, other members of this team do not. Everyone sees things differently. What works for you doesn't work for me, and what works for Sasuke might not work for you. That's why we need to compromise and figure out what does work and build off of that." Sakura said.

"I thought we were copying other teams."

"That was Sasuke's idea. I was thinking we can both copy them and figure out our own system."

Naruto nodded. "Well, Sasuke needs to work on communication." Sasuke snorted at that, most likely because Naruto too, had a communication problem. "I thought we were just trying to be like everyone else."

The team seemed adamant that something was wrong, and if this one, small meeting meant less pestering, then he'd suffer whatever it took to satiate their hunger to control how the team worked.

The goal was to get stronger. It wasn't like any of them wanted to know the details of his life.

But now that he understood that this meeting entailed more than simply sharing life goals and impersonating other teams, he was uncertain of what they were doing. Was it a get to know you game? Or were they listing all their flaws and working on improvement on those areas? Was Sakura the only one that got to list flaws? As it was, she had papers dedicated to everything wrong with both Sasuke and Naruto, and while no one had read it yet, Naruto had no doubt Sasuke's list was short and sweet.

Naruto's list would most certainly be long.

Why was Sakura in charge of this, anyways? She wasn't exactly the most trusted person when it came to Naruto, as her opinion was obviously biased.

As was Sasuke's, but his mind was far more realistic and goal-driven than Sakura's had ever been.

"I told Kakashi we'd only wait two hours. He should be here soon." Sasuke said.

"Wouldn't be surprised if he didn't show." Naruto said, "I'm telling you, the only thing wrong with this team is our teacher."

"There's nothing wrong with him." Sakura said.

"He doesn't want to teach us, Sakura. Didn't you see how upset he was when we passed his stupid bell test?"

It was as if the world was against him, because Naruto suddenly felt a hand clamp on his shoulder. Kakashi had seated himself beside Naruto, and it wasn't the perfectly timed hand on shoulder that had Naruto's stomach churning, but the fact that Kakashi had undoubtedly heard every word pour from his mouth.

"You can blame the Hokage for that. Now, why is it my students are making appointments?" Kakashi said.

"It's not Jiji's fault you're a bad teacher." Naruto said, "don't blame him for your problems."

This team had more baggage than he was ready to commit to. Sakura admitted that she refused to speak to Naruto because of her parents, so how were they supposed to fix anything if she refused to talk? And Sasuke was a whole other level of complicated. From being as antisocial as Naruto and hiding himself in a huge ass mansion for days, Naruto felt as if there was no possible fix with Sasuke. They hated each other. It was as simple as that. And it didn't matter if Sakura made lists or if Sasuke _wanted_ this team to be better. Naruto had no motivation for it. He had no reason to take a part of himself and shove it into a team that hated him.

If they refused to talk to him about anything besides how horrid of a teammate he was, then why should he help mend everything wrong with them?

"You did say you won't teach us anything until we get along. Well, you're part of the team, Kakashi, and Naruto has a major problem with you." Sasuke said.

"So, you two have to work it out." Sakura said, "just like me and Sasuke need to work out our issues."

"The only issue is that you won't leave me alone." Sasuke said. "And don't ignore the fact that you hate Naruto."

Naruto sighed, pushing himself off the ground. He was done with this. With them. Sakura claimed that she believed everyone saw things differently. But if that was so important to her, why couldn't she see his point of view? She had bullied him for years, and now expected Naruto to suddenly work with her.

Sasuke expected the same.

Why were they so damn stupid?

"This is too much." Naruto said, "next time, don't drag me along in your attempts to force people together."

He started to get up when Sakura tugged his wrist. They were gathered in a circle. Sakura eyes popped out of their sockets in excitement. Unlike the rest of them, she seemed interested in learning about where this would go.

"At lease try." Sakura said, "my parents are always telling me we should communicate our needs. What is it about us that you don't like? Why don't you want to involve yourself with us?"

Naruto snarled, narrowing his eyes. How easy it would be to punch that unblemished face of hers. That would make her back down. But it would also cause more friction than he wanted, not to mention Kakashi would tell to Jiji, and Jiji would have another talk on violence with Naruto.

He was not in the mood for another lecture.

Perhaps he should sit down, shut up, and wait for this to be over.

Maybe he should run.

But hadn't Sakura just invited Naruto to lash out on everything they had ever done to him?

"You really want to know why I hate you?" Naruto said. She beamed at him, as if seeing opportunity to improve. Wasn't that what she was all about back in school? Getting better to make Sasuke impressed? She wouldn't be so happy once he spilled everything he hated about her.

Shouldn't she already know why he avoided her? It wasn't as if it were a secret.

"I prefer to think of it as dislike. It's nicer that way, you know? Hate is a word meant for really bad people. We're your teammates. Just tell us the problem and let's see what we can do to help." Sakura said.

"You're kidding me, right?" Naruto said. All she had ever done was pick on him and tear the joy out of the life he could have had. She had labeled him, mocked him, humiliated him. She followed Sasuke like a blind mole. On that school day all those years ago, Sakura had heard Sasuke's label and taken it to mean she had the right to hurt Naruto. Year after year, Naruto refused to give her a chair, and in all that time, her verbal attacks hadn't ceased.

To this day, albeit less, she still attacked him.

And now she claimed not to know why he hated her?

"You don't even know what you did, do you?" Naruto said.

"I'm sorry?" Sakura's said, cocking her head to the side. To an ordinary onlooker, it might look as if she were the victim of his anger. His fists were clenched tight enough to rip skin, teeth chattering as he clenched his jaw shut. She looked every bit as confused as Naruto did when a math problem arose, and it was fucking insulting. Because while Naruto suffered the years of abuse by her hands, she looked on ignorant of her own actions.

"You harassed me everyday." Naruto said. Disgust washed through him, sending shivers down his spine. Was Sasuke the same? Did he take no acknowledgement as the person that made Naruto's life hell.

Naruto turned to Sasuke, wanting to exclaim everything he had felt and all he had suffered by their hands. But the words got caught in his throat, and all that sounded was a raw whimper.

He had never talked about emotion before. How could he say it without seeming a fool?

Still, one sentence to hold Sasuke accountable was all he needed. It could simply be a fact. No emotion. No complications. No taking the part of an idiot feeling more than he should.

"And you're the reason I have no one." Naruto said. Black eyes stared back at him, unblinking and cold. If Sasuke's hadn't labeled him a loser that day, would he have made a friend? If he had given Sakura that seat, would someone have talked to him? If he hadn't annoyed Sasuke so much, would he have been labeled the loser at all?

There was no answer to any what if question.

"So, yeah. I hate you, and there's no changing that."

Everything inside him told him to run. His legs ached from the stillness of waiting on their responses. All Naruto had done in life was run. From Arguments. From emotion. From people. It was one thing to mull over his feelings over the worst people in the world, it was another to confront them.

He clasped his hands together to stop their trembling, fighting back the burn in his eyes as they watched him without a word. Sakura flicked a hand over her mouth, eyes widening as accountability flared in her eyes. She watched him with the heaviest and most horrifying of faces, and Naruto suddenly wished he'd said not a word.

Was fighting them on _this_ truly worth it? Couldn't he go back to ignoring them as much as possible?

Not if they wanted him to work as a team rather than pull his own weight.

He backed up, swallowing the small bit of wet in his dry mouth.

It wasn't too late to run.

Home wasn't that far.

Why did he tell them?

Wasn't it his fault for letting their words hurt him?

He wanted, more than anything in the world, to run to Jiji.

Yet his feet remained frozen because while this meeting started out chattery from Sakura's enthusiasm, it now carried only dread. Sasuke stared unashamed at Naruto, as if he truly had no idea what any of his words meant.

And perhaps he didn't know. That day so long ago that had fated Naruto's demise might have been so small to Sasuke that it had been forgotten.

But Sakura knew exactly what Naruto meant.

* * *

 **Author's note:** Lately, I've been updating between 5-8 days, but due to the fact that this story is currently driving me insane, I will be going on a months hiatus.

Also, I'm sorry if there are any typos. I edited it less than usual. But's it's 7am and I have't slept, so I'm giving myself a pass this time around.

I recommend _That Time I Went Down Fighting_ by lobstirrchwan. It's one of my absolute faves, has a great plot. The romance will suck you in, and has great characterization.

Thanks for reading and please review.


	7. Chapter 7

Everything had gone downhill from there. Naruto's words were harsh and accusing. Sasuke called Naruto crazy before Sakura went into a series of denials. And it was only after a talking dog by the name of Pakkun started barking words and woofs that silence descended. Kakashi had stared at each individual long and hard before ordering them to follow, and despite not particularly liking Kakashi, Naruto did want time to rehearse how to defend himself in the face of the accused, and the slow trek through the village provided plenty of time.

But as they strode silently behind Kakashi, all knowing that on some level, they were being led somewhere potentially dangerous, Naruto realized the path Kakashi led was to the Hokage tower.

The part of him that wanted to run to Jiji was ecstatic to learn their location, but he wouldn't be alone to talk about the troubles plaguing his mind. And last Naruto checked, Jiji was too busy for anything until the end of the week. They wouldn't be allowed in. Kakashi was leading them to nowhere.

Still, he'd get to watch as Kakashi fought for the attention of the Hokage.

"The Hokage won't see us. He doesn't have enough time." Naruto said. Kakashi peered his one eye in Naruto's direction. The tight contours of the mask was set in a stern spiral of lumps and wrinkles. Naruto wished Kakashi would take it off because without a face, emotion was hard to read.

"You don't know that for sure." Kakashi said.

But Naruto was right, and it was confirmed at the doors of the Hokage tower. The receptionist set an appointment in two weeks, and Kakashi ordered them to go home to think about what they've done.

Jiji gave a surprise visit to Naruto the day before team seven was supposed to meet with him. Naruto opened the door slowly, watching Jiji's face for any sign that Naruto would receive a lecture. There was none, however, and Naruto could rest assured that he was not in trouble.

"I only have a couple minutes." Jiji said, "I met with Kakashi briefly earlier today. He said I should talk to you before the meeting tomorrow."

Naruto sunk his head. There had been no missions these two weeks, and his plants had been spoiled with caresses and water. The stuffed animal collection he pampered himself with had shrunk due to Naruto selling them. He had become reliant on the little money earned from D-ranks, and those stuffed animals proved just how much he was able to afford now that he had both Jiji's money and his own.

"I talked about… _feelings_. It was stupid, and now we're all paying for it." Naruto said. There were kinder ways for Naruto to phrase his problems, and he should have stayed silent rather than confronting them. These two weeks had showed how incompetent Naruto was both when dealing with people and communicating. Sasuke was bad at both, but somehow, Naruto was worse. He screwed it all up. Made Kakashi punish them for two weeks so no one earned any money or grew stronger. They weren't even supposed to meet as a team until after the appointment with Jiji.

And now Jiji was here with Naruto, alone, where anything could be spoken. Had he met with Sasuke and Sakura too? Was Naruto a pitstop? Or did Jiji actually want to talk about what happened?

"There's nothing wrong with that, Naruto. You feel how you feel. Better to tell them now than in the middle of battle."

Naruto shook his head frantically, clenching his eyes tight. It was his fault. He never should have confronted them or accused them. Doing so had only made Naruto feel foolish for trying to solve a problem that had no solution and guilty for getting everyone else in trouble.

"But the whole team got punished for it. And Sasuke doesn't even know what he did, and I'm pretty sure Kakashi is going to make me explain tomorrow. I don't want to explain anything. I shouldn't have to."

Jiji wrinkled his nose, sitting down on the couch to get a break from standing. Naruto followed him, using the forlorn fabric to fist his hands in something. He was restless, nervous, and didn't want to come into the office tomorrow. Only chaos would come of a meeting between their team. Kakashi never wanted to deal with anything besides making the team fall behind, and Sasuke and Sakura cared for no one but themselves.

He was tired of it. They meant nothing to him, and he meant nothing to them. Yet despite that, they kept bugging him about fixing things and becoming a better team. But Naruto didn't want them to be a better team. He simply wanted money. That was it. D-ranks provided enough to get him going on his own, and getting stronger had never been his intention.

He never really had a choice to become a ninja. Jiji had put him in school, and Naruto had made it to genin. But he wanted nothing to do with teams or fighting or anything. He just wanted a job, and this was the only option given to him.

"What did Sasuke do?" Jiji asked.

Naruto wrung his hand through his hair, clenching his eyes to ward off an incoming headache. He didn't want to talk about this. No one wanted him to talk about this. Sasuke had called him crazy for it, and maybe he was right. What Sasuke did was so long ago, and the only reason Naruto was still upset about it was because it had sprung uncontrollable pain onto Naruto's life and he still didn't know what to do with it.

"He made me the loser of class. All in one day. In one word. People listened to him, and I couldn't do anything about it."

"I see. Does he still label you?"

"Sometimes. He doesn't talk to anyone else about it, though. Only to me. 'specially after I'm mean to him, or he's mean to me. We call each other names. It doesn't mean anything anymore. It was just that _one time,_ and it ruined everything for me."

"So it's a grudge from a long time ago. Tell me, Naruto. After he labeled you, did he continue to do so? Did he continue to influence other people's opinion about you? Or did they choose to make fun of you long after he said anything?"

After that one day, Sasuke was silent. Naruto had gone from a nobody to a loser. But the class ran rampant with harsh words, and it was Sasuke that got the blame for starting the whole thing. Yet when Naruto truly thought about it, it was Sasuke that helped Naruto with the assignments. It was Sasuke that Naruto chose to sit next to everyday for four years. It was Sasuke that never uttered a word besides answers. Everything started because of Sasuke. But it was one day, one incident that caused the rest. Afterwards, nothing hurtful came from Sasuke's mouth until they became a team. There was only the class that followed Sasuke's direction, and Sasuke, who had done no wrong except for that one word that one day.

It made no sense. Here Jiji was, basically excusing Sasuke for what he had done, and it strayed from everything Naruto had come to believe.

"But Sasuke started the whole thing. So what if he never uttered a word afterwards? It's still his fault."

If Sasuke hadn't spoken to Naruto that day, Naruto would have given Sakura the seat she wanted. If he had done that, none of this would've happened.

"Sasuke does not control the actions of others, Naruto. Not everything that happened was his fault, just as it wasn't your fault. Sasuke said one thing, and he shouldn't have done that, but everyone else chose to follow. It's not his fault they took his word as gospel, and he might not have known they would do that. In the end, it's up to you on whether you keep that bitterness inside you."

Sasuke was a prick sometimes, but most days he was quiet. He didn't talk much, didn't do much. Sasuke had his own goals, and he kept to himself most of the time. There was nothing wrong with that. Hell, Naruto did the same thing. But to hear that Naruto may have been wrong, that to an extent, _he_ wasn't innocent in all of this—it was more than he could bear. That one day killed anything Naruto could've been among his peers, and Sasuke had started it.

But it was the class that acted in the years Sasuke was silent. The class had finished what Sasuke started, and somehow, the blame Naruto wanted to put on someone had ended up on Sasuke. Even when it was Kiba and Sakura throwing verbal attacks, it was Sasuke that got the brunt of the blame.

But in all those years, Sasuke had only minded his own business.

Except for that one day.

 _A mistake. Had Sasuke simply made a mistake?_

It was a mistake that lasted a lifetime.

"But Sasuke knew he was worshipped. What if he said it knowing that the class would follow?" Naruto said. Jiji clasped his hand around Naruto's. There was exhaustion lining the eyes of the Hokage, and Naruto wondered how much work Jiji had that he could only stay for a short time.

"Maybe you should talk to him about it. Preferably before the meeting tomorrow. I'm sure Kakashi's going to try to ask me to help fix things between you and your teammates. It'd be nice if you can solve some things on your own."

Jiji stood up and stretched, popping his back in the process. His gave Naruto one last smile before turning around. "I've got to get back to work, now. I'll see you tomorrow, alright?"

Naruto nodded. He wanted Jiji to stay, but he never could. As the years passed Jiji's visits became less and less. Work had gotten in the way, and the more Naruto grew up, the less he needed Jiji for the money and support. Still though, it would be nice if Jiji could stay longer than five minutes per visit. Emotional support, no matter how much Naruto thought emotions got in the way, was nice when Jiji provided it. It was embarrassing to be seen crying. But having someone to talk to when times got dark was all Naruto really wanted.

"Do you have to leave?" Naruto said.

Jiji paused at the door, gaze tilting to meet Naruto.

"I do, Naruto. I'll come by again when I have the time, and I'll be seeing you tomorrow. Maybe we can talk in the office after your team has left."

It was after Naruto was left standing in the middle of the hall that he realized Jiji gave the advice Naruto needed. Unless he asked, there was no way to know if it was premeditated social murder Sasuke had planned for Naruto, and the more Naruto avoided it, the more he wanted to rage. An answer was needed now. Not avoidance, an argument, or what ifs. Naruto needed to know if Sasuke wanted to hurt Naruto, if he planned it, and if he even remembered what was done all those years ago.

So he grabbed his orange jacket and headed for the door. Most everyone knew where Sasuke lived, but few were willing to take the long trek across the village to meet the gates of Sasuke's house. The sun was setting by the time he made it outside. There were people buzzing about with bags of groceries and words of gossip. No one paid mind to Naruto as he paced through the village. A few onlookers gazed his way, but Naruto didn't care. He was getting an answer he never knew he needed, and it was the most exciting and nerve wracking thing he'd ever decided to do.

Sasuke would tell Naruto exactly what happened that day, and then Naruto would decide what to do with all the bitterness inside him.

Forgiveness after all, was something done for oneself, not another, and Naruto wouldn't forgive a boy who had hurt him on purpose and forgotten about it.

But if it was an accident, if Naruto had been wrong all these years, then maybe that rage would finally simmer down.

When he reached the front door of the Uchiha mansion, Naruto left his hand hovering over the door. Uncertainty finally seemed to catch up as he wiped his sweaty palms across his pants and took a couple deep breaths.

It was one conversation. Why was he so nervous?

 **My god, this is pathetic. It's a door. Knock on it.**

The voice was right. Naruto could imagine he looked pathetic with shaky hands and widened eyes. It was just a door. But beyond it Naruto would give reason to his words all those weeks ago. Naruto would tell Sasuke everything, and Sasuke would give Naruto an answer that determined the fate of Naruto's rage.

Why did he need the answer to this? Couldn't he simply let his anger boil over?

He thought about leaving, but then Jiji would have more problems on his hands tomorrow, and Naruto had a chance to fix things here and now. So, he knocked on the door, took a step back, and waited.

* * *

This chapter turned out very different than I thought it would. I'm not sure if it's better than what I originally planned or worse. But in any case, next chapter will be filled with what this chapter was supposed to be, plus a scene that was never supposed to exist.

I recommend _Shadow Complex_ by phoenixreal, though it is not for the faint of heart. It's one of the most angst ridden and darkest fics I've ever read. The psychology is on point and it is an emotional rollercoaster.

Thanks for reading.


	8. Chapter 8

Was it a mistake? Naruto didn't know. Self doubt always seemed to creep when he least expected it. One moment, confidence could radiant until it was confused with arrogance, and the next, he could be curled up on the floor questioning his own existence. There was no way to know for sure until after one of them had spoken. As it was now, though, there was only staring. Sasuke's eyes were a dark abyss where emotion should have played, and Naruto stared back with no knowledge of what to do.

Sasuke had opened the door without a word. But Naruto hadn't expected him to speak at all. He was on Sasuke's turf, yet everything Naruto came for was on him. Chances were, Sasuke didn't remember anything from that day so long ago. Not because it didn't matter, but because it was one day and one word that happened when they were seven. Something from that long ago was never meant to be remembered.

Yet here he was about to ask something that may be impossible to answer.

"You have an hour." Sasuke said, "Then I'm going to bed. What do you want?"

Sasuke eased the door open wide enough for Naruto to step through. The house was dim with dancing shadows and old, worn, furniture. Color seemed nonexistent in the house. There were only shades of black and white, nothing more, nothing less. The living room bled into the kitchen. Hallways twisted into rooms unknown. There was space where decoration should have been to make everything more personal and homey, but Sasuke had bland taste, and there was hardly a painting in sight.

 _This is where a clan was murdered._ Naruto had forgotten in the anxiety of everything he came here to say. There were no splotches of brown to show that blood had been splattered. Excluding the furniture, everything was shiny and clean. Nothing to suggest this was where a mass murder had taken place. _How could Sasuke live here?_ If it had been Naruto, he would have moved out the day he processed his family was dead. Yet Sasuke stayed. There had to be memories locked in the house, and as Naruto looked to Sasuke, brows furrowed, he couldn't help but think how lonely it must be to live in a place so big yet so empty.

"Bland place you got. Kinda creepy too." He said. Sasuke narrowed his eyes, folding his arms over his chest as he moved over to put food from the countertop into the fridge. He wore the same navy blue as always, something Naruto noticed never changed. But rather than wearing shorts full of pockets, Sasuke had a pair of sweats hanging loosely from his hips. The t-shirt was the same Uchiha clan symbolization he always wore. But the change in attire made him look more relaxed than the tense kid that never talked.

"But anyways. Jiji said I should talk to you about something that happened when we were seven. Not sure if you'll remember it, though. That's fine. But if you do remember, I want an honest answer."

Sasuke gave him a look of disbelief. His eyes, once narrowed into a glare, now stared blankly at Naruto's face. Naruto wanted to squirm, but that would only dim the confidence he already felt waning.

"It was the first day of school. People worshipped you. They listened to you. And you decided to call me a loser in front of everyone…" he bit his lip. It sounded petty when spoken aloud. It was a word and a grudge and Naruto didn't understand how he could hate Sasuke for everyone else's actions all these years.

Was he really that petty?

Disgust washed through him. He always thought himself correct in his own hate. But it never crossed his mind that he could be wrong. The villagers hated him, so Naruto hated them back. Sakura bullied him, so he bullied back. Sasuke ignored him, and for the most part, Naruto ignored him too. It was only that rage burning through him that made the difference. The hatred for all the students in class was directed at Sasuke. It might have been misdirected, and he might have been in the wrong.

But what if he was right?

How could anyone know for certain who was right and who was wrong?

"And the class listened to you." He said. "That's why they bullied me. Because of you. I guess I just want to know if it was intentional. Did you know they would listen to you like that?"

Sasuke's eyes were blank and his mouth was set in the frown that never curved. There was no response splayed over his facial features, and Naruto wondered if it truly was a good idea to talk about this. There was a reason Naruto avoided confrontation. It was always negatively received. This was no different. Sasuke would see his attempt to mend the problem between them as petty and move on.

The villagers scowled and glared at Naruto's expression of emotions. They hated it when he got angry, sad, happy. Anything Naruto expressed that was more than blankness and the villagers thought something was wrong with him. Why would Sasuke think any different?

"I don't remember any of that." Sasuke said.

Naruto exhaled a shaky breath. That was it then. That day was unremembered, and he had to make peace with that. If Sasuke had forgotten, and if it were unintentional, then there was no more blame to place. It was a mistake that Sasuke made. Naruto may never understand why Sasuke did what he did, but it had been four years since then, and there was no more reason for Naruto to hate him.

He could probably dig through all the encounters he and Sasuke shared and find a reason to hate him. But what was the point of that? Needless anger. Misplaced anger. There was nothing more to do with it than let go.

"It happened. But it's okay that you don't remember. This was really petty anyways. Not like something like that actually matters, right? Anyways, I should get home. We gotta be up early tomorrow."

 _It was unintentional._

That was both a relief and a curse.

Still, Sasuke never should have called him a loser that day.

"I'm sorry for bothering you. And about what I said two weeks ago. It was stupid. You're not at fault for everyone else's actions." Naruto said.

They both had something to apologize for. Naruto for wrongly accusing Sasuke of why Naruto's life was the way it was, and Sasuke for… for…

For not doing anything.

Except calling Naruto an idiot. But by the time Sasuke started on that, Naruto had his own vocabulary as a defense.

"It's late." Sasuke said, "the villagers hate you. As do shinobi. It could be dangerous. I got a couple spare rooms you can use."

"It's too much of a walk to get my stuff tomorrow if I stay. I'll be fine. Don't worry about it."

He scurried out the door before Sasuke could utter another word. Staying over was the last thing he needed now. Besides, he got his answer. Sasuke remembered nothing, and Naruto had accused him of something far beyond Sasuke's control.

If he was wrong in one aspect of a persons flaws, was he wrong in others?

What if Sakura was justified in the words she laid out before him? It wasn't as if there was no truth to her every degrading opinion of him. Naruto simply didn't want to hear it. Was it right of him to hate her for speaking the truth? Was anything he had come to believe actually right?

What if Sasuke remembered nothing because it never happened. Naruto's memory had always been flawed, as proven by the many times he failed to remember the simple answers on tests. What if the memory of that day was false?

How could a memory so strong be fake? He remembered every detail. From the way Sasuke's face laid bare and pale to the pink of Sakura's hair as she cradled it in her hands. Every second of that moment was in his mind, yet Sasuke had forgotten. Who's to say Naruto wasn't the only one with this memory?

There was a whole class of witnesses. He could ask any of them.

But he wanted no one to know he was conflicted over something so small. Yet asking his classmates was the only way to know if it was true or not, and even then, they might not remember either.

Or they'd lie.

He had no way to know for certain.

What if Sasuke had lied?

The certainty Naruto found over the years was wisping into oblivion. Naruto wanted it back. He wished Jiji had never come over. He was right and justified before he questioned everything, and now he was unable to differentiate reality from fantasy.

There was no certainty anymore. Not for himself, nor for anyone else.

Everyone could be lying.

Or he could be paranoid.

It was too much to comprehend at once, so as Naruto unlocked the door to his apartment, he told himself to stop thinking about it. His plants needed attention. He had bills to pay. And the few stuffed animals he did not sell needed to be cuddled.

Sasuke didn't matter. Sakura didn't matter. Whether Naruto was right or wrong did not matter. He had a life beyond that, and he was not going to think anymore of anything so conflicting that he could barely wrap his mind around.

There was himself, his stuffed animals, and his plants. That was all he needed. It was all he wanted. Nothing else mattered.

He could figure it out another day.

* * *

"I gave them a shot, but I want back into ANBU. They have more problems than I signed up for. If there is a semblance of pity inside you, please help them solve their problems and get them another teacher." Kakashi said. Sakura screeched, head whipping to meet Kakashi. Jiji sat at his desk with his hands clasped together. There was a certain undertone in Kakashi's voice that made Naruto think he truly thought he wouldn't be reassigned, and Naruto, as someone who detested teachers who did not teach, thought this a perfect time to exploit the truth.

"Kakashi doesn't actually teach us." Naruto said. "And I don't have a problem with Sasuke anymore. Maybe after Sakura apologizes." _If she's actually in the wrong._ Naruto wanted to be right on that one. But if there was anything he discovered in these twenty-four hours, it was he hadn't thought everything through before deciding to hate on someone.

He thought he was righteous, but Sasuke had done nothing.

Sakura however, he was unsure of. In hindsight, he knew that she was at fault. But whenever he justified his own hate towards her, his own consciousness intervened to tell him she could be right in all the harassment done to him.

He couldn't find a reason to justify her actions, yet he couldn't put blame where it belonged.

"You should get us another teacher, Jiji. We'll thrive under someone else." Naruto said.

He intertwined his hands in front of him, leaning forward with a smile. Sasuke was late. Sakura was annoying, and Kakashi wanted out of the teaching job. Naruto would be happy to see him gone, but he needed to appeal to Jiji first and convince him to reassign Kakashi.

"Apologize?" Sakura said, "they're just words. It's not like I ever hit you or anything."

Denial. Denial. Denial. Sakura's eyes brimmed with confidence as she spoke, and Naruto felt something burst inside him. He had been struggling with what to do about her all night, and now he knew with certainty that he was justified to hate her. If she couldn't even admit she had done anything to him, she didn't deserve to have him on the team.

"Don't be rude, Sakura." Jiji said, "and Naruto." Naruto turned his head to meet Jiji's. He was pressing his fingers to his forehead as if to ward off a headache. Naruto cringed. That was his fault. Jiji's job seemed stressful enough as it was, and here Naruto stood piling problem upon problem on him. "Perhaps you should explain why you feel she should apologize."

"She knows what she did. She just won't admit it."

"Because it's no big deal." She said, "I haven't bothered you since then, so just deal with what's already been done and move on."

"See!" Naruto pointed a finger at Sakura, "I don't need to explain anything to this prideful banshee."

"Prideful banshee?"

"So why would you expect _me_ explain to when she obviously knows what she's done?"

The door eased open with a creak as Naruto's breath turned heavy. Sasuke walked in with tentative steps. "Sorry I'm late." He said, looking between Naruto and Sakura, "and for interfering. I can hear you guys from the hall."

Why was Jiji doing nothing? Naruto shouldn't have to explain anything to Sakura. She knew what she'd done. Sasuke knew what she'd done. An apology wouldn't do anything, but Naruto wanted her to hold herself accountable for the actions and pain she caused him. Yet there she stood, eyes never leaving the Hokage's and back as straight as an arrow. There was no sign that she'd give in.

Naruto clutched his head, bending his neck until his face was towards the ground. No one ever held themselves accountable. Sasuke blatantly forgot what he had done. Kakashi never tried to help, and Sakura was the worst of them all. He felt a scream yearning to get out. It was too much. Naruto had two confrontations in the last twenty-four hours, both ending in disaster. He had tried with Sasuke, and although not as much, he had tried with Sakura too. Kakashi was an adult who ran to _another_ adult to solve problems he should help fix himself, and Naruto was trapped between it all.

A lovesick bitch. An antisocial future murderer, and a teacher that wanted nothing to do with them.

Why couldn't anything go _his_ way?

"I told you you should have put me on a different team." Naruto said, glaring at Jiji. His eyes stung a familiar wetness, gaze darting over every person in the room. Sasuke was the only one who Naruto could possibly excuse, and that was only because they were seven when he hurt Naruto. Of course he wouldn't remember. Who would? But everyone else? They were puppets in their own game, unable to face the wrongness of what they'd done, and always hurting Naruto more until there was nothing left.

How had he ever thought Sakura was right?

Jiji looked them each in the eyes before speaking. "Kakashi, you're their teacher. It's your job to solve this, not mine. Sakura, I don't know what this is about, but pride is the enemy of every human being. Sasuke, thank you for interfering. And Naruto, remember our talk last night? It's good that you're communicating this. Though I must say that there are better methods. One step at a time, I suppose." He stood up from his chair, standing by them with equal footing rather than the guy behind a desk. Naruto fisted his hands, wanting nothing more than to punch someone's face right then and there.

Why wasn't he allowed to dislike someone?

"Why can't you ever take my side?" Naruto said. _Head up, eyes forward, look confident._ The advice Sasuke gave was great. It had helped Naruto throughout the years and even made him feel more confident than he was. But now, in this moment, Naruto's gaze never left the ground. This day had been hell, and it wasn't even noon. Last night, Jiji had questioned Naruto about Sasuke, and it led to a confusing confrontation where Naruto questioned if his memory was even real. He wanted him to communicate more, but not in a screaming match with Sakura. Jiji kept Kakashi on the team as if it would help them grow stronger and better, but Kakashi merely held them back.

Was Jiji _trying_ to make Naruto question everything?

Whose side was he on? Naruto had been the one to be by Jiji all these years. He had been in this office a million times and Naruto consulted and complained like anyone would do if they had a horrid class to deal with. Jiji always gave good advice. But when did that advice turn bad? Naruto was told to communicate better, and he did, but this was the result.

Disaster. Everything he did caused disaster to strike.

"You're all so horrible." Naruto said, wrapping his arms around his stomach. He felt as if he were going to be sick. _I'm horrible._ "I can't deal with it." _I destroy everyone I get close to._

Wasn't that what Carelady said back at the orphanage? That Naruto destroyed all the kids he came in contact with?

What if she wasn't wrong?

Sakura hated Naruto, but loved Sasuke. Sasuke tolerated Naruto, but hated Sakura. Just like Kakashi, Naruto hated them all.

What if Naruto never became a ninja? Would the team still be a disaster?

Without Naruto, Sakura wouldn't have any problems. Sasuke never would have had to drag Naruto to the training ground in an attempt to get better as a team. Kakashi wouldn't be dealing with any of this if Naruto hadn't opened his mouth two weeks ago.

None of this would have happened if Naruto had just stayed silent.

Naruto _was_ the problem.

They were better off without him.

And he was better off without them.

There was only one way to get away from them all.

"I want to quit as a ninja."

* * *

I recommend _In The First Place_ by face70. Psychology wise, it's pretty realistic. The romance is heartwarming and really impressive considering the circumstances the author created, and although some might find it triggering, it seems like something that could have happened in canon.

Hope you enjoyed and please review.


	9. Chapter 9

"It's okay, Kiba. Naruto will be great with Akamaru." Hinata said.

Three days.

Three, wondrous days of isolation. Naruto went out when he wanted to, stayed in bed when he felt lazy, and never had any problems with anyone. The villagers went straight back to ignoring him, and some even made comments on how relieving it was that he wanted to quit. There was no pressure to force a relationship with Sakura. No one spoke any ill words directly at him, and everything was drama-free.

It had been a while since he'd been isolated and felt good about it.

And now he got to spend time with a real dog. Kiba was facing problems with Akamaru, and his teacher wanted the dog out of the way for some parts of training. Naruto overheard a conversation with Kiba and Hinata about needing a dog sitter, and Naruto jumped in to volunteer. No pay. That was Kiba's only request. But Naruto didn't volunteer for the money. He just wanted to see what it was like to cuddle an animal that wasn't stuffed.

Kiba was going to teach him how to take care of Akamaru. That was off putting, but worth it in the long run. Taking care of a dog was different than he imagined. Living animals required more care than stuffed ones. And now he sat on the ground, fingers wringing through Akamaru's ears as Hinata reassured Kiba that Naruto would not kill Akamaru.

At least she believed in him.

It was a conversation of repeats. Kiba exclaimed his worries, and Hinata reassured him. They seemed to have forgotten that the purpose of them being there was to teach _him._

"He doesn't know jack shit about dogs. What if I come back to see Akamaru dead. What am I supposed to do then?" Kiba said.

Hinata's cheeks were tainted red. That always happened when she was near Naruto. He didn't understand why, but chose to ignore it in favor of focusing on what she had to say. Oftentimes, when Naruto came near her, she scurried away. So he left her be. No need to pester someone who clearly didn't want him near. This was one of the few times she stayed where she was rather than running off.

Still, he saw how her feet shuffled in a way that showed she wanted to run, and her gaze kept flicking over to him, coloring a darker red, before she faced Kiba once more. She fiddled with her hands, as if not knowing what to do with them, and Kiba didn't bother to mention how strange it was.

Maybe she was like this with everyone. She wasn't much of a talker back in the academy, and she only blushed when he was around. But if Kiba thought her behavior was normal, then she must've acted like this around others.

"That's why your teaching him." Hinata said. "Besides, I don't see anyone else lining up to dog sit. Plus, he's doing it for free. All benefits. No consequences."

"I shouldn't have to get a dog sitter in the first place. Just because Akamaru's picked up a bad habit of shitting everywhere doesn't mean I should give him up like this." Kiba said.

"You can't blame Kurenai-sensei for not wanting to get pooped on again. Even Shino is starting to get fed up."

"But Akamaru is—"

"In good hands. Look how happy they are together."

They looked down on him, eyeing the dog laying in Naruto's lap and watching as he trailed his hands over the soft fur. Akamaru had his eyes closed, breathing softly and leaning in when Naruto hit a spot that felt good. Akamaru did seem to be enjoying this, and Naruto loved how receptive he was.

His stuffed animals were incapable of showing love to their handler.

"Just because Akamaru developed a liking to Naruto—"

"Your dog will be fine, Kiba. Now, go show him how to take care of animals, alright? I don't think Naruto's ever had a pet before."

"That's what I'm worried about. Are you sure Naruto can even be taught? You saw how bad he did in school."

"As if you did any better." Naruto said, "I saw your grades. F's on every paper. At least I got D's."

Kiba bunched his fists, face creasing in a way that did not look pleasant. Brown eyes flared down at him, as if daring Naruto to say another word. But there was nothing more to say. Kiba insulted his ability to learn, and Naruto shot back with cold hard facts.

Kiba whipped his head back to Hinata, face softening as his eyes met hers. "Fine. I'll see if you can take care of Akamaru. But Hinata's going to help me teach you."

"Fine." Naruto said, "as long as Hinata's okay with that."

He doubted she would be. And as her body went rim rod straight, eyes widening in horror, Naruto knew he was right. Hinata, as sweet as she was, did not want to be near him.

"I-I can't do that." She said. "Not because I don't want to. But-but…" Just as Naruto thought she couldn't get any redder, Hinata's blush grew deeper. He cringed. She had to be painfully hot right now. She twiddled her thumbs, looking down at the ground, legs wobbling slightly to show that she was about to fall.

"I don't think blushing this much is normal, Hinata. Have you thought about getting it checked out?" Naruto said.

Her eyes bulged, and rather than answering his question, she craned her head up to meet Kiba. Her eyes narrowed, and a hand waved her face, "You know why I can't do that."

"Come on, Hinata. Don't you think it's time he knew how you f—"

Her lips straightened, face a never-ending color of crimson. "Don't say it, Kiba." She said.

"But he should know."

"He doesn't need to know anything."

"Actually, I'd liked to know." Naruto said, "I hate it when people don't tell me important things."

Kiba stared at Hinata. There was a hint of frustration lining his features, but he eventually threw his hands up and groaned. "Fine, I won't tell him. But you'd better do it soon. Everyone else knows. Only a matter of time before _someone_ spills the beans. Mainly Ino. She is _so_ into gossip."

Kiba then got on his knees, now at eye level with both Naruto and Akamaru. "Now, lets get started. One thing you always need to remember about Akamaru is that he is a living creature. You can't treat him like anything else…"

And Naruto nodded in the appropriate moments as Kiba taught him how to spoil a dog.

* * *

Water sloshed his ankles as Naruto trudged through green goop. He'd taken to resting on the grass after Hinata and Kiba left, and somehow found himself sitting half-buried in chunky water. He supposed he must have been kidnapped, and this was someone's poor attempt to drown him. As annoying as it was, it didn't matter too much. He was still alive, after all, and the water was far too shallow for any drowning. Now all he had to do was find a way out of this rotten maze.

As he scavenged through the darkness, feeling the walls for a trace of coordination, he grasped something cold and round. It felt metallic, with rims of dust adorning it. Naruto reached out with his other hand, feeling a second one next to the first.

Bars.

Whoever kidnapped him put him behind bars.

That was when he felt it. The trembling cold of death washed over his body, sending tremors through his limbs. Naruto shuddered, breathless. He licked his lips, feeling someone's eyes on him. Body frozen, he craned his head upwards, somehow knowing without reason that whoever watched him was above. His body turned to ice when he saw it. Blood red eyes, as big as the Hokage's head on the monument, stared him down with merciless disgust. Slitted pupils curved with glassy black, blinking every now and then and succumbing him to complete darkness before the eyes opened once again. There was no rhyme or reason to why this _thing_ was here. Surely no kidnapper would have a monster in their dungeon.

"It took me longer than it should have to get you down here."

He knew that voice.

"You're-you're—" Naruto said. _The voice. That stupid, stupid voice._

Why couldn't he say it?

"Kyuubi." It said. "And get your job back. The less you use your chakra, the more likely it is I'll escape."

" _What?"_

He choked on his own breath.

"Stop—this feeling is—stop it."

He couldn't breathe.

The monster in his head. Kyuubi. He thought Mizuki was lying. Iruka-sensei said it was a lie. And Jiji never came to tell him otherwise. Mizuki wanted Naruto to suffer by believing there was a literal monster inside him. That was why he screamed at Naruto after he stole Jiji's scroll. But it was a lie. It was _supposed_ to be a lie.

Didn't the fourth Hokage kill Kyuubi? To believe that a demon was sealed inside himself— it was crazy. Mizuki was crazy.

And yet, this was most certainly a monster.

He never really thought about what Mizuki said that day. It didn't matter. Because a traitor would lie, and the reason people hated him didn't matter because they would _always_ hate him.

"Your own body is giving you that feeling. Terrifying, isn't it? Fight or flight sometimes makes people freeze."

Naruto wrapped his arms around himself, seeking any form of comfort and stumbling back. He fell on his butt, using his arms to keep himself upright. The water dug under his clothes and spilled ice into his bones.

He stared up at those eyes, the nerves in his body telling him to run. But he couldn't move, and this monster kept _staring at him._

"A dream." Naruto said, "You're not real. Mizuki lied. The fourth killed you. I know this. Everyone knows this."

This monster had the same voice as the one that only Naruto could hear.

Could a dream slip into reality?

"Get back to becoming a ninja or I will escape."

Naruto swallowed, clearing his throat in hopes of getting his voice back. "Don't you want that?" He said. The eyes narrowed into slits, moving downward until Naruto no longer had to strain his neck to look at them.

"You think I want to go back to a world where I'm hunted for eternity? You try living life with no privacy and see where it gets you."

"How is a-a cage any better?"

"I'm alone now."

Somehow, that made sense. It was only when Naruto spent the days in solitude that he found sanity. But how was being a ninja supposed to keep Kyuubi sealed?

Did Naruto want Kyuubi to stay?

"Why should I listen to you?"

"Because I'm the only good thing you've got."

"No." Naruto shook his head, "Jiji's good."

"The Third didn't take you off the team upon request. There wouldn't be any problem if he listened to you."

"He did what he could."

"But was it enough?"

 _No._

"Shut up."

"He'll never let you quit. Not as long as I'm here and you're Konoha's weapon."

That made no sense.

"He gave me a week to think about it. I've already decided. I'm not-not a ninja anymore."

"Think of it this way then. When I escape, I will kill everyone. You. The Hokage. That brat with the sharingan. The village. All humans. You want to stop me? Use your chakra. The most effective method for that? Keeping your job."

Something was off here. It was unnatural, no matter how much solitude Kyuubi wanted, for it to advise Naruto on how to keep it sealed. _Lies. Everyone lies._ Kyuubi was in a cage. If Naruto were Kyuubi, he'd use every trick available to get out.

What if Kyuubi truly did want to stay?

 _No one would_ choose _to be caged._

"You're lying." Naruto said, "everyone lies."

Did demons need socialization to stay sane? What if this solitude gave Kyuubi all he wanted?

What if it wasn't a lie?

And what if it was?

"I hate lies. Can never tell what's truth anymore."

Kyuubi was evil. That much Naruto did know.

He should talk to Jiji about it.

Jiji always had answers.

* * *

He woke with a gasp, eyes wide. He sat up, fists clenched and ready to defend himself. Birds chirped above him, the grass as soft and green as always. No dirty water. No darkness. No eyes.

No monster.

He sighed, relieved to find that it _was_ a dream.

A crazy, terrifying, and strange dream.

Mizuki must've gotten into his head and only now did it catch up with him.

No way was a demon sealed inside him.

 **Stop being stupid.**

That voice was not a demon.

He was not a carrier for a mass murderer.

He jumped as someone cleared their throat beside him. Sasuke sat on his knees, lips stern and eyes narrowed. His pale face seemed sickly in the bright sun and dark clothes.

"I don't like it." He said.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** So, Naruto got a dog. Sort of. Not really. He gets to spend time with a dog. That's something to look forward to. Anyways, I am super nervous about this chapter. Let me know what you guys think. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

I recommend _Reality Bites_ by dti. It's one of the saddest sickfics I've ever read, and the characters emotions are so realistic.


	10. Chapter 10

"You shouldn't quit because of Sakura." Sasuke said.

"Okay."

His reasons for quitting went beyond Sakura. There was the fact that Naruto didn't choose to be a ninja, and while everyone else wanted to move onto higher ranking missions, Naruto found himself more than happy with D-ranks so long as he got his money. That was a poor reason to stay in the job. Sakura was toxic. She did play a major role in why he left. As did Kakashi, and on some level, maybe even Sasuke. Naruto barely had time to process his long-held grudge towards Sasuke the day he announced his resignation, so he might have been angry about it then.

He wasn't now.

"She's controlling you. Major decisions like this—they shouldn't be made lightly. And especially not for anyone but yourself."

Naruto raised a brow. That was the second piece of advice Sasuke offered him. The first was years ago, and to this day, he used Sasuke's advice to keep the appearance of confidence. But now they were barely more than acquaintances, whereas back then, they had only seen each other for the first time.

"You really like handing out advice, don't you?" Naruto said. "And I'm not quitting _just_ because of Sakura."

"Who am I going to spar with when you're gone?"

That was what Sasuke was worried about? Naruto rolled his eyes. Problems like that were too shallow for him to deal with. Sasuke could find any number of people to spar with. God only knew how many people wanted to spar him already.

"Whoever they replace me with." Naruto said. Sasuke's eye twitched as he leaned forward. His took a deep breath, releasing pent up frustration at Naruto's lack of cooperation.

"There's no one. Our class had an even number of students. Everyone got placed, and no more graduates will be turning genin for another five months. I don't even want to imagine sparring with Sakura."

"I'm not going to be a ninja because of you, Sasuke. As you said, I should make these decisions for myself."

Naruto was sitting crossed legged while Sasuke sat on his knees, more poised and sophisticated than Naruto ever was. There was no reason for Sasuke to want Naruto to stay. They hardly knew each other, and when they talked it was always in the form of an argument. They sparred sometimes. That was true. But how difficult would it be for Sasuke to find a new sparring partner. He was worshipped, applauded, and ogled by everyone. Sasuke had everything where Naruto had nothing.

They were nothing alike. They weren't friends. They weren't enemies. They were only strangers.

Sasuke's nostrils flared as he ground his teeth. He looked to the ground, as if searching for anything that could give him an idea of what to say. So Naruto waited. Sasuke would speak when he had the words. There was no stopping that. But nothing could get Naruto to change his mind on quitting.

 **Not even the death of your village?**

 _Shut up. You're not real._

"If you're not a ninja, what are you going to do?" Sasuke said.

It was a good question. Naruto had become reliant on Jiji's income, and no one would hire him anywhere. As sad as it was, this was the only job he had going for him. _I didn't choose it._ There were plants he could sell. And furniture. Maybe even the rest of his stuffed toys. But after that? All he had was Jiji's income. That was hardly enough to get by _and_ enjoy small luxuries.

"I don't know." He said. Sasuke had always been blunt, even in situations where kindness was better. He was honest in the most brutal way. And maybe that was what Naruto needed now. Raw honesty of life after unemployment.

"Give it to me straight, Sasuke. How badly do I need a job?" He said.

Sasuke gave him a bland look. "You've got nothing if you're not a ninja. No parents. I'm assuming your broke based on how cheap you get when we go out for lunch. Shops don't hire children, either. And I doubt they'd hire you given the looks—"

"Jesus, Sasuke. You know Jiji gives me money, right? It's not much. But I'm not a _goner_ without this job."

Sasuke blinked. He supposed it wasn't everyday you hear that the third Hokage handed out money to kids. Or at least Naruto. He didn't know if Jiji had anyone else in his charity case. It didn't seem like there was. After all, Naruto had been under Jiji's care for years, and not once did he see or hear anything about anyone else under Jiji's care.

"You asked." Sasuke said.

"A _teeny, tiny_ bit of sugarcoating never hurt anyone. Just enough so you don't sound like a total ass."

"The point is, Sakura may be awful, and you might have other reasons. But you need money." Sasuke said.

"I've managed four years without a job. What's a couple more?"

Maybe he could ask Jiji for more money than usual. He was going to need it without any extra earnings. Naruto's budget already depended on the cash from D-ranks. He'd have to alter his spending habits if he wanted to afford the bare necessities.

"You never brought lunch to school." Sasuke said.

Was he so desperate to keep Naruto in the team that he'd bring up the academy days?

"That's hardly relevant."

 _And none of your business._

"Did you not have the money for it? Even with the Hokage's money?"

Naruto eyed him warily. There was no reason Sasuke should know that. And he _was_ able to afford a light lunch three days per week. It wasn't as if he were starving. There was also breakfast and dinner, which Naruto never failed to have.

But Sasuke shouldn't know that Naruto ate nothing most days back in school.

Not unless he'd been watching.

Constantly.

For years.

Naruto shuddered. That was not a thought he wanted to dive into.

"You're stalking me, aren't you?"

Sasuke knew Naruto was at the flower shop without Naruto ever having told him so.

He found Naruto laying on the grass and watched him sleep for god knew how long.

Now, Sasuke was trying to keep Naruto in the team, using every excuse and reason imaginable.

Maybe he had more to worry about than Sakura.

Sasuke's eyes widened, shocked to be accused of something so big. He shook his head, hair waving from side to side. Naruto cocked his head, waiting for the excuse of why Sasuke knew so much about him without ever having talked to him.

"I notice things about people. Even when I don't want to. I see things. I feel their mood. Like the atmosphere in a group. It's weird. I hate it. Yours is particularly foul and depressing. It's hard to ignore something like that."

That was not what he expected. But it gave no reason on why Sasuke knew where he was or why he tried to keep him within bounds.

"That's weird, man." Naruto said.

"Shut up."

"You shut up."

Still, Sasuke made some valid points. He did not want to go back to a life where he could only have lunch three times a week.

* * *

Sasuke was groggy when he answered the door, and Naruto rushed in without the permission he knew Sasuke would not give. Bed head struck at coal black hair as Sasuke half-heartedly gave Naruto a glare. It was late at night. Hardly a villager was awake. Yet here Naruto was bouncing on his feet.

"You need to disappear for a day." Naruto said. "It's been bothering me. What you said about money. I do need it. And I need to understand what I'll be missing to make sure that quitting really is worth it."

Quitting was trading one misery for another. Sakura was toxic. So was poverty. His team sucked. So did poverty. Life sucked, but poverty simply made it worse. One misery for another. Naruto didn't know it was possible. His team gave him a panic attack, made him double over and afraid and yet somehow, not having the one thing that gave him the smallest stability was far more terrifying than going back.

Jiji gave him a week to decide if he wanted to quit. He needed to consider which alternative was worse.

Sakura or poverty.

Jiji could always give him money.

But Jiji was also old. He wouldn't be around forever, so Naruto needed to figure out if he truly wanted to give up his only chance at a job.

"Excuse me?" Sasuke said.

"I need to henge as you. Have that money for a day. See if I really want to give this chance up."

 _And I'll get to_ be _you for a day._

For one day, he'd have _everything._

Sasuke released a heavy sigh, blinking owlishly and raking a hand through his hair. "It's way too early for this." He said.

"So, you'll disappear tomorrow?"

"No."

"But then I can't—"

"I'll henge as you."

Naruto froze. He should have expected it. Of course Sasuke wouldn't hole himself up in his house all day. He'd want something from this. And it would be Naruto's life.

That tiny apartment filled with plants. The _looks_ and _whispers_ the villagers gave him when he walked down the street. The money problem that left him selling his own toys. _Sakura_ and the other kids.

Sasuke would know all of it in the most intimate of ways.

"You don't want to do that." Naruto said, "you really, _really_ don't want to do that."

Sasuke was used to applause and recognition. To have that stripped from him— Naruto didn't think he could last. Not without the praise and the money and the power.

Naruto would spend a day in Sasuke's life and Sasuke would spend a day in Naruto's.

Was it worth it?

He did want to feel the power Sasuke had over others.

"I think it'll be interesting." Sasuke said.

But he didn't want Sasuke to know him so well.

"It's a bad idea." Naruto said.

"So is henging as me."

"Of course it's a bad idea. But yours is worse. Trust me, you do not want to be me."

Who in their right mind would? Even with Naruto not wanting Sasuke to be him, there was the question of _who would do this._ A madman, certainly. After witnessing Naruto break down and lash out, Sasuke had no reason to desire the knowledge of what could have caused everything Naruto did and said. There was no reason or sanity in Sasuke's wish.

There was plenty in Naruto's.

"Then you'll never be me." Sasuke said, crossing his arms. His brow was raised, arrogance leaking from him with every word and movement. Naruto scowled, looking Sasuke up and down. _Pretty boy. Always so condescending._

"I don't want to _be_ you." Naruto said.

He wanted to know where that arrogance came from and how someone got it.

"Right. You only want to be me for a day."

"Exactly."

"And I want to be you for a day."

" _Why?"_

Sasuke had everything. Money. Power. Recognition. No one tried to wipe his arrogant ass off the floor because he was always right. Why would anyone give that up for Naruto's life?

"Just to experiment." Sasuke said.

It was stupid.

"That's ridiculous."

Idiotic.

"Aren't you experimenting too?"

And completely unfair.

"Fine. What do I need to know about you beforehand?"

But Sasuke didn't owe him anything. It made sense to swap lives rather than having one of them hide away. But Naruto was giving Sasuke a side of himself no one saw, and Sasuke was merely giving Naruto the recognition and power he never had.

* * *

Today is an anomaly. As you can see, I updated two days in a row, and got an entire chapter done today. That has never happened before. I sort of got excited for the chapter after this one, and suddenly had to get this chapter out of the way to get to the next.

How do you feel about them henging as each other?

I recommend _Soup's On_ by offansandflames. The story has an interesting setup, one that I've never seen before. The author captures the characters in such a realistic way and it's one of the best I've ever read.


	11. Chapter 11

"I don't think I thought this all the way through." Naruto said, holding his wallet of money open. Sasuke insisted they trade finances with each other, especially since Naruto wanted to live in luxury for a day. He hadn't expected Sasuke to hand over anything, let alone five thousand. Just living in a mansion was enough to give him the knowledge of what the best decision was.

"Meaning what?"

"This is all the money I've got. I don't want you spending any of it." Naruto said.

Exchanged finances was a bit excessive for what Naruto wanted from this. Sasuke seemed to look forward to this part, as if he wanted to experience nothingness and see a side of life unknown to him. It wasn't something Naruto was particularly excited for. The thousand dollars he'd managed to save had to be spent on bills. He needed it, and had no idea what Sasuke was going to do with his money.

Not to mention Sasuke casually handed over five thousand as if it were nothing.

"Isn't that the point?" Sasuke said.

That was the initial plan. Now that Naruto was going through with it, he was unsure. That money was all he had left, and he was about to leave it in Sasuke's control.

"But I really don't want you to use that money. It's only a thousand dollars, and half of it gets put into _next months_ rent. So that's five hundred for an entire month and that's not even counting bills."

Sasuke cocked his head, eyes squinting. It was a look Naruto saw a million times before, and it meant that Sasuke thought he was an idiot.

Again.

He sighed. Could he do or say anything without being judged for it?

"You realize you can use that five thousand for anything, right? Including rent and bills. You might even have some leftover." Sasuke said.

Naruto blinked. That should have been clear. Why else would he have five thousand in his hands? But that meant he had five thousand dollars. Not the measly two thousand Naruto always had, but an extra three thousand and it was his and he could spend it however he wanted.

Naruto narrowed his eyes. It sounded fishy. Who in their right mind gave away five thousand dollars and expected nothing in return?

"I get to spend all of this? No catch? Nothing that's gonna bite my ass later? Is there a contract I don't remember signing?"

"Five thousand isn't that much, Naruto."

Naruto stared down at the cash Sasuke gave him. It was a lot. More than he'd ever had before. Five thousand dollars. It was a wonder that he'd never seen so much before. The most he managed to save was four thousand, and he had to spend that on bills and rent.

Now there was a bundle of green at his disposal, free to be used however he pleased.

It was too good to be true.

"I don't want a loan Sasuke. Debt is not something I want to get into." Not after the time when he was nine and borrowed money from a neighbor. Turned out he had to pay it back with interest, and he ended up losing more than he'd gained. "I can just stay in this house for a day, walk around as you." _Enjoy a day of luxury. "_ I don't need all this money to make a decision."

Sasuke tapped his foot as he crossed his arms. "Are you forgetting the point of this test?"

Did Sasuke _really_ want to take an experiment this far? It was exactly what Naruto asked for, yet it seemed too much. He wasn't used to handouts, and money was an important aspect of life. Wasn't he obligated to return it no matter what? Even if a contract wasn't signed?

"It just seems fishy. Five thousand is so much. I feel like I'll have to repay you."

Sasuke shrugged. "You can if you want. Not gonna hold it against you, though."

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. What was Sasuke thinking? Tempting Naruto with free handouts. How could he not repay every penny? It was five fricking thousand. That was more than most made in a month, and two thousand more than what Naruto got from Jiji and D-ranks. He couldn't accept it. All he wanted was a day in the house. Was that too little to ask?

But didn't _he_ ask to understand Sasuke's finances? What better way to do that than have the money?

"Right. Maybe we shouldn't do this. At least the money part. It's way too complicated." Naruto said.

"That's the part I was looking forward to."

"But five thousand—"

"Do you want three thousand instead?"

Three thousand was the amount he made monthly. He should accept Sasuke's offer. But then he'd have nothing for the rest of the month. With Sasuke's money, he could count on having at least a thousand after paying bills, and that was without selling _anything._ There would be plenty for repairs when something mysteriously broke. And next time the landlord pretended to have not received his water bill, Naruto could simply whip out Sasuke's money and hand it over.

It was too good to be true, but too good to pass up.

He could repay it someday. He'd have to. Otherwise Naruto would always feel as if he were in Sasuke's debt.

How could he pay it back when he didn't have a job?

"I don't need that money." Sasuke said, "You obviously do. It doesn't put a dent in my finances. Just take it and use it however you want." Sasuke puffed his cheeks, eyes serious as he asked his next question. "Now, taking into consideration bills, rent and food, how much money am I really left with?"

Naruto opened his mouth, closed it. He didn't know if he wanted to do this. Sasuke obviously did. And why wouldn't he? He had nothing to lose. Not like Naruto did. Sasuke would have no trouble getting the money to repay Naruto. There was no risk for him. Not like there was with Naruto.

Still, this five thousand could solve a lot of problems. Someday he could get a job. Or he could be a ninja again. Repayment was possible in the future, and Sasuke did say Naruto didn't _have_ to pay it back.

"Well, normally Jiji gives me two thousand. But I spent half of it on this months rent. I've been eating last months food. Haven't had any repairs yet. Bills still need to get paid. I'm running low on ramen…"

Naruto grimaced. There was nothing left. He'd spent too much after receiving an extra thousand from D-ranks. Now he was left in the dark with nothing again. Just like it had been before he became a ninja.

Just like it had always been.

Maybe a loan wouldn't be so bad. So long as Sasuke didn't have a date in which it needed to be repaid.

Maybe if the deadline was years in the future. That wouldn't be so hard. Five thousand saved up three years from today? He'd have that by then if he stayed a genin.

"You're _really_ not expecting me to repay it? So there's no deadline of when I need to give you five thousand—"

"That money is worthless, Naruto. Save it, spend it, hoard it. I'm not taking it back and you never have to repay it."

"In that case, I'm in the negatives. Or you are. That 500 that was left got washed out. I'll need to sell more plants and stuffed animals. Iruka-sensei likes buying it for his class. I'll show you which ones to sell. You can do it tonight."

Sasuke gave him a blank look. "So, there's nothing."

It didn't sound like a problem in his head. Having a balance of zero happened often. He could usually get away with selling his belongings to scrap just enough to survive. And when that didn't work, Jiji would happily provide some more if Naruto asked.

He didn't like asking. Naruto hated taking money that didn't belong to him.

"It's no big deal." He said, "I didn't get paid for D-ranks this week, so I have less than usual. I'll show you which things to sell. I usually get a good forty to eighty. It depends on how many stuffed animals and plants I give up."

"Right. Shouldn't the Hokage be giving you more than this?"

More than two thousand? That seemed unreasonable. If Naruto hadn't been splurging on plants and stuffed toys, he'd probably have plenty to pay for everything. But that extra thousand from D-ranks spoiled him into spending rather than saving.

"I dunno. Should he? It seems rude to ask for more. I mean, he's already given me so much."

Something about that sentence didn't sit right on his tongue.

"I don't want to take any more from him than I already have." Naruto said. "Besides, I'm 12 now. I should be able to do this on my own."

He didn't know what he was expecting, but Sasuke's eyes bulging in horror was not it. He'd forgotten, only for a second, that it was not normal for children to pay bills. That was the parents job. Sasuke understood that. He had parents once upon a time. But Naruto had been doing this for so long. Bills were a part of life he couldn't remember not experiencing. Rent too, had been his responsibility since childhood. It seemed strange that in another timeline Naruto could have had parents to handle the money. It didn't feel normal to _let_ someone else pay for the place he resided.

Maybe that was why he had such a hard time handing over his finances. Naruto had never let _anyone_ touch his money before, let alone give away complete control over it.

"I don't think either of us should be paying bills on our own."Sasuke said.

Naruto cocked his head. What was a life without bills? "Why's that?"

He knew the answer. How could he not? Sasuke had parents once. He knew what it was like for someone else to handle finances. So why'd Naruto even ask? To play dumb and act as if he knew nothing of being a child? That was ridiculous. It was a stupid question. A stupid, stupid—

"Because that's what parents are supposed to do." Sasuke said.

And it hit him that Naruto knew nothing about that. He saw parents pick their kids up from the academy. He'd simmered in jealousy as he watched children smile happily and share a life with someone to care for them. Naruto couldn't have that because his parents were dead. He didn't know who they were or what happened to them, but they had never been a part of his life, and all the responsibility fell on his shoulders. _It's not fair._ He wanted a life where there was someone to care for him. And not just a paycheck every month or a meeting every week. Naruto wanted _more._ There had to be more than rent and bills and money and _nothingness._

But this was all he had. Stuffed animals. Plants. Jiji's money.

He had a roof over his head. That was more than some people got.

"I don't know anything about that." Naruto said. Jiji cared. He had to remember that. Naruto could go to him about everything, no matter how small. Jiji listened and cared and Naruto loved him.

So why did it feel as if Jiji wasn't enough?

 **Because he's not doing enough.**

He really, really wanted that voice to disappear.

"I think that's everything for my budget." Naruto said. "What about yours?"

"Nothing extensive. You'll probably enjoy it. My parents bought the house, so there's no rent. Take three thousand out for bills. There's enough food in the pantry to last you the day. Use the extra two thousand however you want."

* * *

So, this is probably not what you expected. I originally planned on making this longer and actually show them living each other's lives, but plans do not always work out. I am currently going through a rough patch, and wanted to give you guys something, even if it's only the first scene of the henge arc.

Hope you enjoyed.

I recommend _Naruto of Chaos_ by Jean010, which I must say, is the best and only neglect fic I have ever read. It's an emotional rollercoaster, with characters you will love and hate. I wasn't able to predict what will happen next, and having that in a story is simply amazing.


	12. Chapter 12

They watched him walk through the village, awed by everything and nothing. Naruto shifted uncomfortably. He'd been expecting some attention. Wearing Sasuke's face was bound to bring it. But the amount of people worshiping the ground he walked on was surprising.

Then there was Shikamaru.

Team ten walked alongside him. Naruto didn't know why, but the way Ino kept grabbing his arm suggested she had something to do with it. Shikamaru was staring more than anyone, eyes never leaving Naruto's face. It was weird. In the academy, Shikamaru was a lazy ass dude who didn't care enough about anything and still got straight A's. Naruto never saw him do any work, and for a while, he suspected Iruka-sensei favored him. But then he'd seen how Shikamaru turned in every paper and realized that at some point, he did do the assigned work.

"You like me more than Sakura, right Sasuke?" Ino said. She trailed her fingertips up his arm. Naruto shivered, feeling something warm travel in his lower gut. That was not a normal way to touch someone. He didn't like it, and shuffled away from her.

"I don't like creepy people." He said, "both you and Sakura suck."

The group paused in their steps. And Naruto, not wanting to feel like the odd one out, stopped too. Sasuke didn't have friends. He didn't know why they were all hanging around him. Maybe a common destination or something. Maybe they just had a habit of following Sasuke around. In any case, he doubted Sasuke wanted to deal with Sakura or Ino. Better to get rid of them now before they start harassing him.

Sasuke could thank him for it later.

"You don't usually say that much to me." Ino said, "the words were mean. But it's okay. At least you're willing to talk to me now."

Or maybe Sasuke would kill him for it.

He might have just made Sasuke's life worse by giving Ino a response.

Shikamaru folded his arms across his chest. "Troublesome. Now you've given her even more reason to talk about you."

"Sorry." Naruto said. He looked to Choji, who was too busy crunching potato chips to pay attention. When Choji realized Naruto was watching, he pressed the bag close to him and mumbled 'mine.'

Naruto shook his head. This was way too weird.

"So, where are you all going?" Naruto said. _And why are you following me?_

"Don't you remember? Kakashi wants our team to train together so that he has an excuse not to train with Gai. We figured we could just follow you. You know, spend some quality time together. Get to know each other—" Ino steadily crept up on him, and Naruto was forced to back up with every step she took.

"I got it." He said. He narrowed his eyes. She was getting way too close and wasn't taking a hint. Did Sasuke put up with this daily? Naruto couldn't imagine dealing with people stalking and touching him all the time. That seemed almost worse than being ignored.

Shikamaru grabbed her shoulder before she could take another step. She looked at Shikamaru's hand curiously, face dropping as she saw Shikamaru. Ino brushed his hand off, stepping back as she watched him from the corner of her eye.

What was with Sakura and Ino's obsession with Sasuke? All he did was ignore them.

"Sorry about that." Shikamaru said, "Ino likes to go after what she wants. I think her bloodline gives her the idea that privacy isn't a thing, so sometimes she's creepy. Especially if Sakura wants the same thing as her."

"Uh-huh."

He never thought there was such a thing as too much attention.

He glanced over at all of them. Shikamaru seemed the most reasonable. Naruto didn't even want to know Ino's mindset. Why did she think she could have Sasuke? That wasn't _her_ decision to make. Choji was… eating a new bag of chips. They were all so different from each other, yet there was no toxicity or hatred resonating like there was with team seven.

Strange.

"So, the training ground?" Naruto said, "we going to grounds seven or ten?"

"Seven. Weren't you listening when Kakashi said this?" Choji said, "I thought you were trying to be a ninja. Gotta listen and follow orders to do it properly."

"I usually do." Naruto said.

But he hadn't been in team seven for days. Sasuke should have told him about this whole training with team ten before Naruto went out today. He knew he had to train with Sakura. How could he not? Wearing Sasuke's face meant following his schedule. The day in Sasuke's shoes hadn't been as pleasant as Naruto thought it would be.

He was so used to being ignored that all this attention felt foreign.

There were three people that _wanted_ to be around him. They _willingly_ came by to walk with him. He had no doubt that Sakura would be ecstatic when she saw him. Would she be anything like Ino? Naruto only knew the side of her that acted like a bitch, and that was unpleasant enough.

If she touched him the way Ino did…

He shuddered. That was too creepy to think about.

When they made it to training ground seven, Kakashi's eyes pierced through Naruto. He took a step forward, brows furrowed and ordered everyone but Naruto to train several yards away, using Sasuke's name of course. _He knows. He definitely knows._

Figured a trained Jounin and former ANBU could figure him out.

Naruto crossed his arms, sticking his tongue out at Kakashi and turned to go with the others. Kakashi was having none of it, however and put his hand on Naruto's shoulder to stop him. It worked. Naruto _did_ stop. Not to have a chat with Kakashi, but to at least hear the first words to come from his mouth.

"What did you do with Sasuke?"

So that was it. Kakashi thought Naruto had kidnapped Sasuke or something. That certainly explained why he kicked everyone out.

"He's lounging around my apartment with my face. Perfectly fine. Not hurt. Possibly learning what hell is like. That sort of thing. You can see him if you want. The apartment isn't too far away."

Kakashi's shoulder's sagged. He lifted his hand, plopping crossed legged on the ground and pulling out a book. Naruto furrowed his brows. Wasn't he going to train with the others? Naruto couldn't just sit there and do nothing as everyone fought to get stronger. He was pretending to be Sasuke, after all. If he didn't train, they'd think something was wrong with him.

"How's the civilian life treating you?" Kakashi asked.

That was… unexpected. Was Kakashi finally ready to talk to him about shit? Could have done it before Naruto quit his job. Whatever. He followed Kakashi's example and sat on the ground. There wasn't any book for him to read so instead he picked at the grass.

"It's nice. Peaceful." He said. _Better now that Sakura's gone._ "I got a dog sitting job. Akamaru's having poop problems. Kurenai doesn't want him anywhere near her now."

Kakashi nodded. "That's good. The Hokage refuses to put me back in ANBU. Tragic, really. I've never been good with kids."

"I can tell."

"Got any advice?"

"Don't encourage Sakura's love life. Help Sasuke escape Sakura. Don't force two people to be friendly. Actually teach shit, and bring Pakkun everywhere you go."

It was a lot easier to be around Kakashi when he had a choice. He could simply run off and train with Shikamaru and the others. Kakashi probably wouldn't stop him, and he was wearing Sasuke's face. There was little anyone would do if he decided to leave. But now that Kakashi was sitting and just _talking_ , he wanted to stay. Not many people ever asked about his life, and when they did it was typically out of obligation. Kakashi wasn't obligated to do anything for Naruto.

Kakashi's eyes squinted as he turned the next page. Naruto leaned forward, waiting to hear what Kakashi thought of his advice.

People never went to him for help.

"Understood. But I don't think Pakkun needs to go everywhere."

Now that was outrageous. If Naruto did choose to be a genin again, he wanted a dog around at all times, and Akamaru was only a side job for when Kiba needed extra help or Kurenai got fed up. Pakkun, however, was Kakashi's dog. It could be around team seven all day long and no one would bat an eye.

"Kids like dogs." _I think._ "And you want to be a better teacher, right? Then you give the kids what they want. In this case, dogs."

"I think _you_ want dogs. I don't know about Sasuke and Sakura."

Sasuke definitely wouldn't like dogs. Cats, maybe. But dogs were too hyper and excitable for Sasuke. Having something so happy and smiley might kill him.

Or kill the misery radiating from him.

Naruto chuckled. He should bring Akamaru to Sasuke's place sometime.

"I also think giving them _everything_ they want might be a bad idea." Kakashi said. "Otherwise I'd have to give Sasuke to Sakura, because that's what she wants."

"You shouldn't do that."

"I don't think so either." Kakashi leaned forward and cupped his mouth. "Between you and me, I think she has some stalking tendencies."

Naruto laughed. How often did people side with him? This was a rare moment where Naruto was finally right about something. "Sasuke does too. It's creepy how much he knows about me."

Maybe he was right to have left the team. Kakashi seemed happier now, probably because he was gone. He couldn't speak for Sakura, but she must have been excited when he quit. After all, then she'd get Sasuke to herself. Not to mention he was no longer a problem to anyone else.

"Just as long as he doesn't start following you. Now that would be creepy." Kakashi said.

"Ugh. I don't want to imagine it."

Someone tapped his shoulder, and Naruto looked behind him to see Sakura. Warily, he pulled away from her and gave a small smile. Her hair was messier than usual, and there was no curve to her lips. "Can I talk to you?" She said, jilting her head to the side. Naruto frowned. Was it a love confession? He was pretty sure Sasuke got a lot of those from her. So many that Sakura no longer asked for privacy anymore.

He gave Kakashi a questioning look, but he only shrugged.

He should say no, let her dive into self pity, and move on.

But she seemed too serious for a petty love confession.

"Sure." Naruto said, "what about?"

He stood up to follow her, and she led him a few feet from Kakashi.

The way she didn't talk or squeal or even bat her eyelashes was worrisome. This was Sakura, and she thought he was Sasuke. Shouldn't she be flirting? That was all she ever did with Sasuke, so what was she doing now?

"I don't like you that much anymore." She said.

Was he supposed to care? Sasuke might have sagged in relief, but Naruto had been the target of her hatred for years. The fact that she hated him came as no surprise at all.

But she wasn't talking about _him,_ she was talking about Sasuke.

"Okay." He said. He doubted Sasuke would care _that_ much, and it wouldn't be sadness he'd feel at the news.

"And you don't even care?"

"Not really."

She put her head down, hands behind her back as she dug her shoe into the ground. "Yeah. I guess that makes sense. You always said you didn't like me that way."

He rolled his eyes. This was news to her?

"You're just figuring that out?" He said.

"I'm slow, okay? But you're really mean. I think we should all try to be nicer."

 _Look who's talking._ He scowled, and for the millionth time, he wanted to shove his knuckles into her face.

"Okay." He said.

Maybe one punch wouldn't hurt.

"So we should apologize to Naruto."

 _What?_

He stood there, frozen and with his arms limp by his sides. When had she wracked the guts up to admit fault?

"Why we? As far as I know, you're the only problem."

"Nuh-uh. Naruto blames you for something too. I know you have something to apologize for."

"Me and Naruto already talked about that. We're good now."

"Oh."

She looked dejected. Maybe she wanted someone there with her when she finally apologized.

"So what are you gonna do about it?"

"I don't know. Naruto's a mess, and it's pathetic. But part of it's my fault. And I don't want to admit that to him. I mean, he quit as a ninja because of me. That's his career! Who in their right mind does that?"

He ignored her insults and focused on the fact that she was finally apologizing. Or would apologize later. Right now he was Sasuke, not Naruto, and although he wasn't the most spectacular actor, he could give her what she needed to hear.

"Maybe it's because your toxic. I find he's much more relaxed without you in his life."

"So, does that mean I don't have to apologize. I mean, if he doesn't want to see me—"

"Hold yourself accountable, Sakura."

She swallowed. "Right. I'll talk to him."

* * *

This was really fun and surprisingly easy to write. I thought of that scene with Sakura while on vacation two weeks ago. It seemed like a good chance for development for her. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

I recommend _Storms_ by kazenoyouni. The fic has amazing prose, an interesting plot, and great characterization.


	13. Chapter 13

"You know what?" Sakura said. "I should apologize before I chicken out. I'll go tell Kakashi I'm leaving."

"Now?" Apologizing now meant apologizing to Sasuke. She'd walk to Naruto's apartment and talk to the wrong guy. Sakura didn't know that, and Naruto wanted to be there when she admitted guilt. He wanted to hear what she had to say. How was he supposed to do that when Sakura was leaving now?

"There's no better time. I feel like I can actually do it."

She strode off to tell Kakashi, leaving Naruto open mouthed and lost about what to do. He watched them talk, seeing Kakashi nod and shoo Sakura away.

What was _he_ doing? Kakashi knew Naruto was in the field, not at home. Why the hell did he encourage her.

"Sakura, wait!" He said, raising his hand and running to catch up. No way was he missing this apology.

"Yeah?"

"I'll come with you. As… uh… moral support. Yeah, moral support."

It was a better excuse than nothing. Sasuke might find himself in a hole for being friendly with Sakura while wearing his face, but who cared about that? Sakura was apologizing. That took priority over anything else.

Sakura smiled, cocking her head to the side. "See," She said, "we should all start being nice. Maybe we could get Naruto on board with that. After I apologize, of course. Do you think he'll take his job back? I feel _really_ bad for pushing him that far."

"I think he had other reasons for quitting, so I can't be sure. But you could ask him." He gave her a thumbs up, grinning as she giggled.

"You're acting weird." She said, "much more open than usual. I kind of like it."

"Ah. Okay."

That was so weird. Sakura complimenting him? It never happened. _She only said it because you have a different face._ No way would she ever say anything that nice if she knew who he was. Even if it was a blank compliment on _his_ personality.

Did that mean Sakura _liked_ it when Sasuke didn't act like himself? How did she ever fall for him in the first place?

But that meant she preferred his…

No. Absolutely not. Sakura _hated_ him.

"So." She scratched the back of her head, stopping in the middle of the road. "Where does Naruto live, anyways?"

She didn't know? That was an important part of her goal she missed. Still, he was there, and he of course knew where his own home was.

"I'll show you. It's not too far."

She nodded, determined eyes following him through the crowed.

* * *

Blond hair. Blue eyes. Three whisker marks on each cheek. Tanned face. _At least I look good._ Sasuke answered the door before they even knocked, welcoming them inside and asking them both to have a seat. It felt strange to be a guest in his own home, but it was what it was.

This was the first time Naruto saw his face outside the mirror or a clone. Naturally, he checked himself out. This was the way Sasuke saw him. Physically, anyways. Naruto had no way of knowing exactly what went on in that twisted head of Sasuke's.

"What brings you two by?" Sasuke said, taking a seat across from them.

 _So polite._ Never would Naruto welcome anyone besides Jiji into his home. Last time someone else tried to come by, they got a rotten tomato thrown in their face. He supposed Sasuke couldn't deny them access though. This was _his home_ , after all. No one could deny him access here.

Except the landlord.

"I came here to—I'm sorry. You have _a lot_ of stuffed animals. I wasn't expecting that." Sakura said, "I mean, they're adorable."

"Thank you." Naruto said. He puffed out his chest. Those stuffed animals were his pride and joy. He worked his ass off to get that many, and organized them by species. It felt more familial that way. The dogs were placed with other dogs, the cats with cats, and dolphins with dolphins. There were dozens more species littering the couch, but Naruto hardly thought it mattered at the moment.

"I worked—" Naruto said, ready to tell her of the effort it took to accumulate so many. But then Sasuke coughed into his arm, eyes fixated on Naruto. It was as he stared into Sasuke's face, his _own_ face, that he realized he took credit for something he did while wearing Sasuke's face."I helped pick some of them out." He said, "I like to think I did a good job."

Sakura blinked, surprised eyes turning to him. "You're into stuffed animals?"

He could see why Sasuke would be angry. Naruto saw not a single stuffed toy in his house, and could understand why he wouldn't want anyone to think he was into them. But now that Naruto wore Sasuke's face and spoke before he thought—

Yeah, there was no coming back from this.

He mouthed an apology to Sasuke, sinking into the couch as he tried to become invisible.

"I am." Sasuke said. It was strange seeing Sasuke use his face and name as a way to get out of having an interest in toys. "I asked him to help me choose between a cat and a dog. Sasuke's not actually _into_ stuffed animals. Said the toys were too childish for his liking."

Sakura frowned, putting her hands in her lap. "Well, I'm over Sasuke. I actually came here to apologize." She said, "so, I'm sorry for how I've treated you all these years. And undermining your feelings about it when you confronted me. I let my parents feelings about you influence how I feel about you. It was wrong. I… really am sorry."

Naruto didn't know what to say. He could say it was alright— and how could it not be so long as she truly tried to be kinder— but Sasuke was still wearing Naruto's face, and he couldn't say a goddamn thing without exposing their little experiment.

He clenched his fists. Sasuke wouldn't handle this right. He didn't know how. But Naruto couldn't do anything and he _wanted_ to because she sounded so sincere and—

"Come back tomorrow." Sasuke said, "I need time to think about this."

Never before did he want to be himself so badly.

He saw tears well in Sakura's eyes as she stood up. "Right. Tomorrow. Got it." She slammed the door as she left. He left the place shortly after that, not seeing Sakura for the remainder of the day.

* * *

"What is it you wanted to talk about?" Jiji said.

His and Sasuke's experiment was over. He knew nothing of whether it was better to have a job or not have one, but he did learn that he did not want too much attention. Sasuke didn't have the perfectly pleasant life Naruto thought he did. There was stalking and touching and flirting and all kinds of weird stuff. It was too much for him to handle. Too new. In his own face and body, Naruto knew what to expect. He was prepared for the worst.

And he liked that. It was predictable.

But now he had questions for Jiji. That damnable voice was too prominent for him to ignore, and after having two sources, one from Mizuki and the other from Kyuubi, Naruto knew he needed confirmation.

 _It had better be a lie._

"Do you know who Kyuubi is?" He said as he sat on the couch. Jiji put it in his office when Naruto decided to spend long hours here as Jiji worked. He was much younger at the time and still new to being completely and utterly alone. But even years later, when Naruto didn't use it nearly as often, Jiji still kept it in the office for when Naruto was able to visit.

Jiji's head snapped up, pencil splitting in his grasp. He looked as surprised as Naruto felt when he first found out a demon was sealed inside him. "You know about it, then. I was surprised when you didn't come see me after Mizuki. I figured you simply didn't hear him."

"I heard him. Just—" _didn't believe him._ "Wasn't ready to talk about it." He didn't want to say he'd been hearing voices, not until Jiji confirmed it was normal.

He didn't want to be diagnosed with anything in case it wasn't Kyuubi Naruto heard.

"Tell me, Naruto." Jiji leaned his head on his hand, looking at Naruto as if this were the worlds serious problem. He swallowed. Was it a problem? Kyuubi was rude at times, but didn't seem overly _bad._ He was even helpful in certain moments, especially when Naruto's confidence began to wane.

Kyuubi always pointed out how stupid he was for nonsensical thoughts. Not even Jiji did that.

 **Good God. You think I'm trying to** _help_ **you?**

"What do you already know about it?" Jiji said.

 _I'm hearing voices and seeing a monster._

"Just that Mizuki said it's sealed inside me. Nothing more."

Jiji nodded. "I see. I fear that you being aware of it might mean you'll meet it soon."

 _I already have._

Being aware didn't correspond with contact. After all, Naruto met Kyuubi when he didn't believe it existed.

"What should I do when I meet it?"

What should he do now that he knew there was a demon inside him?

"Stay calm. Kushina said she saw it in her sleep the most. And heard it's voice often. The demon can't hurt you. Just don't freak out."

He felt nausea creep into his stomach. There was a demon inside him. An actual demon. How crazy was that? The villagers hated him. _Everyone_ hated him. All for something he didn't know about until a couple weeks ago.

"Kushina?"

"She's no one. You'll tell me when it contacts you, right?"

 _No._

"Yeah, of course."

He didn't know why he was defending Kyuubi. He should tell Jiji everything he knew. But Jiji also should have told Naruto this long before now. Why all the secrets? Didn't he deserve to know something like this?

"I've decided to quit. For good. I never really liked being a ninja. Or training for it." He said. It was for the best. This way, Naruto wasn't a problem for anyone. He could adjust his budget into two thousand a month rather than three thousand. That would mean less stuffed animals and plants. But it was worth it in the long run.

Jiji frowned, face going solemn. "I can't let you quit, Naruto."

Naruto cocked his head. That was news to him. He had an entire week to decide if he wanted this, and although it was early, Naruto was one hundred percent sure he did not want to be a ninja. It wasn't because of the people anymore. Kakashi was chill. Sasuke was cool, and Sakura had made significant progress yesterday. Now it was all about what was best for _him._

Naruto didn't like violence. He wanted a dog and a peaceful life where no one hurt him and he hurt no one.

The ninja life was the complete opposite of that.

"Why not?" He asked.

"Because when we get into the technicalities of everything, you are Konoha's weapon. You need to know how to fight. I'd hoped it was a path you'd enjoy."

 _Konoha's weapon?_ This was the first he heard anything about that. He shook his head. No one mentioned anything about being a weapon. So what if he had a demon in him? That wasn't his fault. He didn't even know about it until recently.

Was this weapon thing because of Kyuubi? It was the only reason that would make sense. That was the only aspect about himself that made him different from everybody else.

"Well, you were wrong." He said.

"I can see that."

"And I don't want to be a ninja."

Jiji raked a hand through his hair. Dark bags shadowed his eyes. He was the Hokage. He could force Naruto to stay within the ranks of Ninja if need be.

But would he? Surely Jiji wouldn't be so cruel.

"I've let you decide on many things, Naruto—"

"Like what?"

He didn't choose to be a ninja. Jiji did not grant his wish to be on another team. He was never given a choice to attend the academy. Jiji tried to force Naruto to make up with Sakura, and all of it led to where he was now.

Trading faces with Sasuke. Wanting to tell Sakura it was alright. Having a normal chat with Kakashi. Having no money to pay bills. Making a choice between money or misery.

"How you live your life outside of being a ninja. Do you think that stuffed animal collection is healthy? For someone your age?"

His stuffed animals were not an unhealthy habit. He was twelve for gods sake, and they were soft and fluffy and he needed something to feign company with. There had to be tons of people that collected stuffed animals. Just because Jiji was against it didn't mean it was unhealthy.

Not to mention that stuffed animals were nothing compared to a career.

"That's not relevant to this. This is my career, not yours. You don't get a say in what I choose to do."

"I'm your Hokage. I get a say in everything you do."

No. Not this time. Not anymore. Naruto played along when he entered the academy. He _tried_ to be a good ninja and failed at teamwork. He was miserable the entire time and only recently found a semblance of happiness. Jiji wasn't taking that. No one was taking that.

"No. You don't _get_ to do this." Tears welled in his eyes. Jiji could do this. He would. Did he ever care for Naruto, or had Jiji kept him within reach to have access to Konoha's weapon?

The hell was Konoha's weapon supposed to mean, anyway?

"I need to do what's best for the village." Jiji said. A sob rippled through his throat. Why was the Hokage given so much power? This was Naruto's life! No one except him should be allowed to make these decisions. Jiji has no right yet all the power.

"No one wants me to be a ninja."

And it was true. The villagers were scared of him becoming too strong. Kakashi was happy now that Naruto was gone from his care. It was better as a civilian, both for himself and for everyone else.

"It'll help in the long run. One day, everyone will see this."

But no one would. He was a nobody. A loser. Someone who couldn't even remember when he was wearing someone else's face. Taijutsu was the only technique he had going for him. Everything else he flunked. That wouldn't be nearly enough to survive.

"You can't do this, Jiji."

He tried over and over again, but only when he stopped and quit did he laugh. Sakura apologized, Sasuke was nice, and Kakashi wasn't so bad. All that happened because Naruto was no longer a ninja. He couldn't go back. Not now. Not ever. Yet Jiji could make him. Damn Hokage's and their power. Technically, Naruto was still a ninja. Jiji had full control on what he did and how he did it.

Disobeying an order from the Hokage could result in any number of punishments.

"You're not quitting, Naruto. It's for the village and your own good."

Naruto lowered his head, taking shaky breaths as his lungs refused to fill with oxygen. Water droplets spilled to the ground, and he tasted salt as tears made it into his mouth.

What was he supposed to do? Disobey the Hokage? The man who had given him independence, money, and an apartment?

It wasn't enough. Jiji didn't do nearly enough.

He could have put Naruto on a different team.

"Kyuubi was right. You don't—you don't do nearly enough."

"You've talked to it?"

Alarm rang through Jiji's voice. Naruto raised his head slightly, puffy eyes squinting through a raging headache. Jiji was standing away from his desk, lips frowning and eyes sorrowful. He didn't seem to _want_ to hurt Naruto.

But he did it anyways.

 _Not enough. Not enough. Not enough._

"I hate you." He said, "I hate you, hate you, hate you."

"Naruto—"

He stormed out the room before Jiji could utter another word.

* * *

I recommend Sexy Ass by kazenoyouni, whose story is absolutely hilarious.


	14. Chapter 14

Warning: Short chapter.

* * *

They'd finished a two week mission.

It was grueling, unpredictable, and everything that could have gone wrong, did go wrong. It was a C-rank turned A-rank, and Naruto had completely and utterly failed.

Kakashi was much more willing to teach now that he knew there was no chance of getting back into ANBU. Naruto found that it wasn't _him_ that made the team poor, but everyone. Up until recently, they were falling apart, just as Sasuke and Sakura said. And only when Sakura apologized and treated him better did the team get a semblance of potential.

He and Sasuke worked well together. They had to fight a hunter-nin and one of the seven swordsman. Sasuke nearly died. Naruto couldn't remember part of the battle, and Sakura had shown more guts than Naruto thought possible.

Kakashi got his ass kicked, but killed the hunter-nin and swordsman in the process.

The first thing Sasuke did when he got the Sharingan was explain that Naruto had an abnormal amount of chakra.

That certainly explained why his ninjutsu sucked.

It wasn't as horrible as it used to be, and Naruto found that so long as he didn't think too hard on it, there was nothing to worry about. He could ignore the fact that someone had stabbed his hand and Sakura nearly got killed by a bandit. He could forget the fact that Naruto had bruises that disappeared within seconds and that he didn't want to do this. It was easy to forget Jiji and this fucked up system that destroyed his ambitions before he could even figure out what they were.

He could have been snuggling close to his family of stuffed toys and spoiling his plants with love, but he was too busy off on a mission that got too violent too quick.

And took two weeks.

But all of that was forgettable and not worth thinking about. There was nothing he could do but sit and wait for a chance to make his life different.

There had to be an opportunity somewhere.

 **Just kill everyone.** Kyuubi said. That had been his solution to everything since Jiji's meeting. It was dark and depressing and Naruto found himself thinking about killing people when he had never thought of it before. Kyuubi's insistent words protruded until it was seared into his brain. He didn't _want_ to kill anyone, but the more he heard it, the more he thought it, and now it seemed more a possibility if anyone tried to derail his path again.

It was also a last resort. Only when Naruto was desperate and practically dying was he to ever consider ending someone's life.

"Stop saying that." Naruto said. He could have simply thought it, but that took the emphasis away, and it wasn't as if anyone cared if he spoke to air.

A group of three stood in the pathway. One was a giant, who had paint scrawled over his face and wore nothing but black. Another was woman of blond hair carrying a fan bigger than Naruto himself. The last was a redhead, who was the smallest of the three. Naruto sat on a bench, watching the birds by his feet peck on some leftover crumbs. But when the redhead stalked up to him, fists clenched and eyes narrowed in a glare, Naruto resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Another kid, another problem. Another grudge about a demon for Naruto to deal with. It happened more than he'd like to admit, especially now that Naruto knew why they hated him.

Or maybe he had just started paying attention _because_ he knew why.

"Mother doesn't like you." The redhead said.

Naruto shrugged. Was there any parent in Konoha that _did_ like him?

"Most parents don't." A kid started screaming behind him, and Naruto turned around to see a boy with an insanely long scarf get lifted off the ground by someone much, much bigger. "Now, if you don't mind, that kids about to get his ass handed to him. Move outta the way." He sidestepped to walk around the redhead, ready to stop the fight before it could get worse. There wasn't much he could do, but anything was better than nothing, and Naruto knew all too well how it felt when there was no one willing to help.

But the redhead wasn't having it. He grabbed Naruto's wrist with enough force to bruise and pushed Naruto into him. The boy's teal eyes were blazing as they stared into Naruto's, and the first thing he noticed was that they were the same height.

Naruto had never met anyone as tall as him.

"Mother doesn't like you." He said again.

Naruto scowled. Who did this guy think he was? Parents had always hated him. That wasn't changing now or anytime in the near future. Why did this brat get to throw a tantrum for his mother's problem? He had a demon in him. It wasn't as if he had done anything to anyone. There was no logical reason for this kid, or anyone, to hate him so much.

"I don't care what your mom thinks. Let me go."

The kid was scrawny, pissed off, and shaking. It shouldn't be too hard to break free from his grasp, but when Naruto yanked his hand back, the boy crushed his wrist. No longer was the guy trying to keep him still. Now, he was trying to hurt Naruto.

 _Back off dipshit._

"I'll kill you." The boy said.

And because Naruto didn't know how else to handle this, he punched the kid straight in the nose, using violence against violence. It worked, and Naruto backed up several steps as he rubbed his wrist. A bruise of black and blue discolored the skin, and Naruto watched as the color faded back into its usual tan hue.

Kyuubi did wonders when it came to healing.

"What's your deal? I've never even seen you before." Naruto said. He crossed his arms, keeping both his hands out of the boys reach. The boy scowled and jumped at Naruto, snarling as he dodged out of the way. What was the deal? This was more than anyone within Konoha had ever done before.

" _Mother doesn't like you."_

He took a deep breath, wary as he stepped backward. The kid was stronger than he looked. Naruto's wrist was sadly a good example of that. Blood spilled from the boy's nose, dropping in rivulets on the stone path.

"Yeah, you've made that pretty clear."

Naruto went to move away. The giant and the girl that stood behind him were looking at Naruto with horror written on their faces. Their eyes were bulging out of their sockets and no longer was the kid with the scarf getting his ass beaten. Now there was only fear as they looked on at Naruto.

He looked back to the redhead. There was no way they were afraid of Naruto. Not with the lack of information kids were given about Kyuubi. So it had to have been the boy.

Why? The kid hardly looked threatening, and they seemed strong enough to handle someone significantly younger than them.

"I'll tell my grandfather what you did!" The scarfed boy said, as if it made any difference. Naruto stalked over, almost tripping over the scarf as the boy whirled around him. "Grandpa's the Hokage. I'll tell him about this."

Naruto's eye twitched. Right as he managed to get away from the Hokage, his grandson showed up to cause trouble. The giant and the woman looked even more horrified than they did when Naruto punched the redhead. Naruto didn't blame them. If _he_ had hurt the Hokage's grandson, there would be at least a lecture. Maybe some community service. But for someone else to have hurt him? Naruto didn't know what would happen.

But before anything else could happen, Sasuke jumped down from a tree, hands in pockets, and glared at the giant who dared to attack Jiji's grandson.

"I'm sure we can forget your transgressions against the Hokage's grandson." Sasuke said, "so long as you forget Naruto's transgressions against the Kazekage's son."

Naruto froze. The redhead was the Kazekage's son? No wonder everyone looked so horrified. He punched the kid in the face, pissed him off, and could have started a war.

He took in a sharp breath. That was… a lot. He could have started a war. Same with the giant. Relations with Suna were rocky at best, but not the absolute worst. If they didn't agree to Sasuke's proposal, Naruto would have been the one to destroy a potential alliance.

But the boy and girl nodded, and the Kazekage's son, while still glaring at Naruto, ordered the other two to follow.

It was too weeks later, when team seven found themselves amidst the Chuunin exams, that they were able to rest assured that Naruto did not cause problems between Suna and Konoha.

* * *

As much as I enjoyed these last few chapters, they were never part of the outline. They were necessary, but now that I've got a lot of development and relationships set up, it's time to get back to where this story was originally supposed to go. The next chapters determine the future of this story, so I'll be writing all of them before publishing any of them. As a result, it might be a while for the next update.

I recommend Kyuubi the Btch by GeminiScar, whose story transcends anything I have ever read before. This story is the most emotional fic I have ever read, and although it took me a while to get through, the journey was absolutely worth it.


	15. Chapter 15

It's been over 20 days, but I am back. Check the bottom of page for more notes on the next few updates.

Anyways, I'm really excited for this. We're getting into a new arc and are entering a part of the story that I have been anticipating for forever. I hope you enjoy it.

* * *

"It's a test." Naruto said, panic stricken and frozen by the door. He knew the moment he laid eyes to the room. The desks were aligned in rows, white sheets of paper neatly settled in the middle of cool mahogany, and pencils sat idly between paper and wood. It was a scene Naruto had walked in on more times than he wanted to admit. His brain conveniently forgot when a teacher mentioned a test, and Naruto had come strolling into class to see the scene of nightmares far too often.

Sasuke tugged at his wrist, bringing Naruto's attention back to people rather than academics. People were crowded around him, trying to push through the door but being unable without breaking the hinges. Naruto stepped forward, watching as the line fluidly simmered into nothing while everyone took a seat. Naruto swallowed, stomach tugging as nausea settled. He'd never passed a test before.

He sat at a desk in the front. It had always helped to be near a teacher. Less distractions and far easier to see. The people who talked during class always sat in the back, and Naruto attended school to learn, so he always sat near the front. It raised chances of getting called on, but it also helped him pay attention to the lesson.

He smiled as Hinata sat next to him. Her face was as red as always, fingers twiddling as she settled herself down. The paper was blank when Naruto looked at it, the answers on the backside. Iruka-sensei did the same thing. That way no one knew the questions before anyone else.

"The Chuunin exams tests our skills as a ninja, right Hinata? Not our skills with test taking?"

He had been under the impression that they were in this room to get promoted. Not as a student, but as a shinobi. It seemed he, along with Sasuke and Sakura, had been misinformed. Kakashi said this was a way to make Chuunin, and Naruto agreed to take it because Sasuke looked ecstatic to have this opportunity. But these kinds of tests were not a way to grow skills as a fighter.

 _The hell are they trying to test us on, then?_

If Naruto had been informed of a test, he would have studied. He could have been well prepared for it, and although he'd still fail, there was the slim chance of a higher mark than Kiba.

But the Chuunin exams were not meant to be academics. Tests should not be part of this.

Hinata nodded, wrapping her hands around a pencil. "Yep. My guess is they're trying to figure out how much we remember from the academy. I wonder how many will pass."

Naruto wouldn't. He knew that before he even saw the questions. And as a buff man with scars over his face walked in, Naruto was reminded that this was the Chuunin exams, not a school. Whatever test it was had to have been questions about becoming a ninja. Why else would they do this?

But besides the jutsu's he learned, Naruto remembered nothing from the academy.

"Fuck." He said, raking a hand through his hair.

He was completely and utterly screwed.

"You're smarter than you think." Hinata said, "so just do your best. You'll be fine."

Naruto swallowed, wishing he had been put on her team instead. He would have fared much better. She was nicer than anyone he knew, and although they rarely talked, the time's they did were always remembered.

"Thanks." He said.

Reassurances weren't enough for him to pass.

He was more worried about failing another test than he was failing the exams. So long as his performance didn't affect anyone else, he'd be fine.

The scarred man who walked in slammed his hands on the table, bringing everyone's attention to him.

"Listen up." He said, "The names Morino Ibiki. I'm your proctor for the first phase of this exam. You've got an hour to finish the test. The only rule? Don't get caught cheating. If you get caught five times, you and your team are disqualified from the rest of the exams. Got it?"

Oddly worded rule. He said nothing about the repercussions if they failed. Did that mean there were none? Or was it a trick to make them believe there weren't consequences.

Naruto snorted. There were consequences to everything. Anyone who thought differently was an idiot.

He waited for Ibiki to tell them to start before flipping the paper over and reading through the questions. Math. Jutsu. Hypotheticals. English. History. All were complex. None he knew the answer to. There was no category, not like there was in school, and there were only nine questions.

Stupid tests. Not like any of them were worth his time anyway.

He slammed the pencil onto the desk, and became all too aware of the tapping of pencils around him. Everyone else knew the answers. And how could they not? Tests were probably some of the easier things in the world to them. They sure were to Sakura. She loved tests more than she loved her hair, and Sasuke aced almost everything anyone gave him.

But Naruto? He'd managed to fail spectacularly at everything.

 _Stupid, worthless, piece of shit. Why'd it have to be a test?_

He flipped the page over again, preferring a blank page over questions. Taking a deep breath, he tried to calm himself down. Getting worked up in these exams could be dangerous. People here were trained to kill, and anger made one sloppy, so if Naruto let himself be swayed by anger he was as good as dead.

Still, there was a test he had a take.

A test he would no doubt fail.

A test which was not worth taking.

He picked up the pencil and did the only thing he knew to distract himself: scribbling.

Repercussions be damned. This was far better than stressing about a damn test.

* * *

Naruto didn't have to think too hard when Ibiki revealed that they weren't required to answer the final question. Some people left the exams, and their teammates too, were disqualified. They were given fifteen minutes to decide if they wanted to take it. If they got the answer wrong, they wouldn't be able to take the exam again. If they decided to leave, the whole team had to forfeit but they'd be able to retake the exams another year.

He wouldn't get the question right, and then Jiji would let him quit since he wouldn't be able to advance through the ranks. Sasuke and Sakura would get the correct answer. They'd stay as a ninja and leave Naruto behind.

He'd finally get what he wanted.

But once again, he screwed up. The tenth question was the decision to stay or forfeit, and Naruto had walked straight into a trap. He could have left, gained another year of catching cats rather than fighting. There was no repercussions to leaving except failing the exam this time around and disqualifying the whole team.

But then Sasuke locked eyes with him, and he suddenly remembered that this was Sasuke's dream, and if Naruto had forfeited, Sasuke would have suffered the same way Naruto did when he learned he could not quit.

He couldn't destroy Sasuke's ambitions for his own selfish desires. Jiji would have made Naruto take the exam the next year had he decided to forfeit, anyways.

He could simply fail another phase of the exam, buy himself another year, and Naruto would no longer have a team because Sasuke and Sakura would be ahead of him.

* * *

Signing a waiver claiming the creators of this exam were not responsible for any injuries or death that may occur was not Naruto's ideal situation. He would much rather be sitting at home sipping some hot chocolate and slurping instant ramen. But this was the Forest of Death, where Naruto had to risk his life for a job he did not want.

Jiji really didn't care about him.

He didn't know why it took him so long to realize it. Jiji was never around, never helped him with school. He never listened when Naruto asked for help. All the signs were there, but Naruto had chosen to ignore them in favor of pretending someone cared about him.

It was pathetic.

 _He_ was pathetic.

"We've got a heaven scroll. Did any of you see who got an earth scroll?" Sasuke said. He'd walked off after the waiver was given to him, leaving Naruto and Sakura to stand awkwardly beside each other. Naruto had talked to her about the apology. But since then, the words they exchanged were few and far between.

He didn't know what to say, so instead, he stayed silent.

"Everyone's hiding their scrolls from view. Did you see anything, Naruto?" Sakura said. He shook his head. Not like he'd been paying attention. The exams were a means to an end. Something he could do to help Sasuke do what he wanted. He didn't have any reason to care for the other teams and put himself in harms way.

He much preferred staying out of things anyway. Sasuke and Sakura could handle the scrolls.

"Didn't think so." She said, "I say we get in, steal a scroll, and get out. Any complaints?"

"Sounds good." Sasuke said, "But we first need to know who has the right scroll."

That plan was overly simplified. A fight would break out the moment they made themselves known. If they targeted a group stronger than them they were dead. Better to find the weakest link before fighting anyone.

"We should stay away from the sand kids. 'Specially the redhead. He's stronger and crazier than he looks." Naruto said.

The redhead, whom Naruto learned took the name of Gaara, had been watching him as they mingled with everyone before the exams took place. He'd felt the prickle of eyes on this neck and saw that Gaara was growing more and more angry as Naruto stayed in the same room as him. It set his nerves on fire. No one had looked at Naruto the way Gaara did. Not even the villagers.

Such raw anger was more than what the villagers were capable of.

It reminded Naruto of how he felt about Konoha.

About Jiji.

About everyone.

He didn't like it.

Not to mention, Kyuubi went on a tyrant of screams and curses. Ever since Naruto punched him, his blood boiled when Gaara got close, and it sent him in such a fit of rage that Naruto shot Sasuke and Sakura a glare they would always remember. He made a valiant effort to stay away from Gaara since.

"Yeah, they don't look too friendly." Sakura said. Sasuke nodded alongside her. The scroll was clasped within his hands, shielding the letters of 'heaven' from prying eyes. It was the only way to stay anonymous. The less people who knew their scroll, the less likely they were to get attacked.

Slowly, the gates blocking them from entering the Forest of Death opened, and people started running into the trees.

Naruto hoped it didn't take too long. He really wanted to go home.

* * *

The tongue bothered him.

He supposed that should have been the least of his worries. Here a madman was, as pale as a sheet of paper and voice so unpleasant Naruto wanted to put knives in his ears. And although Orochimaru was attacking them with enough force to send Sasuke into a whirlwind of cowardice, Naruto was much too focused on the twisted and unnaturally long tongue that kept protruding from his mouth.

Truly a disturbing sight.

They hid in the bushes, Naruto watching Orochimaru spin about and mock Sasuke's name, and Sakura whimpering in horror. Her hands cupped her mouth, and every now and again, she reached for Sasuke's hand, but he was too busy staring vacantly at the ground to notice.

Naruto was dizzy with adrenaline, eyes dilated as he gazed through the bush and caught a snippet of cloth. His head was awash with a dangerous fuzz that wiped sense from his brain, and all he knew to do was hide.

They wouldn't stand a chance against this guy. Especially since Sasuke and Sakura were too busy cowering to pay mind behind them. Naruto took a shuddery breath, feeling sweat form on his brow. His hands trembled as he clasped the kunai at his belt, holding it like a lifeline, listening for the footfalls that showed Orochimaru was growing closer.

Crushed twigs and leaves pierced his ears, and Naruto clenched his eyes shut, knowing full well this knife and his fists were all he had. Ninjutsu was his weakest link, and using it now would prove fruitless. He needed something else. A plan. Sakura was good at those. He shook her shoulder to get her attention, but as her head bobbed in his direction, eyes glazed and unfocused, he saw that she wasn't going to do a thing.

Sasuke wasn't any better.

A moan of frustration caught in his throat, and he crushed his hand to his mouth to keep the sound in. Orochimaru was toying with them. There was no way in hell he didn't know where they were. This was an attack to put fear into their minds until they were paralyzed.

"Can you two be any more useless?" He said, keeping his voice as low as possible. "You're supposed to be the strong one's. The hell am I supposed to do?"

He read about killer intent in a book once, but his first experience with it had been with Zabuza on the wave mission. It had been shocking to feel it the first time, and although Orochimaru perfected it in a way that sent Naruto's head spinning, it was similar to the fear he felt when the orphanage caretaker lifted her hand to him.

He supposed killer intent might not be so different from adrenaline. It gave the feeling of fight or flight, but an unexplored part of adrenaline was freezing. And as a mechanism only the orphanage kids learned, fight was the smarter way to go.

Flight didn't often work when there was only one door.

"Come on, you two." Naruto said, grabbing both of them by the collar and giving a slight shake. Sasuke's eyes grew more focused, and he whipped his head to Naruto as he realized what was happening. "We can't stay here." It took longer to get Sakura out of a bind. She had always been smarter than she was strong. It was a gift when it came to planning. Sort of like Shikamaru, he supposed. But in battle, when adrenaline took it's hold and common sense became lost, one needed more than brains to make it out.

Instinct, Naruto found, was far more useful. Knowing what you needed to do without knowing _why_ was a skill all shinobi should learn.

Slowly, much the same way Sasuke did, Sakura started moving. She twisted her head to peer behind the bush, emitting a gasp when she saw Orochimaru, and biting her lip as she looked to the both of them.

"He's toying with us." Sasuke said. "A bush isn't enough to hide properly. Not from a guy like that."

There was nothing much they could do. Naruto had ordered everyone to run the moment Orochimaru stuck out his tongue, and Naruto had took off before giving them a chance to process. Kyuubi had told him to run, and while Naruto knew not to take Kyuubi's words to heart, he felt that when a demon told him to run, he should run. Sasuke and Sakura were slow to follow, and he stopped behind a faraway bush for them to catch up. He heard the crack of a bone, but nothing more before they were crouching low with Naruto.

Then they'd fallen to pieces, and Naruto had become stricken because their unresponsiveness left him alone with a madman.

"Figured that out a while ago. If you two hadn't become useless, we could be out of here by now." Naruto said.

Orochimaru went into another slew of words, taunting Sasuke to come out in such a playful tone Naruto might have fallen for it when he was younger. Naruto swallowed, waiting for the moment this stopped being a game. They had spent long enough sitting around and doing nothing. He'd simmered in fear too long to be healthy.

And Naruto hated being afraid.

"I doubt we can outrun him. And Kyuubi's gone quiet, but he said to run earlier. Sitting here isn't doing any good…"

He didn't understand it at first. No. It took a few seconds to process, and they were the longest seconds of his life. In his peripheral, he saw a figure standing tall and slumped. The whistle of leaves rustled by his ear. His neck prickled from prying eyes, and the wind billowed cloth into a whoosh of music. He'd barely turned his body and whipped out the kunai when he found himself lying on the ground, listening to screams not belonging to him, and with a headache so fierce he thought his brain might explode.

Agonizingly slowly, with nausea crawling through his shaking body, he burrowed his fingers into the soft ground, lifting himself and heaving as a chill settled into his bones. His pulse thudded through his head, blood trickling down his chin.

When he finally got to his knees and looked around, he cocked his head in confusion. The empty clearing caste a feeling of dread through his body, and he shuddered. Something was wrong with the scene. But as he pried through his mind to figure it out, there was nothing. The trees billowed smoothly in the breeze, grass as soft as his stuffed dog, and no one was in sight.

He furrowed his brows. There was something incredibly wrong with that.

* * *

Okay. I've got the next two chapters ready, and I'll be publishing them every three days. So the next update will be on 10/20/18.

Also, I've got a tumblr account under the same name. If you're interested, check it out.


	16. Chapter 16

He spent some time wandering the forest, leaning against the bark of trees for support when dizziness washed over him. His head ached burning needles, and he found himself sitting down to rest more than he wanted to. There was a voice talking in his head. It was jumbled and confusing, and Naruto couldn't quite remember what the name of it was.

"Shut up." He said, pushing two fingers to his temple. His fingers came back wet with red, and he ran a hand through his hair to check for injury. He found that there was a gaping hole near his forehead. _Stupid injuries. Did carelady hit me again?_

No. That wasn't right. Carelady hadn't been in his life since he was in the orphanage.

How long ago was that again?

He stumbled over a log, falling to his knees. And it was as if the tumble whirred his brain into focus. Memories of hiding behind a bush and shaking his teammates ran through his head, and he was standing before he could process the fact that Orochimaru had kidnapped his teammates.

Eyes widening, he shot off the ground and ran through the forest. No way was he leaving them to a madman. They'd already proven themselves useless against Orochimaru. How long before they were dead? Orochimaru had wanted to kill them, taunting Sasuke the most.

The forest sped by him, branches whipping his body as he galloped past weeds and bush. There was too much ground to cover. He wouldn't get through it in time. He might already be too late. Sasuke could be dead. He could be lying helpless as Orochimaru loomed over him and Naruto wasn't there to help.

Sasuke, a warrior, had been scared.

Naruto's chest clenched. It was unnatural to see someone so fierce get reduced into a frenzy eyed state of fear. Sasuke _was_ a warrior. He was graceful and powerful and smart and kind and Naruto had stolen that kindness before he ever had a chance to return it.

He didn't want Sasuke to die. Not now that he'd built something between them.

Not since he realized all the tiny things Sasuke had done for him over the years.

He sped faster than he thought himself capable, putting the training he'd done over the years to use as he listened to the wind for any cackling wood or random tongues. Orochimaru would be loud. That much Naruto knew. All he had to do was find the right sound and he could make it in time to save him.

If he could save them.

If they weren't already dead.

He made a sharp turn to evade a looming branch, but rather than having the momentum to keep going, Naruto rammed into someone. The breath was knocked out of him as he tumbled in a tangle of limbs, moaning as his head was knocked around again. Irritation flicked as he eased himself up, only then realizing that he was laying on top of the person he'd tackled.

Kiba lay below him, face a mix of shock and anger. Naruto scrunched his nose. "Really?" He said. How unfortunate did he have to be to run into Kiba? "Why's it gotta be you?" He scurried to a stand, chancing a look around to see if Sasuke was nearby. Nothing. Only the sound of birds and snakes and bugs. There was nothing around for miles. Where could they have possibly gone?

Where could Orochimaru have taken them?

Anywhere. The forest was a perfect place to stage a kidnapping.

"Goddammit." He said, kicking the dirt. Akamaru walked up to him and sniffed Naruto's foot. He reached down to grab a tuff of fur, wringing his hands through as Akamaru smiled up at him.

"What are you doing?" Kiba said. Dirt marred his face, clothes a scrap of rips and blood.

But what _was_ he doing? Sasuke was out there ready to die, and Naruto was a petting a dog?

Some friend he was.

"Akamaru knows Sasuke's scent, right?" He said. Kiba shuffled onto another foot, moving to stand in front of Hinata as he gauged if Naruto was going to attack them. He supposed, that if they thought he wanted a scroll, it would make sense to shield themselves from him. But Naruto wanted neither a scroll nor an enemy.

But he did want Akamaru.

"We got attacked," Naruto said, "and not by someone who wants the scrolls. We didn't stand a chance. I think Orochimaru might have kidnapped them. Seems to want to kill Sasuke." His chest constricted, fingers curling into Akamaru's fur as he yipped and barked with every pet Naruto made. "I just want to find him. If Akamaru could do that…. You wouldn't mind letting me use him?"

Kiba's shoulders slumped, and Hinata seemed about ready to jump in and let Naruto use Kiba's dog. But she withheld herself. It wasn't her pet. It wasn't Naruto's either. He had no right to ask for this, especially in a place where they were made into enemies. Maybe if Kiba banned Naruto from using Akamaru, Hinata would fight him. That would be sweet of her. But somehow, Naruto doubted Kiba would deny him this. Sasuke was someone everyone agreed deserved to live. He made a mark in the academy, and if Sasuke was in trouble, wouldn't people want to help him?

Shino stood silently next to Hinata, eyes shielded and bugs lingering off the corner of his sleeves. Naruto swallowed. They were ready to maul him if need be. And why wouldn't they? Naruto had tackled Kiba. Sure, it had been an accident. But they might not know that. As far as they knew, he wanted a scroll just as badly as they wanted a scroll.

And Naruto was without a team. They didn't know he'd never touched the scroll handed to them. He was weak, had no backup, and frightened.

But still, Kiba nodded, whistling slightly to bring Akamaru back to his side, and Akamaru listened, running off to pounce on Kiba.

Naruto watched as Kiba spoke to his dog, and gave Kiba the kunai Naruto had grabbed from a tree after Sasuke threw it. It had his fingerprints, and that alone gave enough scent to lead Akamaru. Hinata smiled, handing him a small wave. It was enough to relieve Naruto for only a second, but then Akamaru lifted his head in the air, took a deep whiff, and went running

Naruto followed after him, knowing full well that team eight was joining him on this.

He hoped they wouldn't become as frozen as Sasuke and Sakura had.

Maybe he should tell them who they were about to fight.

* * *

They'd found Sasuke and Sakura quickly after that. Both were trembling, but only Sakura shed tears. Naruto suspected that if Sasuke were any less of a warrior, he would be crying too. But as it was, they were scared forms in the darkened forest with nowhere to run. Orochimaru was chasing them somewhere along the walls of tree, but he seemed far away from their location.

There was no kidnapping. Naruto had awoken to emptiness because they both ran when he got hit.

He tried to ignore the fact that they abandoned him in a forest. Not because it was hard to accept, but because Naruto would have done the same. Right now, he had to focus on getting them all out of there. No longer was it only Sasuke and Sakura Naruto had to deal with. There were three others. Three more people to bring out of this insanity and into safety.

"We can't fight him." Naruto said, speaking more to Kiba than anyone else, "If you'd seen… It was insane. Orochimaru is mad, and he wants Sasuke. I don't know what to do."

He didn't know the workings of team eight. Who was best at making plans? Who was best at fighting? Was there anyone who excelled at escaping? With Sasuke and Sakura, Naruto knew exactly who was capable of what. Sakura, had she not been so afraid, could easily find an escape route, and Sasuke could fight Orochimaru off with fire from a distance.

Naruto could distract Orochimaru.

Sort of like what they did with Kakashi and the bell test.

He shook Sasuke again, the same way he'd been doing for the past several minutes. It always had the same result. Sasuke would step out of the stupor, get confused, and wonder what was happening. For a while, he'd be aware of everything and ready to fight. But somewhere along the line, he'd remember Orochimaru, particularly when Naruto reminded him why they were hiding under the roots of a tree, and like an amnesiac who remembered their worst memory, he fell back into a stupor, voice shaking as he spoke his fears of fighting Orochimaru again.

Naruto grimaced. At this rate, the only way to get out of there was to drag him and Sakura.

"Maybe we could lead them away." Hinata said, "it'll be slow. But if Or-Oro… the guy that attacked you is as bad as you say he is, then we shouldn't stay here."

At least he wasn't the only one thinking that.

"Okay. It's not the best plan. But it'll do." He peered his head over the tree root, looking around for Orochimaru. "It's clear right now. I'll get Sasuke. You figure out which one of you can carry Sakura. Either head to the tower, scroll or no scroll, or hide somewhere safe. I don't think Orochimaru's supposed to be here. Maybe if you mention that he's in the forest, they'll let you through without a scroll."

"Shouldn't we stick together?" Kiba asked.

"I'm talking about when we get separated."

Orochimaru would find them no matter what they did.

He waited for confirmation from them, then wrapped his arm around Sasuke's waist, bringing him to a stand. His hand got coated with something warm and wet. Blood. Naruto furrowed his brows, fingers grasping for a wound he could press onto to stop blood flow. There was no time to check for how badly injured Sasuke was, not when they needed to move before they were dead.

And he started moving, not listening to the heavy footfalls of everyone behind him. Sasuke was deadweight in his arms, and Naruto wondered how much of the wound contributed to Sasuke's current state. Maybe if he hadn't gotten hurt, Sasuke never would have been so afraid. Maybe if Naruto had seen the blood beforehand, he could have stopped the bleeding before Sasuke got into a stupor.

Maybe if Sasuke hadn't worn dark blue clothes, he would have seen the blood sooner.

Naruto shook his head. 'Maybes' were the same as 'what ifs.' Useless, degrading, and giving the potential for a lot of guilt. Yes, there was more Naruto could have done. But he didn't see the injury in time. That was his fault in the same way it wasn't. He should have looked for injuries. He should have seen the way Sasuke's shirt had grown darker. But he didn't, and all those maybes weren't changing that.

What happened happened. Nothing could change what was already done.

"Let me go." Sasuke said, fidgeting, and Naruto had to tighten his grasp to keep Sasuke upright. "I can walk on my own."

"You're bleeding. And right now I'm holding that blood back. We don't know how bad the injury is. Besides, I think it'll be better for both of us if you didn't hit your head if you passed out."

Sasuke grabbed Naruto's hand, the one pressing onto his side, and pushed Naruto off of him. Naruto stumbled back, not expecting it, and watched as Sasuke's shoulders slumped as he kneeled over, breath hitching.

Naruto was at his side in an instant, putting his hands back onto the wound. "See." He said, "you're lucky you didn't hit your head."

Naruto ripped a piece of his sleeve and wrapped it around Sasuke's waist, making sure to tighten it enough that the blood was slowed. Nothing would hold it back, not completely. But this way, no one had to hold Sasuke to keep him alive.

Sasuke's quieted, looking to team eight, where Sakura had long ago started walking on her own. Bruises marred her face, but Naruto didn't think it was anything deadly. Not like Sasuke's wound.

"He's toying with us." Sasuke said, voice low enough that no one else could hear. "and he's after me. No one else."

"I know."

Orochimaru wanted them to be afraid and paranoid. Why else were they given so much time to run? He was probably off on a tree relaxing as they walked stiffly, heads constantly looking over their shoulders. Orochimaru seemed fixated on Sasuke to the point that Naruto and Sakura would die if they got in his way. But what else were they supposed to do? Orochimaru wanted to kill Sasuke. Their teammate. Protecting him to the best of their ability was only the least they could do.

Even if they died for it.

"Just be careful." Naruto said, "we've got help. Doubt it'll do much. But it's something. Maybe I can henge my clones into you. That'll distract him, yeah?"

"Do that. Definitely. How far till we're out of this forest?"

He opened his mouth to answer, but then Kiba was in their faces, smiling mischievously. "What are you talking about?" He said, "all these whispers. Some might say you're conspiring."

And conspiring they were. Not against Kiba, but against Orochimaru. He put his hands in the familiar hand sign of the shadow clone, said the right words, and in popped hundreds of Naruto's. He ordered them all the henge into Sasuke, and like the faithful clones they were, they obeyed and ran off in different directions.

Naruto cocked his head. Maybe he should go grocery shopping henged as Sasuke. He might get a discount.

"That'll distract Orochimaru for a while." Naruto said, "and now that all of us are here and capable of listening." He looked towards Sasuke and Sakura, "what are we doing?"

Silence descended. Half the people here had no idea who Orochimaru was, and the other half were too afraid to do anything but run. Naruto still remembered the frenzied look Sasuke had when he first met Naruto at the bush. He'd pressed his hand against Sakura's mouth to keep her from screaming, and in a delirium Naruto had never seen before, slowly fell into shock.

No way was Naruto letting them fight Orochimaru. Not after they'd both fallen into hysterics.

"Running away isn't going to do any good." Kiba said, crossing his arms. Hinata nodded, looking to Sakura as if to seek approval. "I say we fight this Orochimaru guy before he finds us."

"We can't do that." Sasuke said, clenching his eyes, "he'll kill us in a heartbeat. The only reason we're still alive is because he wants to scare us."

"Then running is only delaying the inevitable." Shino said.

Sakura raised her hand slightly, as if asking permission to speak. Her clothes were rumpled and stained. "Naruto needs to keep sending clones of Sasuke. It's a good distraction. Orochimaru's scent is all over us, so if Akamaru could bark when Orochimaru is getting near us, that would be really helpful. Running _is_ only delaying our deaths, but a delay is better than nothing. We have _time_ right now. Orochimaru is giving us that. Let's fucking use it and get out of this forest."

Naruto looked around to everyone, seeing that they were all in agreement. He pursed his lips. The time given to them would never be enough. Orochimaru wouldn't let them leave. But no one seemed to think that, and before he could say a word about it, Sasuke tugged at his wrist and leaned close.

"Orochimaru's after _me_. No one else. Why are we getting them involved?"

Naruto cocked his head. How was he supposed to know? He'd only wanted to find Sasuke, but team eight decided to tag along long after Sasuke had been found.

"Because they want to?" He said.

Sasuke shook his head. "They're here because they don't know who's after me."

"So what do you want to do?"

"Orochimaru doesn't want to kill me. As long as you guys aren't around when he attacks, everyone here will live."

"What are you saying?"

"Leave a henged clone here. _I'm_ leaving when you send them out again."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** This chapter was impossible to write. There were tons of loopholes I had to deal with, very obvious flaws that I struggled to get rid of, and there was Shino, who doesn't really have a purpose besides being in team 8.

Next update will be 10/23/18.


	17. Chapter 17

"He's not going to kill me." Sasuke said.

They trekked through the forest slowly, mindful of Sasuke's injury. They'd left Sakura and team eight behind minutes ago, and had yet to see any sign of Orochimaru. But Naruto's clones had been destroyed. He continuously had to create new ones, and it wore down on his chakra, however unlimited it seemed to be.

His shoulders were slumped, eyes as heavy at the rocks they walked on. He wanted to lay down and sleep. Preferably on his soft bed and curled up in warm blankets.

But they were in a forest. There were no beds nor were there blankets.

"You don't know that." Naruto said.

The clones he left with the others popped some time ago. Not because they got destroyed, but because Naruto's chakra had been spiking high and low and it affected his clone's ability to stay intact. He didn't bother replacing those ones. Sakura and the others would do fine without them. The problem came when his clones popped before they found Orochimaru.

Sasuke had been adamant about Naruto staying with everyone else. But he wasn't going to leave Sasuke with Orochimaru. Not alone. He knew there was no stopping Sasuke from leaving. Even if Naruto had gone and told everyone, Sasuke still would have left. So Naruto did the next best thing and joined him.

Sasuke was still sulking about it.

"He told me he isn't going to kill me."

Naruto's eye twitched. What was it with people believing the words of strangers? Orochimaru had attacked them mercilessly, and Sasuke somehow believed that it wasn't an attempt to kill. Where was the logic? Sasuke was supposed to be the smart one, so why was he being so stupid?

"Yeah. I get it. Orochimaru _said_ he won't kill you. But he still stabbed you."

Had Naruto been anyone else, he would have missed it. The slight pause in Sasuke's step, the tumble it took to stop abruptly, and the quick way Sasuke straightened his back and composed himself. It happened in less than a second, but Naruto knew him well enough that any movement of discomfort was not lost to his eyes.

"He meant to kill Sakura." Sasuke said.

Naruto looked down, a furrow to his brows. It was possible that Orochimaru hadn't intended to hurt Sasuke. He did seem more adamant about getting Naruto and Sakura out of the way than anything else. But did that make Orochimaru any less dangerous?

Jiji was doing what was best for the village. There was no _intention_ to hurt Naruto. But it hurt all the same.

"Intentions don't matter, Sasuke. He stabbed you. End of story."

This time, Sasuke did stop. He whirled at Naruto, sharingan flickering back and forth. Naruto startled back, eyes widening as he raised his hands to protect himself from an incoming blow. He swallowed, only assuming that he had said and did something wrong. Sasuke's fists were clenched at his sides, mouth a twist of scowls. He was normally cool headed and chill, but this— _this_ was anger Naruto had never expected.

"You're putting yourself in unnecessary danger."

Naruto lowered his hands, blinking owlishly as the words sunk in. There was no anger laced in the tone, only worry, and Naruto had to think long and hard to process that because no one ever worried about him.

He was a nobody. A kid with the most unfortunate luck, someone who couldn't master the simplest of jutsus, and freaked out over a stupid test.

He didn't deserve Sasuke, just as Sasuke didn't deserve to have someone stupid on his team.

"That's— that's my decision." Naruto said.

It was the one choice he was allowed to make. Every other decision he'd tried to make was thwarted by the Hokage.

"But it goes on my conscious."

Was that a consideration Naruto needed to make? Jiji had thwarted everything Naruto wanted to do for his own selfish reasons, and Sasuke wanted Naruto to make a different choice in case something went wrong. But Naruto _wanted_ to do this. Sasuke was important to him, more so than anyone else, and Orochimaru wanted to hurt Sasuke.

Naruto couldn't leave him alone in this situation. He had to do something.

It was his life. His decision. No one should be able to say otherwise.

"My life, my choices. You don't get a say in it."

"It's—"

" _My life_."

Sasuke's head jerked back, eyes crinkling in surprise. Such venom hadn't been targeted at Sasuke in some time. Not since Naruto came to Sasuke's place and bombarded him of his intentions back when they were seven.

"It's my life too. You're here to interfere with my decision to face Orochimaru alone."

Naruto blinked. That made more sense than it should have, and he instinctively looked to his toes, wringing his hands together as Sasuke stared at him.

Again.

What was it with people staring at him?

Maybe it was wrong of him to come. Maybe it wasn't. All Naruto knew was that he couldn't leave Sasuke alone. Not with a potential murderer on the loose. It was true that he didn't give Sasuke a choice, just as Sarutobi didn't give Naruto a choice, but these situations were completely different.

Right?

Sarutobi left Naruto within the ranks of ninja to aid Konoha. Naruto came with Sasuke to protect him.

Maybe the situations weren't so different after all.

"I don't want you to get hurt." Naruto said.

The truth of his statement surprised him. There was no one in the world Naruto cared for. He had been alone. Isolated for years. He hadn't even realized when Sasuke became something akin to a friend, but now that danger loomed so close and Sasuke was about to get killed, Naruto felt as though he found something he never had before.

He felt it before. When Haku almost killed Sasuke. But there was darkness swirling inside him at the time. Kyuubi has done something back then, and it had interfered with his ability to think reasonably. So he ignored the feeling as Kyuubi's influence.

But that wasn't what it was. Kyuubi had nothing to do with this.

Sarutobi was gone from his life, but Naruto had someone else now.

One person was all he ever needed.

"Let's just keep going. I'm sure he'll pop out of nowhere soon enough."

* * *

It seemed that the key to finding Orochimaru was to stop looking. When they stopped for a rest, both wary and with their guards slightly down, Orochimaru flung himself at Sasuke. And Naruto, knowing nothing else but to protect, trampled Sasuke into the ground, scurrying off him as fast as it took Orochimaru to reach them.

They stood faster than what should have been possible, standing side by side a they looked up to the man who wanted them dead.

Wanted Sasuke dead.

"Naruto has fared much better than you, Sasuke." Orochimaru said, "much less cowering. I've no doubt I can help you with that."

Their fingertips touched as they stood together. Sasuke was shaking from his shoulders to his toes, and Naruto felt the wave of killer intent like no other. His knees felt as if they had been turned into noddles, but still he stood. Because there was no one else here to save them.

It was him, Sasuke, and Orochimaru.

No one would save them but themselves.

"Burn his face off." He said. The fire jutsu Sasuke mastered was truly unique. Naruto had never seen anyone breath fire until Sasuke. Nothing would be enough to defeat Orochimaru, who towered over them like the monster in Naruto's head. But anything was better than nothing. Doing something, no matter how small, was key to mastering the tact of survival.

But Orochimaru thought mockery more interesting than a fight, because all he did was stare. And it was although that stare seared fire into Sasuke's brain. His breathing drew harsher, skin turning paper white, and body trembling. It wasn't the Sasuke Naruto had grown to love.

No. This Sasuke was afraid.

"Get yourself together." Naruto said.

But he felt it too. The tendril of darkness spreading through his veins, fear the only component throughout the forest. Naruto had frozen the same way as Sasuke a thousand times before. He was used to it, and that was why he was able to withstand this.

Naruto didn't know how many times Sasuke truly thought he was going to die.

 _Can't have been much given his reaction._

"You are not leaving me alone to fight him." Naruto said, "so get your shit together, and fucking move."

Slowly, as if the gears in Sasuke's head weren't working right, his head turned towards Naruto, mouth agape and eyes wide. "For me to fight…" Sasuke said as he took a shuddering breath. His shoulders tensed as Orochimaru licked his lips with that disgustingly long tongue. "I think that's what he wants."

"Well, unless you see another way out of this, you're going to fight. I will not be left alone here, regardless of what you want, or what he wants, or what anyone wants. You are not leaving me. Whether that means running away or hiding inside your head. I don't care. You _will_ fight him, got it?"

Orochimaru smiled. And it wasn't one of those pleasant smiles Sakura always wore. This one was twisted, malformed, stretching all the way to Orochimaru's ears.

"Naruto's got the right idea, Sasuke. So what to you say? Are you ready to stop being afraid?"

"Fuck you." Naruto said. He gulped down the fear he had to be rid of. Only the skills he'd acquired over the months could help him. _Taijutsu is all I'm good at._ But Sasuke was better. If he would just snap out if it, stop being so afraid, they might stand a better chance.

"And fuck my chakra." He said.

Why was _he_ cursed with so much chakra? Better control in exchange for less chakra would be a blessing. But that was not reality. _Nothing_ he wanted was reality.

Sasuke took a step forward. It was shaky and unbalanced, but more than Naruto had been expecting. Sasuke narrowed his eyes, taking a breath to calm his nerves.

"If I'm afraid of you." Sasuke said, "then I'll never be able to kill Itachi."

Orochimaru released his tongue yet again, and it took everything Naruto had not to shrivel at the sight. But this may have been the wrong course of action, because Orochimaru disappeared seconds later. Naruto whirled around, checking every corner of the forest for him.

And as a crack reverberated through his ears, he knew this was their last day alive. Sasuke's body was thrown into Naruto's, and it sent him whirling into the ground. The air was knocked out of him, chest heaving for breath that would not come.

Orochimaru never even touched him.

Sasuke was on his feet long before Naruto. His hands moved in a familiar hand seal as Orochimaru ran at them.

"Kotan: gougakyuu no jutsu." Sasuke said. Fire spread over Orochimaru's face, melting the skin into a charr of black. In the seconds Sasuke had, he pulled Naruto to his feet, and as suddenly as the air was wiped from him it came back.

"Did it work?" Naruto said.

Sasuke shook his head. "Nothing will work."

And of course Sasuke was right. Orochimaru's charred skin melded together until it was whole again, and he charged at them like the madman he was.

Within seconds, Naruto's face was a swell of black and blue. Sasuke, while not receiving the same critical hits as Naruto, was covered in bruises. Orochimaru took his sweet time finishing them off. And it was when Orochimaru's neck stretched in such an abnormal way that Naruto's stomach plummeted. The yellow teeth of Orochimaru's mouth headed straight for Sasuke, and in an attempt Naruto didn't know would work, he wrapped his arms around Sasuke's neck.

Sasuke wretched at Naruto to pry him off. But Naruto strengthened his grip until a choked gurgle came from Sasuke's mouth. He loosened his arms to allow Sasuke to breath, but did not let go.

Sasuke was his first and only friend. He'd take whatever Orochimaru had in store for Sasuke.

So as that sick tongue neared Sasuke's throat, Naruto clenched his eyes in preparation for the pain.

Fire burst through his hand as Orochimaru's teeth clamped down. Naruto screamed, spots flaring in his vision. His body sunk to the ground, arms limp by his sides and blood trailed down his fingertips. He had seconds to spare before Orochimaru had him by the collar, screaming words Naruto couldn't hear.

Sasuke's sharingan was the last he saw before everything went black.


	18. Chapter 18

"Why am I here?" Naruto said. The water was tainted with rivulets of red as it sloshed by his feet. Naruto narrowed his eyes, teeth clenched as he fought against the chakra trying to seep through his fingertips.

A rage, one not quite belonging to him, had settled in his chest. He suspected it had something to do with the chakra swimming by his feet. And it was more than the frustration of knowing Sasuke was alone in that forest, so he pounded his fists on the bar, recoiling as his hand came back bruised and throbbing. So even in a seal he could feel pain. That was good to know. But it didn't explain what he was doing down there.

He clasped his hands around the bar, watching as Kyuubi closed his eyes and drowned him in darkness. He pulled himself closer than what was considered safe, desperate to reach Kyuubi's ears and have someone listen. Kyuubi couldn't leave him here, not when Sasuke could be mangled in a broken heap or waiting for the last drop of blood to leave his body.

"Let me out, you stupid fox."

Kyuubi quirked an eye in amusement, and Naruto snarled at him. What good was a demon if all it did was sit around and mope? He needed to get back to that damn forest. Sasuke couldn't possibly defeat Orochimaru alone.

Not like they could defeat him together, either.

"Just let me out."

He should have asked Sarutobi how to escape in case Kyuubi ever trapped him within the seal. As it was, there was no way out. Only a dark room with an evil demon and disgusting water.

"Please, Kyuubi. I need to get back."

Sasuke could be dead.

"Please."

His skin began to grow warm, and as he looked down at himself, he saw that red chakra danced around his body. Naruto frowned. That was strange. His fingernails—once trimmed and neat—were now crooked, sharp, and yellow.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

It didn't feel volatile. Not like it should have. There was hatred spread around his body, and it wasn't scary because Naruto recognized it. But this didn't feel like Gaara's anger. No. This was more familiar, similar to his own, but different enough that it felt foreign. It wasn't at all what Naruto expected from a demon's chakra.

"Why are you giving me this?" Naruto said.

"Just accept it." Kyuubi said, "I don't have the patience for stupid questions."

Naruto didn't have any qualms against that. Anger was better than despair. And here, now, with Sasuke most likely on the brink of death, Naruto didn't want to feel any sadness. So he let the chakra swirl around his skin, and it was more soothing and familial than anything he'd felt in a long while.

For now, he could bask in red, boiling anger because it was the safest and most normal emotion he knew.

For now, he could let himself be comforted with the fact that he wasn't the only one who hated the world.

* * *

His limbs felt like lead when he woke up. He heard the footsteps of people running, but didn't care because none of that was his business. People could run for their lives and he'd stay snuggled in the blankets for eternity if it meant he could sleep just a little bit longer. So he dozed off again, never once opening his eyes, and entered the bliss of sleep once more.

He was woken a second time by a sharp sting in his arms. He grabbed the wrist of whoever it was that tried to stab him and saw a man dressed in all blue. _Scrubs. Hospital._ He released the nurse's wrist, setting his head deeper into the pillow as he ignored the jab of a needle entering his vein. The hospital was white, and Sarutobi sat in a chair next to him.

"Finally have the time to visit?" Naruto said.

Sarutobi sighed. "This is no time to argue, Naruto. Kyuubi took over your body, and the council advised me to disqualify you for it. You've woken just in time for the next phase of the exams if you want to take it."

Naruto cocked his head, remembering the time he was shrouded in Kyuubi's chakra. It hadn't felt evil or demonic. Only angry. Rightfully so. Naruto would be pissed if he were thrown into some stupid kid's body, so why wouldn't Kyuubi?

Naruto shuddered, wrapping an arm around his stomach. "Kyuubi can… take over my body? I thought it was sealed."

For a moment in time, Naruto thought Kyuubi was providing comfort. That chakra, so familiar and warm, had blanketed through his thoughts and gave him the illusion of safety. But the truth was that Kyuubi wanted out just as much as Naruto did when he woke up in that sewer. Kyuubi had used him, violated the most basic of trust, and controlled the only part of his life Naruto had control of; his body.

"It is, but all seals are capable of being broken." Sarutobi said.

Naruto whipped his head to the side, meeting Sarutobi's gaze. "The seal's broken?" That shouldn't be possible. Not with him awake and alert. If Kyuubi had broken free completely, would Naruto even be in this hospital?

He didn't know because no one had ever taught him how that seal works.

"No. No. Not broken. Cracked, perhaps. But I'm no seals master. I've summoned someone who can see if there's something wrong with the seal. He should be here by tomorrow."

Naruto nodded, pressing his hand against his stomach. Kyuubi had possessed him, _used him_ the same way everybody else did, and there was nothing Naruto could have done about it. He hadn't even known when it was happening, and somehow found comfort in the anger of a rotten monster. How awful was that? He had gone so far down the path of hell that anger comforted him more than the idea of Sasuke dying scared him.

"I just wanted to know what you wanted to do." Sarutobi said, "Continue with the exams or be disqualified?"

"Do I get a choice this time?"

It was surprising, to say the least, that he was offered an option. But he wasn't getting his hopes up this time. Sarutobi had offered an option when he wanted to quit, only to withdraw that upon discovering that Naruto's wishes didn't correlate with Sarutobi's wishes. This time, Naruto was going to be smart about it. This time, he knew that his life was not truly his own.

"I see no reason why you can't continue with the exams, but I also understand if your… injuries hinder you."

"Then I'm disqualified. When can I go home?"

Sarutobi's shoulders slacked, a frown marring his blemished face. He was disappointed again. Because Naruto chose another year of D-ranks over the chance to win a promotion. Naruto opened his mouth to apologize, but shut it as quickly as the thought came. There was no reason for _him_ to apologize. Sarutobi was the one that threw Naruto into this situation in the first place.

"Did Sasuke get hurt?" Naruto said.

 _Did Orochimaru kill him?_

"No."

Naruto's shoulders sagged. He had been prepared for the worst. To hear that Sasuke was alive was the best thing that could have happened thus far.

"What happened after Kyuubi possessed me?"

"The moment we sensed Kyuubi's chakra, we came to see what had happened. We got Sasuke out of there, but Orochimaru escaped. I expect he'll return later."

"Okay."

Sarutobi raised a brow, lifting his head to look into Naruto's eyes. He became more alert than before, more aware of everything around him. "I would like to talk to you about that mark on your hand."

Naruto looked at his hand, recalling the way Orochimaru had bit between his thumb and index finger. There was a fading bruise—no, not a bruise. It was much too prominent and clear, with a faded grey along the edges, as if it wasn't quite finished. There weren't any teeth marks either. Strange. He could understand having no injuries from the bite. Kyuubi would have long since healed that by now. But this was more of a tattoo than a bite mark.

"I don't know what that is. Sorry. I- I don't know anything about it."

 **Those fools supressed me before I could get rid of all of it.** Kyuubi said.

 _Meaning?_

 **You need to use my chakra so I could erase it completely.**

 _And let you possess me, again? Not happening_

Kyuubi growled, a sound that reverberated through Naruto's head like thunder. He flinched, pressing his hands against his ears in a fruitless attempt to muffle the sound.

 **I don't care if I possess you. That seal doesn't belong near me. I want it off. Just focus your chakra in that hand let me bring my chakra out.**

 _No._

 **Now, Naruto.**

 _Maybe when no one's around. They'll panic if I use your chakra now._

"Are you alright?" Sarutobi said.

Naruto jerked his head towards him. He'd forgotten, in a momentary lapse of judgment, that he wasn't alone in the room.

"Yeah. Um, Kyuubi's just talking to me about the, uh, bite?"

"Not a bite. A seal. One that I don't believe will work well with the seal you already have. But again, I'm no seals master. I want to wait for Jiraiya before taking action."

Naruto nodded. It didn't make any sense. All this talk of seals and Kyuubi. But nothing that was done to him made sense. He just had to accept it and move on. Otherwise, he'd have gone crazy long before now.

"He says I need to use his chakra to get it off." Naruto said. Sarutobi nodded, taking a wrinkly hand in Naruto's palm and analyzing the seal placed there. Sarutobi's hands were cold, and his eyes furrowed as he lifted Naruto's hand closer for a better inspection.

"Don't do anything Kyuubi asks of you. We'll get this taken care of."

Naruto nodded. "Is there anything else?" He yanked his hand out of Sarutobi's hold. "I should probably get more rest. What with my injuries being so, uh, hindering."

Kyuubi had already healed everything. There was nothing that kept him tied to this bed.

Sarutobi sighed. "The council has a proposition for you. I've already told them no. But they don't seem inclined to listen this time around. I think they're plotting to ask you anyways."

Naruto blinked. He had only met with council members in passing. Mostly when Sarutobi had just finished a meeting and he arrived just in the nick of time to watch them leave. They always looked at him as if he were a thing to use, something that Naruto was finally able to understand upon learning he was a weapon. Never before had they bothered to speak to him.

He supposed that he didn't have enough use before. Now, with Orochimaru's seal and Kyuubi awakening from silence, it might just be time they sought use for him.

"From what I know, they don't need to ask. Neither do you. Just tell me what to do and I'm at your beck and call." Naruto said.

Sarutobi cringed. "That's not—" he pressed his fingers to his temple, as if warding a headache. "They think that seal was meant for you, and now they want you to be a spy for Orochimaru. Once word gets out that it was actually meant for Sasuke, they'll ask him."

"Well, I'm glad you told me. But you can leave now."

"I do have time to spare. Not much. But a couple minutes—"

The part of him that longed for more time with Sarutobi wanted to accept the offer. But that part of himself was a child, someone who had yet to grow up from desiring affection. And with Sarutobi's added crimes of stifling his life decisions, Naruto truly wanted nothing more to do with him. He could go rot in that tower and watch as Naruto continued with D-ranks. He didn't care. He shouldn't care.

Sarutobi was nothing to him now. Just a man who wanted to use him like everybody else.

"I don't want you here." Naruto said.

And like a defeated sparrow with an arrow in his back, Sarutobi walked out of the hospital room.

* * *

So, right after I decided to leave FFN, they fixed the problem, and I can't quite bring myself to leave the site entirely.

So, here I am.

Anyways, thanks for reading and please review.


	19. Chapter 19

Jiraiya was bigger than Naruto had expected. His first impression had been one of a thug. Surely someone as big as that had to have been involved in criminal activity. But then he remembered that Sarutobi wouldn't let a thug near him. He'd shaken his head and held out his hand. But Jiraiya had looked at Naruto's hand, only to hold his arms out and wrap him in a hug.

It was... strange, to say the least. He couldn't remember a time when someone hugged him. It wasn't soothing, but it wasn't painful either. It felt awkward, as if spiders were crawling over his skin.

When they got down to business—and Naruto made sure to clarify that business was all this was—Jiraiya had poked and prodded his stomach. At first, Naruto kept his shirt on, only lifting it above the seal so that Jiraiya could inspect for any cracks. But the shirt kept falling down, and Naruto had taken it off shortly after. It made it easier for Jiraiya to work, and Naruto kept his face to the ceiling so that he didn't have to watch himself be examined.

"How's life going, kid?" Jiraiya said. Naruto blinked. Between getting possessed and having himself inspected, he was in no mood for small talk. The terror from knowing he'd been possessed had yet to wane. He hadn't known, not even a little bit, that Kyuubi was capable of such a thing. And worse of all was the fact that Naruto _let it happen_. He'd known Kyuubi was doing _something_. He watched as the red chakra snaked over his body. _He'd known._ But didn't care enough to stop it because it was _comforting_.

"I can now say I've experienced a demonic possession." He said, smiling wryly. Maybe he could get a good laugh from it in the future. After all, how many people could say they were possessed? None. Only him, because Naruto had well and truly lost control. Maybe it wouldn't even be so bad. Jiraiya could fix whatever was wrong, and everything would go back to normal.

"Does that mean its's good? Bad? Decent, at least?"

Good? No. Decent? Maybe. There was always Sasuke. He was a good thing in Naruto's life. And Sakura wasn't half bad anymore. They mostly ignored each other. Kakashi had come by Naruto's apartment the other day with a plate of vegetables, complaining that Naruto's diet consisted of ramen, ramen, and more ramen. Naruto had eaten the vegetables, grateful for some variety in his food, but it had been rather bitter. Still, he shoved it down his throat. People always said vegetables were healthy, and god only knew how much Naruto needed something healthy.

Too bad the healthy food was the most expensive.

"Sure. Life's perfect." He said.

Except for Sarutobi, demonic possessions, and a career he didn't want.

"Sarcasm should be reserved for lighter chats. I'm serious here. How's life?"

Naruto shrugged. It was better than ever before. Not perfect. But _nothing_ was ever perfect. "It's life."

Jiraiya cocked his head and squinted, as if trying to gauge how Naruto had lived his life so far. "You're about as unhelpful as you are small."

Naruto coiled his fingertips. He knew Jiraiya meant that as an insult. But Naruto _was_ smaller than most his age. It was just another thing beyond his control, and getting mad over it seemed petty in comparison to everything else life threw at him.

Besides, this was merely business. Jiraiya took care of the seal, and Naruto, along with the rest of Konoha, could rest assured that he wouldn't be possessed again. There was no reason for small talk, and no reason for any words besides the symptoms—is lack thereof—from the seal.

"Yeah, well, with a head that big I'd expect you to be smart." Naruto said.

"Excuse me?"

"You've been poking me for ten minutes. Have you found anything at all?"

Jiraiya frowned, eyes creasing. He withdrew his hands from Naruto's stomach and took a step back. Was that it? Naruto looked down at his stomach. The seal was prominent against his skin, black tints of ink—or what looked like ink—circled around his belly and spiraled before finally coming to an end around his ribcage.

"Only a brat with a big mouth. I think you might need to watch some pretty girls. Ease some of that stress."

"Pretty girls?"

"Yeah. Lots of pretty women out there. You might find that watching them is as fun as anything else you do. Maybe even better."

Watching… them? The idea was about as odd as Naruto buying a block of wood. The only women Naruto knew, excluding Hinata, had only increased the stress of an already stressful life.

"That's weird." Naruto said.

"Weird? Guess you're just too young to understand."

Jiraiya shrugged, taking one last look at Naruto's stomach before saying, "The cursed seal doesn't appear to have done anything to Kyuubi's seal. And Kyuubi's seal is as strong as ever, maybe with a tiny crack. It can easily be fixed."

Naruto creased his brow. It was reassuring that what happened in the forest might not happen again. He knew better now. Never again would he allow Kyuubi to use him like that. His body was his, and no demon was going to use it without his permission.

Naruto grabbed his shirt, pulling it over his head. Jiraiya stood up from a kneeled position and furrowed his brows, scratching the back of his neck with a grimace that turned into an awkward smile.

"I would like to spend some time with you." He said.

"Why?"

This was a man who had admitted to watching women, and although he didn't know quite what that meant, it didn't feel like a positive connotation. And Jiraiya had been watching him strangely throughout the entire inspection. It was creepy, as though Jiraiya knew something Naruto didn't. So, unless there was something wrong with the seal, which Jiraiya had already denied, then there was no more reason to stay.

"Cause I'm your godfather, and I'd say it's time I get to know you."

"My... godfather?"

"Yup. Been traveling the last several years. Sorry I haven't come by to see ya."

"Oh."

That might attribute to the strange looks. A long-lost godson? Naruto would have looked at himself that way if he had been Jiraiya. But while the idea of family, or a potential family, had gone through his mind time after time, he never truly believed it would happen.

Yet here was his godfather, a man who could have taken care of him these long twelve years. A man who could have been there, listened to him, and guided him. He was standing here, the realistic version of Naruto's fantasy, and Naruto wanted nothing to do with him.

Jiraiya had been traveling. That much told Naruto that it was a choice to leave him stranded in Konoha, not a mission or anything like it.

"I am so done with people like you." He said, pressing his fingers to his head. He looked towards the door, then back to Jiraiya. He had a feeling that leaving wasn't going to be easy. Maybe if he slowly backed up and made a run for it when he reached the door. That might work. The last thing he wanted was a fight right now, especially after the Forest of Death.

He still needed to check on Sasuke

"Really? But we're family so—"

"Family is supposed to be there. You never were."

It was a strange feeling to reject Jiraiya. There wasn't any anger. Or anything at all. He hadn't felt much since the ordeal with Orochimaru. Just a slight panic from not knowing what happened with Sasuke, which was quickly dissipated by learning he was fine. So, it was near impossible to be angry at someone who wronged him just by not existing in Naruto's life. But just because he wasn't angry, didn't mean he cared enough to try for another familial relationship. Sarutobi had betrayed him, and Jiraiya would probably do the same. So, what was the point of even trying?

"I was traveling." Jiraiya said. There was a slight, almost indistinguishable hurt in his voice, but Naruto didn't care. Why should he? Jiraiya _could have_ helped him with Sakura. He could have provided the means for rent and food. He could have had a relationship with Naruto.

But Jiraiya chose to travel instead, leaving Naruto behind, alone, and without a need for anyone to care for him.

"And I was here." He said.

Jiraiya frowned. "That's it then? You don't even want to try?"

"Try what?"

"To get to know each other. Make up for lost time."

That sounded pointless. If Jiraiya wanted that, he would have been there as Naruto grew up. So unless there were extreme circumstances, which there didn't appear to be, Naruto had no reason to give Jiraiya a chance. Jiraiya chose to travel, and that alone prevented any relationship that could have been.

And why should he bother with people who would easily and happily leave him stranded?

"What time could I have lost to a man I never knew existed till now?" Naruto said. Jiraiya flinched, and whatever anger Naruto could have felt towards him was swallowed by a sea of indifference. Naruto didn't _know_ Jiraiya. And Jiraiya didn't care about him. If he did, Naruto wouldn't have been left to rot all these years.

"You're probably just like Sarutobi, anyways." He said, slamming the door behind him as he left.

* * *

"I passed the preliminary." Sasuke said.

They leaned against the railway above the arena, watching as Kiba and Akamaru battled some guy with a sword. Naruto has come here shortly after he left Jiraiya, and after seeing that Sasuke was fine, had sagged his shoulders and shuffled over. Sakura had smiled at him before sliding beside Sasuke. She had a dark bruise on her jaw. Naruto assumed she'd already done her turn in the preliminaries.

"I kind of got offered a mission." Naruto said. "Don't think I wanna do it though."

Sasuke's interest clicked. He whipped his head, eyes widening and mouth agape. But within seconds, his face was stone again. The mask of indifference he always wore. Naruto snorted. Why did Sasuke still act as though his heart was black?

"A mission?" Sasuke said, "what kind?"

 _Figures you'd be interested._

"It's complicated. And dangerous. The Hokage said I can't do it. But apparently the council wants me to."

He'd seen members of the council multiple times. They eyed him as an object, and whenever Naruto walked through the Hokage tower, he made sure to avoid them as much as possible. But now that he knew they'd be approaching him soon, he wanted to be ready. They'd use any means to convince him to go, and then they'd want Naruto to convince Sarutobi to _let him go._

"You should take it." Sasuke said.

"You're only saying that cause you'd go if it was offered."

"Duh. If I were offered a mission, especially one that the council wanted me to go on, I'd take it the second it was offered. Hokage's permission or not."

And the idea of Sasuke accepting, of being offered this—and he would get the same offer as Naruto the moment the council knew the seal was meant for him— struck a chord of terror through him. There were two ways that Sasuke could respond. Excitement, because why wouldn't he jump at a chance to have a high-ranking mission, or anger, because the mission included Orochimaru, and so far, Sasuke hated and feared Orochimaru.

"Hah. I'd rather you not." Naruto said.

For whatever reason, Orochimaru wanted Sasuke, and if the council offered this mission, and if Sasuke accepted, there was a chance—however slim— of him being allowed to go.

Or of Sasuke leaving without permission.

He did say the Hokage's permission didn't matter.

"I probably won't take the mission." Naruto said, "I mean, the Hokage doesn't even want me to."

 _If it's not me, it's Sasuke._

Naruto had been offered first. In this moment, the council wanted him, and he had no doubt that they would get him. He was a weapon, after all. Everyone knew it. But no one acted on it except Sarutobi.

So maybe, if Naruto proposed the idea to Sarutobi as this mission being in Konoha's best interest, he'd let him go.

"You should definitely listen to the Hokage then." Sakura said. Her hair was shorter, more crooked than ever before. "He always knows best. That's why he's in charge."

Naruto scowled. "That's debatable."

 _If it's not me, it's Sasuke._

"You would really accept the mission?" Naruto said, looking to Sasuke for any hint of a lie, "even if you had to be near a guy you hate?"

Sasuke's eyes shimmered something dark, and Naruto swallowed. "I'll do anything to get stronger. A mission by the council would really help with that. So yes, I would."

"Even if it went against Sarutobi's orders?"

"That depends on the mission. How much I'll gain from it. What it entails. That sort of thing."

Naruto had no doubt that this mission would make him stronger, and although Sasuke might refuse because Orochimaru was a nightmare, there was too high a risk of even giving Sasuke the option of leaving.

Orochimaru wanted Sasuke, not Naruto.

And Naruto was a weapon, so this mission should belong to _him,_ and Sasuke should have nothing to do with it.

* * *

Man, it's been forever since I wrote anything. I got so out of the habit of writing that I was actually considering abandoning this story.

Then I saw that someone added _Growing Up_ to a community and I just couldn't abandon it.

So, thank you to whoever put this story in a community. You made my day, and because you got me writing this story again, you also helped me remember how much I love writing this.


	20. Chapter 20

Naruto went to the council first, and they eyed him like they would their food. But still, despite the looks, Naruto went ahead with his goal. They were wary at first. Probably because they hadn't expected him to come to them, let alone with words of acceptance for their mission. But as Naruto risked speaking of his status as a weapon, they became more and more fond of every word he said. And that's when Naruto finally understood what Sarutobi meant by calling him a weapon.

He'd never understood it, but never dared asked. A weapon signified someone to be used for battle, but no one had ever used him that way before. It was a risk to talk about his status with the counsel when he barely understood what it meant. That's why, when he brought it up with them, using every confidence that he did not have, he discovered for the first time, that they did, in fact, see him as a weapon for battle, war, and blood.

He only had two terms: to keep this mission hidden from Konoha, even if Sarutobi did not let Naruto go, and that Sasuke was to never find out about it.

He'd used his words wisely after that, saying that Sarutobi would let him go because he was a weapon to be used, and Naruto was going to put every ounce of guilt he could to make Sarutobi agree.

And that was what brought him here, to the Hokage's office, where they sat together on the couch as they did when he was younger. But rather than talking about life and stuffed toys and plants, they talked about a mission that Sarutobi was determined to keep Naruto off of.

"I already talked to the council." Naruto said, "and they're your advisers. If they feel I should go on this mission, you should let me."

He gave his best smile, the one that he created for the express purpose of lying through his teeth, and Sarutobi raked a hand through his hair, shoulders bunching in frustration. The tiniest twinge of guilt simmered through his chest, and Naruto pressed a hand to his heart, willing the feeling to go away. He had no reason to feel guilty. Not after Sarutobi denied him the basic right of choice.

"Why do you want to go?" Sarutobi asked.

To save Sasuke. To get out of Konoha. To have another chance.

 _What chance do I have with a man who tried to kill me?_

But what chance did he have in a village that wanted nothing to do with him?

"Because I don't want Sasuke to go. Orochimaru's awful, and Sasuke doesn't deserve a guy like that."

Sarutobi furrowed his brows. He was the one person standing in his way, and Naruto wished he didn't have to ask for permission. But ninja couldn't do anything without the permission of the Hokage. Naruto especially, being a weapon, had no choice but to follow orders and obey.

And maybe that was why he was willing to take this mission so easily. Sure, Sasuke was the main factor in this decision, but Naruto wasn't stupid enough to risk his life for a person who might not want anything to do with this mission.

Sasuke didn't know Orochimaru was involved. If he did, he probably wouldn't even consider accepting.

But if Naruto was away from Konoha, and Sarutobi wasn't anywhere near him, would he have more agency on his life? Orochimaru would no doubt want to control him—or kill him—and Naruto might be left in a worse situation than he lived with in Konoha.

A choice, so complex in its simplicity, was what met him now. Leave or stay? Have a chance of agency or forever be trapped as a weapon of Konoha? Staying meant no chance of change, and leaving could be a death sentence.

 _If it's not me, it's Sasuke._

And it was far easier to decide when it was phrased as a way to save someone he loved.

"I shouldn't have told you they'd ask Sasuke. You know I'd never let him take that mission, right? Neither of you are going near Orochimaru." Sarutobi said.

Naruto bit his lip, wrapping his hands around the hem of his shirt. Sarutobi had dictated everything he'd done so far. His career. His apartment. His life. This would be no different. Unless Naruto had a solid argument—and him being a weapon wasn't solid enough because this mission could get him killed—then he wasn't going anywhere. Sasuke would take the mission, and Naruto would forever be trapped within the walls of Konoha.

His next words were spoken quietly, head tilted down at his lap, and mumbled so incomprehensible that Sarutobi couldn't have possibly understood it. "Sasuke says your permission doesn't matter."

Surprise lit Sarutobi's face. His head jerked back, eyes widening for a fraction of a second, and mouth gaping open.

"You told him about this?"

"I told him there's a mission. He wants me to take it cause it's a good opportunity. Said he'd be happy for a mission by the council."

In what world would Sarutobi allow Naruto the agency to dictate his life? This mission, while a higher request than he'd ever asked for, was just one example of how Sarutobi screwed him over time and time again. This chance, however awful it may be, was a chance for change. Orochimaru was a monster. That was true. But Sarutobi wasn't that much better. Both wanted control over someone. Orochimaru wanted Sasuke, and Sarutobi _had_ Naruto.

 _I have everything now. A friend. A roof over my head. A job._

Not everyone had those things.

He was lucky.

But it wasn't enough because the one thing he wanted was what he didn't have.

Freedom.

"That boy…" Sarutobi said as he shook his head, mouth forming into a frown."Sometimes I question my decision about Itachi."

Naruto's throat clogged up, eyes wet with tears. His one chance at freedom was with a monster, and even then, that freedom wasn't certain. It was only a _chance_ , after all, and chances carried risk. Sarutobi would deny him this, as he'd denied everything before, and as he'd deny everything in the future. There was no point carrying hope, not when everything he wanted was detrimental to Konoha. Not when his mind wasn't allowed to be _his._

"You're never going to listen to me, are you?"

He told the council he'd convince Sarutobi. He'd been so _sure_ he could do it, that after Sarutobi allowed him to be disqualified from the exams, he'd have a semblance of choice in his life.

How he'd been wrong. Sarutobi would never let him own his life.

"You can't go, Naruto."

He took a shaky breath, hands trembling as his fingers gripped his shirt. _Once last try._ Now wasn't the time to walk away with failure on his shoulders. _Sasuke_ was in danger here, and Naruto had to do everything he could to ensure he never knew this mission would be offered to him.

"Come on, Sar— _Jiji_." _Play nice. "_ Give me this _one thing._ There can be ANBU surrounding me if things go wrong. They can take me back here in case I need to. Just let me do this. _Please._ Sasuke can't know this mission exists."

Sarutobi shook his head and closed his eyes. Naruto heard his next words before they escaped his lips, and it felt as if a fire had burned every inch of his skin. They'd had this conversation before—over and over and over—and although circumstances were different, the result would be the same. _You're a weapon. You don't get a choice. You're a ninja. You follow my orders._ It was always the same message sent for everything he wanted.

"I already told you—" Sarutobi said, but Naruto shot up into a stand, eyes burning fire at the man he once called uncle. There was no love Sarutobi had for Naruto. None. And there never would be.

 _You're a weapon. You don't_ get _a choice._

"I need to get out of here." He said, "I can't stand to be in Konoha any longer. You suck, the village sucks. Everything sucks. At least with Orochimaru I won't be dealing with an entire village that thinks of me as fodder."

The truth of his words hit him like a hammer against stone. It was meant to be a lie on his tongue. Things had gotten better, hadn't they? There was Sasuke now, and Kakashi had given him free food. But the moment he started talking, he realized that while things had gotten better, there was so much more that could make his life perfect.

Acceptance. Freedom. Kindness.

With Orochimaru, he'd only be dealing with _one person_ who thought of him as fodder, and one person was far better than an entire village.

" _Please."_ He said, "this village is killing me."

Guilt etched its way onto Sarutobi's face. He brushed his hands through his hair, eyes closed tight, and carried a frown that held the worlds problems.

Naruto's problems.

"Who's to say Orochimaru won't kill you?" Sarutobi said.

Naruto's eyes lit up. That wasn't a no. It was an inquiry, a way to ask for a certainty that Naruto wouldn't die trying. And he had the answer ready before he'd walked into the office.

He wasn't _that_ stupid. He knew his chances of getting Orochimaru to consider him were next to none, but dammit if he didn't try.

"ANBU can be nearby when I get there. I'll scream loud enough for them to hear if Orochimaru attacks me."

Sarutobi shook his head again, heaving a deep sigh. He looked at Naruto with squinted eyes, a forlorn expression plain on his face, and it hit Naruto that Sarutobi was _old._ He'd always known that, but here, where he looked to be on the brink of death from pressure, he realized that Sarutobi might not have many years ahead of him.

 _Don't think about that._

"I want you to be happy, Naruto, but this mission is too much."

Was it? It sure didn't seem so. Not if it got Sasuke out of a potentially bad situation, and not if it gave him a chance at freedom. He'd have severely less contact with anything to do with Konoha while at Orochimaru's, and until he experienced first hand what life outside Konoha was like, he had no way of knowing if it was worth it.

"I _really_ want this, Jiji."

"It's not safe."

When was anything safe?

"I have never been safe, and I never will be safe. Besides, I'm a _weapon._ You're _supposed_ to use me like this."

 _Please, please, please say yes._

"I suppose.." Sarutobi said, "if you're absolutely positive, and if I'm nearby to help if need be. I fear ANBU won't be enough."

Naruto beamed. "Of course, and thank you! Just make sure Sasuke never knows, okay? I trust you'll ensure that?"

He didn't want anyone to know.

Not when Sasuke wasn't the only reason for his leave.

Sarutobi smiled grimly. "Of course."

Naruto nodded. "So, uh, when do I leave?"

* * *

So, there we have it. What do you guys think?


	21. Chapter 21

**Author's Note:** So, after getting out of writers burnout, traveling for a week, and getting on a better sleep schedule, I am happy to say, chapter 21 is ready. It's a little late, and its really short, but I think you guys will like it.

* * *

"Why do you keep watching me?" Sasuke said. He'd been training alone for the last hour, and Naruto had sat behind a bush in an attempt to mentally prepare for a goodbye he didn't want. But rather than acting on his desire for the last moment with the only person he cared for, he'd ended up cowering and merely watched from afar as Sasuke practiced the art of being a ninja.

He tried to have this conversation multiple times throughout the week, but each and every time, he ended up running away.

"I like watching you train." Naruto said, "besides, we need to talk."

 _I need to say goodbye._

His chest had been aching all week just from the idea of saying goodbye. It was the worst part about this, and for a long while, he contemplated not leaving at all. But then he remembered how Sasuke would do _anything_ to get stronger, and although he didn't know where it came from, he had an awful feeling about Sasuke learning Orochimaru was involved with this mission.

That awful feeling, the dread in his stomach, was the reason he hadn't run to Sarutobi to explain how he was having doubts about this mission.

"About what?" Sasuke said. His eyes flickered red for a second, but then went back to their normal black hue. His hair, while normally gelled and combed properly, was frizzy. Clips held his bangs behind his ears, and sweat dripped from his brow. The training he'd been practicing was a brutal blend of taijutsu, genjutsu, and ninjutsu, and watching Sasuke train made Naruto realize how weak he really was.

Naruto never trained. It didn't bring him any joy.

But he loved how Sasuke's body moved gracefully with every taijutsu move he made.

"You're getting really good at this." Naruto said. "Training, I mean. Once we get past all these stupid d-ranks, I'm sure you'll be a great shinobi."

How did one go about saying goodbye without saying the word goodbye? He couldn't, no matter how much Sasuke deserved to know, tell him he'd accepted the mission. Not unless he wanted Sasuke to talk him out of it, and not if it meant losing his chance to leave this godforsaken village.

He still didn't know why leaving with Orochimaru gave him a sense of freedom.

Sasuke shrugged, taking a seat on the ground and patting the spot next to him as an invitation for Naruto to sit. And he obliged because this might be the last moment he had with Sasuke, so he wanted to make the most of it.

"You're pretty good, too. But practice would make you better."

Naruto smiled. Maybe he'd practice while at Orochimaru's. Or maybe he'd run from Orochimaru and start a new life somewhere else. That didn't sound so bad. Maybe he could find a small village that would take care of him. He could make friends, see new things, learn anything he wanted to, and explore the world.

It sounded like a fantasy, and for some, that was what it was. There would always be the grumbling in his mind to feed ideas of hate and death, and no matter how far he ran, Konoha would always be on the back of his mind, just as he would always be on the back of Konoha's mind.

He couldn't know for sure, but something told him that Konoha would never allow him to roam free like that.

"Yeah. I'm sure I can become pretty strong if I wanted too. But I'd much rather be running a greenhouse or winning a prize for having the most stuffed animals."

Sasuke shrugged. "So run a greenhouse. No one's making you be a ninja."

Naruto grimaced. If only it were that simple. Sasuke had no idea of any of the problems Naruto faced, though he might have gotten a better understanding after they'd henged as each other. But they didn't talk about that. Naruto didn't know what Sasuke had learned, and Sasuke didn't know what Naruto had learned.

"Speaking of quitting." Sasuke said, "you said you were going to, but never did."

He brought his knees up to his chest. How long ago had that been? Too long for his liking. He'd managed to adjust to this life, but it wasn't the life he wanted to live. And he could never run a greenhouse or win any contest because of where he stood within the village.

Maybe in another village. A smaller one. A place where he could run from both Orochimaru and Konoha.

All he had to to was get past Konoha's walls and the world was at his feet.

"The Hokage wouldn't let me." Naruto said. "It's complicated. I don't—don't want to get into it." Sasuke placed his hand over Naruto's, not interlocking their fingers, and not moving to make it so they were holding hands. He merely put his hand above Naruto's, and it caught him so off guard Naruto jumped.

He looked down at his hand—Sasuke's hand— and was shocked by how comforting it felt. Naruto had held Sarutobi's hand when he was younger, but that was different. Back then, Sarutobi was more like a grandpa than anything else. Someone he could rely on when things got tough. Holding his hands felt like the world was no longer his to shoulder, but Sasuke's—

It was cold, yet held all the support Naruto needed.

"Your hand is freezing." Naruto said.

And he knew then, without a doubt, that Sasuke would always be on his side no matter what happened.

"My hands are always cold."

They would meet again. Naruto would make sure of that. But until then, Naruto only had a couple days left within Konoha, and he needed to make the most of it.

"Promise me you won't do anything stupid." Naruto said, "no matter what happens? You'll stay right here in Konoha? Or somewhere safe?"

Sasuke furrowed his brows, recognizing that something was off. Naruto never changed subjects so quickly, and not once had he made a request like that.

It was strange.

"Sure."

Naruto's shoulders sagged. That was all he needed to hear, and as he prepared himself to leave the clearing, his breath caught in his throat.

This was his last week, his last everything, within Konoha.

In only a couple days, he would be gone.

"Okay so, I'll-I'll see you around."

He wouldn't see Sasuke for a long time.

But maybe he could find a small village to reside in, somewhere to comfort him in the fact that he'd be back in Sasuke's life one day."

"Yeah. See you around."

But for now, he had things to pack.


	22. Chapter 22

Never before had he been so scared.

Even when Orochimaru released all the killer intent the world could gather, Naruto had a semblance of bravery. He'd stood taller than both Sasuke and Sakura that day. And although it had been terrifying, Naruto still stood up to Orochimaru at the exams. Now though, with a door standing in his way, Naruto's body trembled. Here he was, standing before the place where his life would change forever, and he could barely take another step.

Once his knuckles rapped against that door, there was no going back. Naruto would either die, or be recruited.

He didn't know which alternative was worse.

Now more than ever, he yearned for the comfort Sarutobi provided. But he had been forced to withdraw miles back in fear that Orochimaru would recognize his chakra.

"Just a few more steps." He said, recalling the way Sarutobi had wrapped him in a hug shortly before they departed. It had been comforting, more than any hug he'd ever received, and the warmth it provided remained until he reached the hideout.

He made sure to say goodbye because he didn't know if he was coming back.

He raised his hand to knock, but hesitated at the last moment. Someone would answer, and they could kill him in a heartbeat. If he didn't have a good reason for coming—one that was both plausible and realistic—he would never see Sasuke again.

What would Orochimaru do when Naruto knocked? Kill him? Let him walk? Take him captive? God only knew what he wanted with Sasuke. But even in the exams, he ensured Sasuke didn't get hurt too badly.

But Orochimaru hadn't hesitated to throttle _him._

The door opened without his prompting, and the scream of its hinges rattled his ears. A man with silver hair and large glasses stood by the door. Naruto squinted. He looked eerily similar to the man who had helped them in the exams, but that couldn't be right. Kabuto wouldn't be here of all places. Not unless he was with Orochimaru and—

Spied on them.

 _Fucking hell._

"Is there something you need?" Kabuto said. His glasses shimmered in the sun, and behind the broken door Naruto heard something scratching.

He shifted in place, swallowing the bile rising to his throat. This was the moment that determined his fate. If Naruto's next words weren't logical and within reason, he was dead. Kabuto would kill him in a heartbeat. And if they were, then he was joining a man who _wanted_ Naruto dead.

What had he been thinking?

"I'm a Jinchuuriki." He said, as if it explained anything about his presence. He neglected to inform Kabuto on why his status was important, but before he could say another word, Kabuto held his hand out and grabbed his palm, twisting his arm until the faded ink of the cursed seal was in Kabuto's sight.

"So he marked you." Kabuto said, "strange, I thought he was going for Sasuke." He flipped over Naruto's hand, brushing his fingers over the seal. "Why is it only half formed?"

Naruto scowled, pushing his arm back and holding it against his chest. The last thing he wanted was a strange man touching him.

"Kyuubi tried to get rid of it." He said, stepping back and turning his body. Maybe if he left now, there would be no consequences. Sarutobi would certainly let him bail in this mission. The counsel wouldn't be happy about it. But they were there to advise, not to decide.

And yet, despite his yearning to run back into Sarutobi's arms, Naruto stayed in place. Sasuke was who he was fighting for here. Sasuke, and a chance at a different life. This could prove a better living situation than he had in Konoha. Surely Orochimaru, a man who was seemingly insane, would allow Naruto to make his own decisions.

Right?

"Maybe I should just go." He muttered. No one would notice that he'd risked his life. No one would know that he'd left. The shame of bailing on a mission he vowed to do would only be with him when around the ANBU, Hokage, and council.

He could live with that. It wasn't as if shame wasn't a part of his daily ritual.

"No, if he marked you, then you must be important. Come inside."

"Oh." He said. And perhaps it was too late to turn back. Now, all there was to do was move forward.

The moment he stepped inside the building was the moment he realized this was a mistake. Mold covered the floorboards, and with each step he took the smell grew stronger. He pressed his shirt over his nose, but all it did was muddle his senses. The air was humid in the same way a greenhouse was, so in some strange, alien way, it was kind of like Ino's shop.

"I assumed it would be Sasuke who turned up." Kabuto said. He was a couple steps ahead of Naruto, and he scrambled to catch up. Being left alone here seemed like a bad idea. There was a scratching sound coming from beside him, and he wasn't inclined to discover what it was, so he kept his head forward, wishing beyond hope that someway, somehow, he could survive this. "You know you were followed by ANBU, right? Don't answer that. You wouldn't have come if you'd known."

Naruto scratched the back of his neck. He'd known they were there all along. It was the plan, after all. Backup was a necessity, especially with how dangerous this could get. Kabuto had been expecting Sasuke, and Sasuke was supposed to be here. If he found out Naruto was lying and Orochimaru hadn't _meant_ to mark him, what would happen to him?

"ANBU. Really? I-I didn't realize…"

Sweat dropped onto his brows as he clasped his hands together. They were shaking, and he didn't want Kabuto to notice. The tightness in his chest squeezed his lungs until it was hard to breath. Kabuto walked a faster pace than Naruto was ready for. Not that it mattered. The air has been sucked of any oxygen, and he found that the world began to blur.

It was a mistake.

Just another, stupid mistake.

 _I'll add it to the list._

He truly was, without a doubt, an utter screw up. Mizuki hadn't been wrong to hate him so much. Neither did the village.

 _No one_ was wrong when it came to hating him.

"You're scared, aren't you?" Kabuto said.

Was it that obvious?

"Maybe a little. I don't know what to expect here. Or why I even came."

"Hmm. I'm sure Orochimaru could relinquish your doubts. Now, as for the tunnel…"

"The tunnel?"

"You didn't expect Orochimaru to be here, did you? If a child could find this place, it's not suited to be a proper hideout."

"Then, we're leaving?"

"Sort of. I have to explode the tunnels. Let's see if you're strong enough to make it out."

* * *

It took a month to reach the real hideout. Kabuto, while starting as a stranger and potential enemy, was kinder than most people in Konoha. He treated any and all scratches and bruises Naruto made along the way, and ensured he had plenty to eat and drink.

And the best part of it was that he didn't have to pay for anything. He'd asked, of course. Naruto wasn't one to leave a debt unfulfilled, and someday he'd repay Sasuke for the money he'd loaned him. But Kabuto insisted Naruto take it for free.

It was strange, but also nice. In many ways, he felt as if he were somehow wrong to eat that food without some form of payment. But at the same time, he wanted to keep it all to himself.

 _It's greed._ He thought. _I'm greedy._

He'd never thought of himself like that before. But now, with all the taking and no giving, it made sense.

Perhaps he should work on that. But for now, he'd enjoy what was given to him. It wouldn't last long, anyways. Orochimaru would be in control of him soon enough.

"I think you'll like him." Kabuto said as they walked down a corridor. It smelled of medicine and sickness. It was better than the previous hideout, but not as pleasant as he would have preferred. "You got a pretty bad impression at the exams. I think once you get to know him, you'll find that Orochimaru's not so bad."

"Maybe." Naruto said, lifting his head to the ceiling. There were cracks in the walls, shallow enough that it wasn't dangerous, but it still made him wary. "I just hope he doesn't try to kill me again. I'm not prepared for it."

Kabuto snorted. "Who is?" He said, pushing his glasses up his nose again. He did that so often Naruto barely noticed it anymore. "But he won't hurt someone he marked. You've got nothing to worry about."

But that was exactly why Naruto worried. That mark Kyuubi hated so much wasn't _meant_ for him. And Kabuto hadn't been wrong to expect Sasuke. There was no way Orochimaru would be pleased to see him. Not like he would have been had Naruto been Sasuke.

"Right." He said, ignoring the way his stomach dropped as they entered a bedroom. Orochimaru was reading a book, taking notes along the way. A desk of dark mahogany sat in a corner, and the bed was bigger than Naruto's laundry room in Konoha.

Orochimaru turned his head, eyes widening as he spotted Naruto. He leaned back in the chair and folded his arms over his chest. Naruto bit his lip, fidgeting his hands. So far no one had killed him. That was good, right? It meant that this might not lead to certain death.

Right?

God, he hoped so.

"Well, this is a surprise." Orochimaru said, "what brings you by?"

Naruto's mouth went dry, and he opened his mouth to talk. But Kabuto beat him to it.

"You marked him, didn't you? I assumed he was the one you wanted me to wait for."

Orochimaru shook his head. "Naruto took the seal in Sasuke's place and screwed everything up."

Nausea rose to his stomach. This was what he'd been afraid of. Orochimaru didn't want _him._ Who in their right mind would? And Kabuto would hate him for lying all this time. Maybe he'd even revoke Naruto's privilege to food. God knew he didn't deserve it, but that hadn't stopped him from gulping everything down.

"I'm sorry." He said, more out of habit than anything else. He'd saved Sasuke's life, and for that he couldn't regret taking the deal. But doing so had ruined someone else's life.

Orochimaru blinked. "You're…sorry?"

"Yeah. I screwed up your plans. I mean, it saved Sasuke. So I can't be regretful about it. But I'm sorry."

"Right." Orochimaru said, "That's the most insincere apology I've ever heard."

Naruto cringed, looking down to his feet and clenching his eyes shut. "Sorry."

Orochimaru sighed, and Kabuto placed a hand on Naruto's shoulder. "I suppose I could find some use for you. Having a jinchuuriki does give me an advantage, and neither of us are wanted in Konoha."

Naruto snapped his head up, eyes wide. So Orochimaru wouldn't kill him? That was the nicest thing he could have expected. There was no anger in his voice, no threats and no demands.

He took a deep breath. Maybe he found exactly what he was looking for here.

Maybe he could finally be free.

* * *

As the months went by, Naruto found solace in helping the medical servants treat the wounded. It was a horrible operation Orochimaru held, but there wasn't much he could do to stop it. Sometimes, and only rarely, did Naruto convince Orochimaru not to experiment on someone. It delayed the inevitable, but resulted in one person suffering a little bit less.

He dragged a blanket everywhere. It not only kept him warm, but offered almost as much comfort as his stuffed toys. It was a shame he couldn't bring them with him, and he hoped that they were safe in the storage unit he'd put them in. No one questioned the blanket, and some even followed his example. More often than not, there were at least a dozen servants who walked around with a blanket over their shoulders, and Naruto was proud to have started that trend.

He learned that Orochimaru valued his presence because now he was someone that Konoha _didn't_ have. There was no training involved with his living situations. Orochimaru made it clear that he didn't want Naruto to grow powerful, and he didn't mind. Power hadn't been his goal in the first place. He just wanted somewhere else to live.

Sometimes he wondered what Sasuke was up to. He might be happy that Naruto was gone. He might be upset. Naruto had no way of knowing. And that was what kept him up at night. What if Sasuke celebrated Naruto's disappearance? What if, by the time he returned to Konoha, Sasuke had forgotten him?

It was a nightmare to live with, but it was one he'd chosen. And that was what mattered. It was his decision to come here. Anything that went wrong with Sasuke was his own fault. He was accountable now. Not Sarutobi.

He'd chosen this.

And to this day, he still didn't know if it was the right decision.

"Naruto, darling," Delia said. She was a medical servant—the best one around— and she'd quickly become his favorite person. Delia often stayed awake most nights to ease the pain of the injured. There were hardly any pain killers, but she liked to stay by peoples side and comfort them until they took their last breath. "Be a dear and grab me some cold water. This one's got a nasty infection."

Naruto smiled. "Sure thing." He said, walking towards the kitchen. She wasn't the only one to stay awake for the sick. There were others he hadn't met yet who did the same as Delia. But they often made him to go bed because he was still growing. It didn't seem fair, but he wasn't one to stay where he wasn't wanted.

By the time he got the water to Delia, the sick man had become two shades paler. That was normal enough here, but it still struck him how easily people died.

Delia took the water with a quip thanks. She dipped a towel in water and dabbed it against the man's leg. The man moaned and shifted as Delia spoke words of comfort.

It was a strange sight, one that never grew normal because no one had ever comforted _him_ when he was sick.

"Will he be alright?" Naruto said.

Delia heaved a deep breath, eyeing the man to ensure he was asleep. "Probably not." She said, "the antibiotics expired years ago."

"Oh yeah. Jill said something about that."

She nodded, pursing her lips as she stood. "It's bedtime." She said, grabbing his hand and leading him away. Every night, without fail, she would do that. It wasn't as if he didn't know where his own room was, but she insisted on coming along and he couldn't figure out why.

He didn't mind it too much. The hand-holding brought him comfort where there seemed only a nightmare.

 _Still,_ he thought. _I wish Sasuke were here._


	23. Chapter 23

**Author's Note:** I have rewritten the last chapter, and it is drastically different than before. I highly recommend you go back and read it.

Anyways, it's been over a month. Sorry about that. I got a beta reader, Labrabell, and she is wonderful. If she hadn't told me to rewrite the last chapter, I probably wouldn't have written this one. So thank you, Labrabell. You're amazing.

Now, onto the story!

* * *

Naruto pulled a kunai from a tree. It looked oddly familiar. There were about a dozen spread across the clearing, all centered straight in the middle of each tree trunk, and not one missed its target. The symbol of the Leaf adorned its hilt, and Naruto flipped the kunai over, tracking the symbol with only the faintest of touches before tossing it to the ground.

He didn't miss Konoha. Even if Sasuke was still there, and last he heard, Sasuke had been out scouting for Naruto.

That was three years ago, and Orochimaru had cut any and all contact Naruto had with Konoha, so he hadn't a clue where Sasuke was now.

Even the people Naruto was meant to be reporting to had disappeared. He wasn't sure if it was because the council had given up on him, or if it was because Orochimaru killed them.

Orochimaru, for the most part, left him alone. Kabuto was in charge of him, and although Naruto often got sent out to get rid of anyone within a mile from the hideout, he found that he could walk trails and act as if he were a traveler wandering the world.

Hardly anyone got mad at him, and that was one thing he loved about this place.

"I know you're still here." He said.

A servant had complained of a commotion, and this time, Naruto volunteered to take care of it. He was about a mile from the hideout, and from what little he remembered of being a genin, he understood that no shinobi would leave their weapons behind unless death was waiting.

"And I've got no interest in fighting."

 _Seriously. I would lose in less than a second._

Someone had used the area as a training ground, not a battle. There was no blood or bodies, no sign that anyone else had been here. And they must not be the best sensors if they didn't have the time to grab their weapons and run before his arrival. As it was, Naruto stood amidst leaves in the chilly autumn air, and someone who could kill him in seconds was watching and hiding as Naruto scanned the area.

He wished he could sense peoples chakra. It would be helpful when Kabuto sent him on patrol.

But alas, Orochimaru was incredibly specific about what Naruto was and wasn't allowed to learn in terms of fighting.

More often than not, Naruto couldn't learn anything except basic self-defense, but those classes were hardly enough to keep him alive against even the weakest of shinobi.

"I don't want to fight." He said.

 _So please don't attack me._

"And I'm also from Konoha. Maybe we can chat?"

Still nothing. Insects chirped around him, the birds singing their soft melodies to the morning sun. The grass was greener here than it was at a Orochimaru's place. Over there, it was dry, brittle twigs and dirt. There was nothing beautiful about that place, and there was nothing good that came from it either.

He kicked a rock that stumbled onto his path. Whoever was out here wasn't coming to see him, so he looked around once again, wishing that someone would teach him how to sense peoples chakra. It would be nice to locate people on a whim. Convenient even, especially with how often he sent Naruto to be rid of people who came too close.

"Fine. Don't come out. I'll just tell Kabuto you left and hope for the best."

Hopefully, whoever stood out here with him passed by Orochimaru's hideout without disturbing anyone.

* * *

Naruto rarely saw Orochimaru. Even today, as he tended to a laceration in need of stitches, Orochimaru had disappeared behind the doors that led to tables and blood and knifes. Kabuto had taught him a lot about medicine. He didn't have the chakra control to excel in it, but the basics like stitching and drawing blood and analyzing test results had become known. Naruto was quite fond of it. He didn't have to fight anyone, and although the blood sometimes made him queasy—particularly if there was a lot of it— he enjoyed how he was able to help people.

Some people thanked him for it. Most simply saw him as another servant.

"We're running low on supplies." He said, cleaning the wound as much as possible. It had been gaping open for hours now. The blood had stopped flowing long ago, and now there was only a sticky, dry mess to clean up before he could stitch the skin together again. "Painkillers expired years ago. Kabuto doesn't care enough to get new ones. So I want you to bite into this." He held a cloth to the man's mouth, and his pupils dilated until his eyes were almost black, but he opened his mouth and let Naruto stuff a cloth between his teeth. "That way, you won't bite your tongue. I've also got a squishy." It was a stress relief toy, but Naruto preferred to call it a squishy as all his patients put a death-like grip on it when he stitched them up.

Besides, they were more likely to use it when they didn't feel as though he was _telling_ them that they were stressed.

No one liked being told how they felt. Naruto knew that more than anyone.

He placed the toy between the man's fingers before grabbing the thread and needle and pressing it into the man's skin.

He never got any of their names. Delia told him never to ask because then it was far more personal than it needed to be.

And so, he stitched the man's wound, ignoring how he screamed and moaned with every stitch Naruto made.

* * *

His room was bare.

Sometimes he thought about his old apartment, how it was filled with stuffed animals and plants, and a feeling of warmth would fill his body. He had such love for the décor he'd chosen in the past, and this room, given to him when spiders and cockroaches and blood had littered the floor and walls, brought such emptiness. It was nice to remember what he once had, and he hoped that Sasuke was taking care of his plants.

The landlord would have thrown everything out, and he couldn't leave his plants in a storage unit like he did his stuffed animals. Not unless he wanted them to die.

He hoped Sasuke would take it as a sign that he'd return someday.

But more likely than not, Sasuke would burn it like he burned through everything he hated.

And he would certainly hate Naruto for leaving. That, he had no doubt of.

The bugs had long since moved out, and for that he was grateful. Sometimes a roach wandered in and Naruto had to grab the nearest shoe before it could crawl into bed with him. Delia had to repeatedly tell him bugs would never crawl into his bed, but her words were far too unlikely to be the truth.

After all, if Naruto were a bug, he'd want a mattress to sleep on.

He moved the least uncomfortable pillow into the position he preferred. Kabuto always destroyed his bed by making it neat and proper. But Naruto preferred the blankets to be both under and over him as he snuggled between them like a sandwich. The pillows, however, he never got enough of. Kabuto bought them frequently too, and Naruto pretended they were the same as his stuffed toys.

It never worked. His stuffed toys were far superior than any pillow would ever be.

"Now for a snack." He said. But before he could take another step, someone knocked on his door and walked in without his prompting. Face reddening and teeth clenched, Naruto turned around. This was the one place where he could be alone. Everywhere else was filled with servants and victims and clones of Orochimaru ordering everyone around. At least here, there was peace and quiet.

Except for the screams. Naruto never got used to those.

"What do you want?" Naruto said.

As always, it was Kabuto. Delia and everyone else understood that no one was to enter his room while he was inside, but Kabuto ignored his request in favor of coming in anytime he wanted.

"You said you took care of the idiot training a mile out. Why is he at our door?"

Naruto snapped his head up. That should not have happened. Many times, Naruto had told Kabuto he took care of someone when he did not, and not once did anyone come near the hideout, let alone knock on the door. Who in their right mind would? This was Orochimaru's place. Anyone who came too close either died, or became the latest victim.

Whoever it was had to have been insane. Or ignorant. They might be in need of shelter and did not recognize withering wood and rotting walls as a place to stay away from.

"I don't know." Naruto said, "what are you going to do with him?"

Kabuto snarled. "This was _your_ job. _You're_ taking care of it."

And before Naruto could utter another word, Kabuto was gone.

Naruto furrowed his brows. "What kind of idiot would come here?"

* * *

The idiot was a brunette, one with a slim face and hardly any muscle. Naruto sighed, ready to talk this guy out of the hideout and scream if need be. There was no point in adding to Orochimaru's body count. If this man stayed, he was dead. But if Naruto got rid of him before that…

He'd probably still end up dead, if only because Orochimaru knew when a stranger entered the building, and it was doubtful he'd allow this man to leave without some sort of experimentation done to him.

But this way, there was at least a _chance_ to keeping him alive.

"Listen man," Naruto said, "I get that you need shelter and whatnot. But this is not the place to find it. There is a village a couple mile's from here, though, and the people there are really nice. They won't kill you unless you kill one of them, so that's a bonus. How 'bout you just… head out before someone kidnaps you."

The man didn't answer. Instead, he glanced at all the servants and victims and listened to every scream and moan that resided in this hell. Naruto quirked a brow. He supposed most people weren't used to standing in a torture chamber, and it would be quite a shock to see all the servants running around like medic-nin as if they knew what they were doing.

The man shook his head, grabbing onto the weapon's belt and pulling out the same kunai he'd used in the field. "How about we go somewhere more private?" He said.

Naruto cocked his head, eyeing the kunai in his hands. How stupid did the guy think he was? The least he could have done was wait until he got Naruto alone to whip out a weapon, but instead he rushed into grabbing it, and left Naruto confused as to why he needed it.

Naruto had never see him before. He hadn't done _anything._

 _I didn't do anything to the villagers, either._

"What for?" Naruto said.

"So I can kill you."

Naruto stepped back a couple steps, a laugh bubbling from his throat as he looked around the hallway. It was almost empty, with only a couple medic servants running around and far too many people lying injured.

"l-I don't know what I did to get on your bad side, but- "

"You left."

The answer was so simple that Naruto thought he'd misheard. He left what? Was there something important that he'd dropped by the training ground? Or had he heard that Naruto had a demon sealed inside him?

Did he leave some of Kyuubi's chakra lying around the grounds? Naruto wouldn't put it past Kyuubi. He had gotten pretty good at releasing his chakra without Naruto's knowledge.

"I left _what_?" Naruto said, looking around for anything, _anyone_ , who could help him.

" _You left."_

Naruto shook his head. What did he leave?

"I don't understand." He said, chest growing tight as the man's face grew red. He wasn't ready for a fight. He didn't _want_ a fight.

"I've never even seen you before."

And he _hated_ making people mad. They always tried to pull something on him.

"For God's sake, Naruto. Can't you recognize a henge when you see one?"

Naruto blinked, taken aback. This guy was in disguise? And he expected Naruto to know despite him not being a sensor?

 _Idiot._

"I think you're under the assumption that someone's training me. Can you just tell me who you are so I can apologize for… uh… leaving?"

 _Wait_.

The only place he'd left was Konoha.

And there was only one person who had been upset by his leave.

Only one person who had gone looking for him.

And only one person who would be so mad that they wouldn't even show their true face upon readying to kill him.

His blood ran cold as it dawned on him, and the tears welled despite every wish to never cry again.

" _Sasuke."_


	24. Chapter 24

"You can't be here." Naruto whispered. He grabbed Sasuke's wrist, dragging him into a more enclosed area where the servants weren't likely to watch. He didn't know why Sasuke was here, and he didn't know how long they had until Orochimaru figured it out, but Naruto had a limited amount of time to convince Sasuke to get out before something awful happened to him.

Still, as Naruto led Sasuke through hallway after hallway, heading for the nearest abandoned room, he remembered how often he had dreamt of Sasuke standing by his side. Whether he was with Sasuke at Orochimaru's or watching Konohagakure burn didn't matter. Sasuke had been with him, but at the same time, he'd been gone.

 _I wanted him here_.

But now that he _was_ here, Naruto needed him gone.

He shook his head. In the few times Naruto had met with Orochimaru, he learned that Orochimaru wanted to possess Sasuke, and if that wasn't enough reason to convince Naruto he made the right choice by coming here, then he didn't know what was.

 _Still,_ Naruto thought. _I could've told him._

Naruto craned his head towards Sasuke. "What were you thinking?" He said, "Orochimaru is _obsessed_ with you."

This was, without a doubt, the most idiotic thing Sasuke had ever done. Lurking a mile away was one thing, but knocking on Orochimaru's door? Even if Sasuke was in henge, Orochimaru could sense his chakra. It was only a matter of time before he came down to claim what Orochimaru deemed _his._

"I don't care." Sasuke said, pulling his wrist free from Naruto's grasp. Naruto had led him to an unused closet. The servants were all clearing the way as they ran around scavenging for supplies, so it was unlikely that they'd realize Naruto was gone.

Sasuke's eyes were narrowed, brows furrowed as he stared down at Naruto. Naruto swallowed. Even after all these years, Sasuke was still so much taller than him.

"You're an asshole." Sasuke said.

Naruto eased the door shut, making sure no one saw them walk in. Cleaning supplies resided on the shelves of the closet. This used to be a janitor's storage room, but the janitor had long since died and had yet to be replaced.

Squinting his eyes, Naruto was barely able to make out the shadow of Sasuke. No one had used this closet in years, so placing candles in them wouldn't be of any use. As it was, there was no method to light the way for Naruto to see Sasuke's expression.

 _Sasuke could see with his sharingan._ _He doesn't have to worry about the lighting._

A cold hand clasped around his wrist, holding on so tight it would no doubt bruise. Naruto cringed, jolting his wrist back, but not hard enough to break Sasuke's grasp.

Didn't he deserve to suffer for leaving the way he did?

"I'm sorry." He said.

 _I know more now than I did then._

 _I should have told you._

 _That mission didn't involve_ only _me._

"That goodbye you gave me…" Sasuke said, grabbing Naruto by the shoulders and shoving him back. Naruto stumbled back, holding out an arm until he found a wall to steady him.

He clenched his eyes shut, waiting for the moment Sasuke stabbed him or put him in a genjutsu or used some form of ninjutsu.

He wouldn't fight back. Not when he deserved everything that might be done to him.

He'd taken out a kunai earlier, so it was likely he'd get stabbed.

"…was _horrible_. The least you could have done was tell me where the fuck you were going." He pushed Naruto again, shoving him into the wall even as his head slammed into it with a sickening crack. Warmth oozed at the back of his head, and Naruto pressed his fingertips to the injury.

Head injuries were the worst. They never stopped bleeding.

"And leaving me you're plants? What were you thinking? I've never been able to keep any plant alive."

Naruto's eyes widened. _What_? Sasuke rushed forward, eyes blazing red, but before he could shove Naruto into the wall again, he grabbed his wrists, and it was then, as Naruto stopped Sasuke, that he realized Sasuke was not truly fighting him.

If he were, Naruto couldn't have grabbed his wrists.

"Wait." He said, "does that mean my plants are dead?"

Sasuke's brow twitched. "Of course they're not dead! I took damn good care of them."

"Oh." Naruto said, "thank you."

Sasuke scowled, letting out a guttural growl as he once again pushed Naruto into the wall. But rather than a quick shove, Sasuke pressed his arm into Naruto's neck, applying just enough pressure to make it hard to breath.

Naruto gasped, a jolt of adrenaline striking through his body. He wouldn't be strong enough to keep Sasuke off him. Hell, he couldn't even fight a servant if it came down to it. And although Sasuke didn't choke him enough to stop his breathing, Naruto still did not fight him.

He couldn't.

Not when he deserved far worse than this.

"Are you really gonna kill me?" Naruto choked out, voice shaky and small.

 _I wouldn't blame you._

Sasuke's breath was heavy, deep, and even in the darkness, Naruto saw the red of the sharingan swirling in his eyes. "Why do you think I'm even capable of that?" He said. Naruto's breath was raspy, and his chest was as tight as a knot. Sasuke pressed harder onto his throat, and Naruto devoured what little air he could grasp.

But as soon as air become difficult to find, Sasuke released his arm, instead grabbing his wrists to pin him against the wall.

Naruto coughed, gasping, and clenched his eyes shut. Water filled his lashes, and his throat felt as though someone had thrown a sledgehammer to it.

 _Why?_ He thought. _Aren't you going to kill me?_

"Why did you leave me your plants? Why did you leave?"

"It was a mission."

And it seemed Sasuke struggled on whether he should seriously hurt Naruto or leave him be. Over and over, Sasuke tightened his grip on Naruto's wrist, leaving marks of red and black and blue, but then he would loosen his grasp, allowing Naruto the freedom to choose to fight back.

Naruto could easily push Sasuke back. He might not have been strong, but Sasuke was fighting him without using any of his own strength.

Almost as though he _wanted_ Naruto to fight him.

 _I won't._

Not when Sasuke had every right to hurt him.

"I know that!" Sasuke said.

Naruto furrowed his brows. That wasn't possible. The council promised Sasuke would never know about the mission. Sarutobi swore they'd keep silent. Did they go back on their word? He supposed it was possible. Sarutobi _had_ screwed Naruto over before. It wouldn't surprise him if they went and told Sasuke anyways.

 _Bunch of assholes._

"You do?"

Tears welled in Sasuke's eyes. "I'm not an idiot, Naruto. You told me the council had a mission for you. It wasn't hard to piece together." He took a deep breath, "but _I_ should have been the one to come here. Not you."

Naruto paused as Sasuke released his wrists, and he rubbed them in a futile attempt to ward off the pain.

They would bruise, but none of that mattered.

Right now, Sasuke was the only person that mattered.

A sob ripped through Sasuke's throat, and the sound startled Naruto so much he jumped. Not once, in all the years Naruto had known Sasuke, had he seen him cry.

It didn't seem right, especially since it was _Naruto's_ fault.

 _I'm sorry._

And although he couldn't see anything, Naruto reached up, fingers searching for Sasuke's face until his palm rested on his cheek. Delia always pressed her hand to his cheek on the rare occasion Naruto cried, and it was always appreciated, and even felt nice every now and then. Perhaps it would help Sasuke.

Maybe it would even make him stop crying.

Most days he made people angry. But not once had he made someone cry.

He hated it.

"It was good for me." Naruto said. Sasuke's face was as cold as his hand, and Naruto wondered if he should find a scarf to keep him warm. There were some in the closet of his bedroom, and a lot of them were large enough to reach Naruto's nose.

Sasuke could use a little warmth right now.

"I don't know what you mean." Sasuke said.

Naruto craned his head, brushing his thumb over a stray tear. He'd never comforted anyone before, and only knew to do what Delia did to him. He hoped it would be enough. But his hand was starting to cramp, and any other methods of comfort were as foreign as living a life with luxury. A lot of people hug in times like this, right? Maybe he should do that.

Except Naruto rarely, if ever, took comfort in hugs. The only time he had was when Sarutobi said goodbye.

Delia had given up on hugging when Naruto became far too squirmy.

So, maybe he shouldn't hug Sasuke. It probably wouldn't do any good.

But what else was he supposed to do? Keeping his hand on Sasuke's cheek was becoming far more awkward than Naruto anticipated.

"I needed to get away from Konoha. Coming here, even if it is a little bit hellish, has been really good for me. I like it." Naruto said, dropping his hand and let it hang limply by his side.

He flexed his fingers a couple times, wringing out the ache in his hand.

 _Do nothing. You'll only hurt him if you try._

"It's a torture chamber." Sasuke said.

Naruto shrugged. That much was true. But he also helped those that got tortured. It wasn't the best job, and perhaps he should have done more to ensure no one got hurt. But it was how he'd chosen to live his life.

Maybe it was a mistake. Naruto made a lot of those. But if it was, then it was a mistake that lead him to a place where he wasn't trapped obeying everyone else.

It might have been selfish, but what else was he supposed to do?

"I can't have a utopia, you know? Everything comes at a price." Naruto said.

Sasuke raised his hands until they rested on Naruto's shoulders, and it was only a second before Naruto saw the sharingan flaring only centimeters from his face.

"Come home with me." Sasuke said.

Naruto shook his head. He placed his hands over Sasuke's, relishing in the feel of them before forcibly pushing them off his shoulders. He didn't need anyone touching him. Not when he didn't ask for it, and not when he didn't even like it.

"I can't." He said.

 _Go home,_ he thought, shaking his head. _Ridiculous_.

"Yes you can. Things might not have been good before, but Konoha's different now. We have a new Hokage. Sakura's so much less annoying, and Kakashi misses you. _Nothings_ been the same since you left."

Naruto clenched his eyes shut, shaking his head back and forth far too many times than necessary. He was a jinchuuriki. A demon. Someone who had no choice in any of his decisions because he was a weapon.

In Konoha, he wasn't human.

He would _never_ be human.

But here, he was just a servant.

Here, he could just be _him_.

And this was the freest he'd ever been in his life.

"You don't understand." He said, voice cracking. "It doesn't work that way for me."

"Why not?"

Naruto's throat clogged up as the tears spilled from his eyes. Why did Sasuke have to come here? Why did he have to love him still? Why did he want Naruto to come back?

It would have been so much easier if he just hated him.

It would have been easier if Sasuke killed him.

"It just doesn't." Naruto said, looking to the ground. "I'm not like you guys. I can't have what you have."

"Why not?"

And Naruto looked into Sasuke's eyes, as black and beautiful as he remembered.

He shook his head again, "I need to get to bed." He said, "you should leave before Orochimaru figures out you're here."

Sasuke blinked owlishly as Naruto turned to leave. "That's it?" He said, "your not even gonna explain."

Naruto opened his mouth. He could tell Sasuke about Kyuubi. He could explain that he was a demon, that he was a weapon of battle. But at what cost? Wouldn't Sasuke hate him if he knew? Just like the villagers? _He_ hadn't done anything wrong, but Kyuubi had, and everyone agreed that Naruto and the demon were one and the same.

Sasuke would think so, too. _Everyone_ did.

"I'm sorry. For everything. I never wanted to hurt you."

Naruto turned to leave. His throat was still aching, along with his wrists. But that was nothing he couldn't handle. Delia would scavenge some cream to use, and he'd explain that one of the patients got a little rough.

No one needed to know Sasuke was here. By morning—preferably earlier— he would be back on the road again.

Hopefully.

Sasuke shouldn't stay here longer than necessary.

But before he could take another step, Sasuke blocked his path.

"Then I'll stay with you."

 _What?_

Naruto's eye twitched. Sasuke couldn't do that. Not when it was Orochimaru that lived here. It wasn't safe, wasn't smart, wasn't reasonable.

Wasn't Sasuke supposed to be the smart one? Why was he risking his life for this?

Naruto craned his head back. "But Orochimaru—"

"Tsunade taught me how to hide my chakra. Even from him. _Especially_ from him, actually. He won't recognize me as long as I stay in henge."

Naruto furrowed his brows. "No. You can't do that."

"Why not?"

The answer was simple. Orochimaru was obsessed. There was no one he talked about more than Sasuke. As creepy, delusional, and awful as it was, Orochimaru's favorite topic was the state of Sasuke's body.

It was why Naruto favored Kabuto. Hearing Orochimaru talk about Sasuke was one of the creepiest, most illogical words he'd ever heard.

"Because it's dangerous. Orochimaru will just think you're some new experiment."

"Then I'll be a servant."

No. It would be pointless. If only one of them had to stay, it would be Naruto. He'd been here for three years now. He'd made a life in this twisted world. And Sasuke hadn't been part of that. Naruto didn't _want_ Sasuke to be part of that. This place was filled with blood and death and misery. The only reason Naruto liked it was because he had his own agency.

But Sasuke had that in Konoha. There was no reason for him to stay.

"It doesn't work that way."

"Why not?"

Naruto frowned. "Why do you keep saying that?"

"Why not?"

Naruto furrowed his brows. He had no answer except that it was dangerous, but Sasuke already knew that.

And what other reason did Naruto have? All he wanted was to ensure Sasuke was safe.

"Go home, Sasuke." Naruto said, "you don't belong here."

His words left a bitter taste on his tongue. There was something…awful… about what he was saying. But it was almost familiar.

 **Aren't you doing to him what Sarutobi did to you?**

And of course, _of course,_ Kyuubi knew exactly what it was.

He was trying to make Sasuke do something he didn't want to do.

He was trying to decide what Sasuke _should_ do despite Sasuke wanting otherwise.

Just as Sarutobi did to him.

His stomach dropped.

And before Sasuke could utter another word, Naruto stormed off to his room, dropping onto his bed, and closing his eyes.

He wanted Sasuke to hate him.

He deserved it.

And it wasn't long until he felt someone climb in bed with him.

* * *

Well, this is an unexpected turn of events. My outline did not plan for it.

But my outline is also old, and this is so much better than what I originally intended.


	25. Chapter 25

Beta-ed by LabraBell

* * *

"What are you doing?" Naruto said, flipping over to see Sasuke better. He was henged into someone with brown eyes and lighter hair. Naruto frowned as he trailed his fingers over a lock of brown hair. It was soft, but it should be black, and Sasuke's eyes were supposed to be as dark as the night sky.

He didn't like this version of Sasuke. He wanted the one he had grown up with, not the one who had to henge in order to survive.

"Going to sleep." Sasuke said

Naruto shook his head, letting his hand fall. There was something oddly comforting about Sasuke being here. It had been so long since they were together—so long since Naruto left—and now that he was here, with Naruto, laying in the same bed, Naruto wanted nothing more than to keep Sasuke rooted here with him.

He shook his head. What a selfish desire. Every second Sasuke spent here was time Orochimaru could use to discover his favorite person was within reach.

Sasuke scooted close enough that his warm breath ghosted over Naruto's neck, and it smelt as though something were rotting.

"Did you forget to brush your teeth today?"

Sasuke blinked, jerking his head back. "What?"

"You're breath stinks."

"My breath— that's what you want to talk about right now?"

Naruto craned his head until his eyes met the ceiling. Did he want to talk about Sasuke's breath? Certainly not. Did he want to answer any of Sasuke's questions? Absolutely not.

But he couldn't get rid of Sasuke either.

"Dammit." He said, heaving a deep breath and pressing his palm to his face. A sob got caught in his throat—where it came from he didn't know— and Naruto swallowed it before he could make a sound. "Why are you doing this to me?"

Sasuke furrowed his brows. "What am I doing, exactly?"

"You're confusing me." Naruto said, "I mean, you're here, and I'm glad you are. But you can't be here. I don't want you here, and I'm not going back, and Orochimaru wants your body, and you're here but you shouldn't be here and I don't want you to leave."

Sasuke blinked, shaking his head slowly as he sat up. The blankets fell off his shoulders. "I'm not leaving."

 _At least one of us can be confident._

"I know that." Naruto said, voice cracking. Why was he so upset? It wasn't like Sasuke couldn't hide from Orochimaru. It sounded as if Tsunade trained him specifically for it. So why, of all the things that he could feel, did he want to hide in a dark corner and cry. "I _know_ that."

Sasuke sighed, raking a hand through his hair. And Naruto flipped over until his back faced Sasuke. For now, he'd let Sasuke stay, if only to satiate his selfish desire for a friendship Naruto destroyed long ago. But come morning, Naruto would put all his energy into making Sasuke leave.

He had to. Sasuke wasn't safe here.

No one was.

"What did Konoha do to you?" Sasuke said.

Naruto clenched his eyes shut. _Nothing too bad._ Sarutobi had stripped every ounce of agency from Naruto's mind, and the villagers ignored him until he believed himself invisible. It was nothing truly horrible—not like the things Orochimaru did to people—but it was enough to ensure he never wanted to go back.

They would never let him be free.

They would never grant him his own mind.

They would never let him be a civilian.

"It doesn't concern you." Naruto said, "just go to sleep, and keep your stinky breath away from my face."

Sasuke plopped down with a thud, and Naruto curled his body, lashes filled with water as Sasuke moved to get comfortable.

This wasn't meant to happen.

Sasuke was supposed to hate him.

He was supposed to _hurt_ Naruto.

"I brought you something." Sasuke muttered, then dropped someone small into Naruto's arms. It was soft, and Naruto squinted his eyes open to see that a stuffed dog lay in his arms. It had duct tape attached to areas that had ripped and torn, and stuffing exploded from the dogs severed ear.

Naruto blinked owlishly. That was… his first stuffed toy. The one he'd bought after years of wanting one.

He bolted upright, eyes glinting as warmth spread across his chest. He held the dog close to him, and for a second, he wondered if stuffed toys could be strangled to death.

"You brought her with you?" He said, voice lilted as he whipped his head to Sasuke. Eyes wide, Naruto breathed in deep, looking at the ragged dog as if it was the best thing on the planet.

He never thought he'd see any of his stuffed toys again.

This stuffed animal was old. Over the years, Naruto had played with its ear so much it got torn off. There were rips and stains adorning it, and one of its beady eyes was hanging by a thread.

It wasn't the beautiful stuffed dog he'd bought years ago, but it was still his favorite.

And it was _his._

No one could take his stuffed animals away from him.

"I couldn't bring them all." Sasuke said, "But this one looked pretty used, so I thought it might be your favorite."

Naruto held the dog to his chest. "She was my first. I've had her since I was seven."

A laugh bubbled from his throat. How long had it been since he had a moment of happiness? He couldn't remember. He might have been happy with Sasuke years ago, but that was a time almost forgotten.

"Thank you." Naruto said, pulling the stuffed toy closer to him, "I know I don't deserve this. Especially from you."

Sasuke frowned. "Why wouldn't you deserve it?"

Naruto opened his eyes. Wasn't that obvious? Of all the people in the world, he thought Sasuke would know.

"Because I left you." He said, "and I'm just a bad kid in general, you know? I don't deserve a lot of the things I have."

Like freedom.

Konoha certainly wouldn't have given it to him, but Naruto managed to take it even when so many people knew he was undeserving of such things.

It was the best decision he ever made.

"I—um..." Sasuke said, mouth opening and closing. Naruto cocked his head. Did he say something wrong? Or did Sasuke lose the ability to speak coherently?

Had he become shy in the years Naruto had been away?

Naruto gave a small smile, keeping the stuffed dog wrapped in his arms as he grabbed Sasuke's hand. "Right now I love you." He said, "so until morning I'll stop pestering you to leave, okay?"

Sasuke shook his head, brows furrowed and frown still in place. He pressed his fingers to his temple, closing his eyes briefly before opening them again.

"I'm not leaving you." He said, "so don't pester me at all."

* * *

"Why didn't you tell me?" Sasuke said.

Naruto glanced up from his meal. Delia had been kinder than usual today and brought him breakfast in bed. She'd been surprised to see Sasuke, and had quickly gone back down to bring him something to eat.

She'd inquired about him, too, and Naruto told her Sasuke was a traveler in seek of shelter, and he'd come in at a bad time determined to become a servant.

She frowned at that, explaining that this place was not all it was cracked up to be.

Sasuke didn't listen. He wanted to stay.

Naruto hated it.

"The mission is top secret, so—"

"That's bull. The council only asked you because they thought that seal was _meant_ for you."

Naruto looked down, shrugging. "I don't know."

"You don't know." Sasuke repeated, tapping his foot impatiently, "is that the best answer you got? When a maniac wants me to join him, I would appreciate some warning."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that, already. I want to know why you didn't tell me."

Naruto furrowed his brows. He could say it was because he wanted to protect Sasuke. But that wasn't entirely true.

He didn't tell Sasuke to protect him.

He did it so no one could stop him from leaving.

"I'm sorry." He said again, "I don't have an good answer."

He grabbed his stuffed animal, holding it to his chest. It was as soft as he remembered, and he gently petted the fabric it was made of.

He didn't want Sasuke here.

He didn't want to go home.

"Then give me a bad answer." Sasuke said.

Naruto shook his head, wrapping his arms around his stomach as he clenched his eyes shut. His hands quivered, and the constraints of air seemed to grow even tighter.

His reasons were so selfish, and Sasuke would hate him even more than he already did if he told the truth.

 _You deserve it._

But he didn't _want_ it.

"I'm sorry." He said. "Really, I am. I never wanted to hurt you."

Sasuke heaved a deep breath, hands folded over his chest and raising his head until it met the ceiling. "You keep apologizing." He muttered.

"Well, yeah. I did something bad."

Sasuke pressed his fingers to his temples. "I'm not mad at you." He said. "Well, I am, but not as much as yesterday. I just want to understand why you didn't tell me."

"I already told you that I—"

"Don't know. Right. You're a horrible liar, Naruto."

Naruto flinched, taking half a step back. They were still in his room, and he sat down on his bed, eyeing his many pillows, and feeling the familiar sting of tears in his eyes.

He didn't usually cry this much.

And he didn't even know why he was so upset.

"I'm sorry." He said.

"Stop saying that."

"Sorry." Naruto said, cringing as he remembered that his apologies were the reason Sasuke was mad. He had to stop doing that. Sasuke was mad enough as it was. If apologizing only made that worse, then he needed to shut his mouth.

"You're really not going to tell me, are you?"

"I'm—"

" _Don't_ say you're sorry."

Naruto snapped his mouth shut, an apology on his tongue so he could apologize for saying sorry so much.

 _Pathetic._

He couldn't even accomplish one simple request.

A request as easy as not saying too words.

 _Weak._

"Fine. I guess I don't really need to know, anyways." Sasuke said, "what do you usually do around here?"

Naruto's face lit up as he told Sasuke about how he feigned being a traveler when he got sent out to get rid of some lurker. He explained how kind the people were in a neighboring village, and he told Sasuke all about his time helping those in need.

He didn't explain that Orochimaru was the one to hurt the people that Naruto helped.

That kind of information just wasn't necessary.

* * *

Man, this chapter was fun to write. Feel free to tell me what you thought. Constructive criticism is always welcome.


	26. Chapter 26

Beta-ed by Loveroffanfiction and Labrabell

* * *

Naruto's eyes fluttered open. It was still dark out, and a weight on the other side of the bed revealed that Sasuke had stayed put. Thank god for that. Naruto didn't know what he would do if Sasuke up and left to wander around the lair. Kabuto would surely find him. And then what?

Either Kabuto would allow Sasuke to be a servant, or use him for experimentation.

And when Sasuke lost the henge?

Orochimaru would possess him.

His stomach dropped, and he wrapped his arms around himself. He couldn't let that happen, couldn't _watch_ it happen.

He couldn't lose Sasuke.

Not forever.

He had to get Sasuke out of here.

It was the only way to keep him safe.

But still, as Naruto gazed into Sasuke's sleeping face, a sense of contentment eased into his body. His shoulders sagged, more relaxed than they had been in ages, and Naruto trailed his fingertips over Sasuke's cheek. His face was warm—so unlike his hands— and Naruto smiled as he craned his head deeper into his pillow. He didn't want Sasuke to leave, not now that they'd finally been reunited.

Naruto never wanted to leave Sasuke in the first place.

He heaved a deep breath, his chest aching at just the thought of Sasuke leaving. What was he supposed to do? Convincing Sasuke to leave was the same as Sarutobi forcing Naruto to be a ninja, but it was far too dangerous for Sasuke to stay.

 _It's not like he can't take care of himself._

His eyes stung with unshed tears. He never thought Sasuke's presence could cause so many problems. Up until now, there had been nothing but an unsettled peace within him. Naruto knew this place was awful, but he was happy to stay so long as Orochimaru allowed him to wander the forests alone and work on his own thing.

Naruto sighed. He kept his stuffed animal close to his chest, bringing it up to his face when he started feeling particularly awful. Sasuke's warm breath ghosted over Naruto's cheek, sending a spike of chills up his spine. Why was Sasuke's presence so comforting in the first place? It wasn't like he _needed_ Sasuke. Naruto had plenty of acquaintances here. Sasuke may have been more than an acquaintance, but Naruto had spent the last several years without him, and had learned how to deal without having someone he loved nearby.

He gave a soft moan. This was way too complicated. His head throbbed behind his eyes, and Naruto pressed two fingers to his temple as he clenched his eyes shut. Sasuke really shouldn't be here. Not when Naruto hadn't a clue what to do about him.

"Goddammit." He said.

Why couldn't Sasuke have just stayed away? It would be so much easier that way. Now Naruto had to deal with leaving Sasuke _again,_ and this time, he might not be able to do it.

After all, Sasuke was his first and only friend.

He _never_ wanted to say goodbye.

"You're such an asshole, you know that?"

Naruto clasped his hand around Sasuke's and scooted closer until they were barely touching. A strange warmth spread through his chest, and Naruto closed his eyes.

He could sleep with Sasuke beside him.

Sasuke would always, _always_ keep him safe.

"I hate you." He said.

He didn't notice when brown eyes opened.

* * *

"So, we're healing people today?" Sasuke said. His brows were furrowed, hands fumbling with the paper Naruto gave him. It was a list of jobs that needed to be done. Delia handed it out to every servant, and by the end of the day, all the work was done.

Kabuto never did a thing. Just stood by and made changes about a job he never did.

"I was thinking we can do some cleaning, actually." Naruto said, taking the paper from Sasuke's hands and pointing at a section. "See? The surgical rooms are covered in blood. One of the exper— _patients_ — destroyed a room. It needs cleaning. And don't even get me started on the counters."

Sasuke cocked his head, grabbing the paper from Naruto's hands. They needed a second copy. That way they could work on individual tasks without relying on each other for knowing what to do.

"It also says that the experiments need healing. Look…" Sasuke pointed to the bottom half of what was written. "All these numbers are people, right?"

 _Yes._

"When you put it like that…"

He couldn't finish the sentence. Those people _were_ categorized by numbers, and it was Naruto's primary job to ensure they got everything they needed to both stay alive and comfortable. He sniffled, looking to the ground and grimacing. Sasuke shouldn't have to deal with a place like this.

Naruto didn't want him to see what he'd contributed too.

He didn't want Sasuke to know.

Because—because this was his one decision, and he did horrible things here.

Naruto swallowed. "I want to clean today." He said, "besides, the others have the patients covered. We can give the cleaning people a break, yeah? They've been asking for one."

Sasuke sighed. "Fine, we'll clean. But I will find out what else you do around here."

* * *

By the end of the day, Naruto's shoulders were aching. Sasuke's hair had gotten frazzled, and blood got stuck between their fingertips. The bed was a sweet, sweet relief from work, and Naruto moaned into his pillow.

He didn't usually clean so much.

Whatever. It kept Sasuke from seeing the work Naruto did here.

Not that there was anything wrong with healing people. But Naruto _could have_ done more to prevent them from getting hurt in the first place.

"There was a lot of blood today." Sasuke said, "is that normal?"

Naruto blinked, giving Sasuke a wane smile. The blood was from the surgical unit—a place where Orochimaru forced surgeries on unsuspecting victims— there was always a bloody mess left behind, and _someone_ had to clean it.

Today was Naruto's day.

Naruto shrugged. "Sometimes."

Sasuke narrowed his eyes as Naruto grabbed his stuffed animal again. He was still in henge. With that goddamn brown hair and those awful brown eyes. His face was chubbier than it was meant to be, and his eyes were wider than normal.

Naruto squeezed his stuffed animal.

He hated that face.

He wanted the Sasuke that wasn't in henge.

"How 'bout we walk around the forest. No one will bother us there." Naruto said.

 _And you can drop that stupid henge._

"Alright."

* * *

The grass bled between Naruto's toes. He'd left his sandals at a nearby tree, and Sasuke leaned against a trunk with his eyes closed. The wind blew Sasuke's hair into his face. Naruto relished in the soft breeze, the warm air melting the chill he'd felt all this time. There was something wonderful about the outdoors in early spring. The blossoms bloomed into pink and white and purple. Green washed away any of the black and brown of winter, and then there was Sasuke, who removed the henge after Naruto explained that no one came this way.

His cheekbones were sharper than they used to be, black hair trailing down to his neck. Sasuke's skin—as pale as Naruto remembered— hadn't lost the glow that reminded him of moonlight. There were no Uchiha symbols on his clothes, most likely to keep his identity hidden. Orochimaru would have a party if someone with that symbol walked into his lair.

"You're staring." Sasuke said.

Naruto shrugged. So what if he was? Sasuke stared at Naruto so much when they were younger. It was high time Naruto did the same.

Especially since Sasuke had such a pretty face. How could Naruto not stare?

And why hadn't he noticed before?

"You really should leave, Sasuke. It's not safe here."

Black eyes opened, and Naruto's breath hitched when their gazes locked. Back in the janitor's closet, he hadn't gotten a good look at Sasuke's face—let alone his eyes.

And they were as soul crushing as he remembered.

God, he missed Sasuke.

"I don't need you to protect me."

"But—"

"I'm a ninja, Naruto. I've been trained for situations like this. Can't you just believe that I know what I'm doing?"

Naruto bit his lip, kneeling down beside Sasuke as he gazed up to the sky. It wasn't that Sasuke was weak. It was just—

He didn't want him to get hurt.

And Naruto couldn't protect him in a fight, so the only way he could was by getting rid of him.

"Okay." Naruto said.

But forcing him to leave— that was the worst thing Naruto could do.

After all, Sasuke deserved the right to make his own decisions.

"Okay." He repeated, "I'll stop telling you to leave. Just promise me you won't get caught?"

Sasuke raised his hand to Naruto's face and traced along the scars on Naruto's cheek. His belly stirred in anticipation—of what, he didn't know— but the feeling of someone caressing those scars, of Sasuke's cold fingertips trailing along his cheek, sent a shudder down his spine. Naruto leaned into the touch, eyes closed as Sasuke's finger moved back and forth in an enticing rhythm. A purr escaped his throat, and Sasuke released his cheek.

"Did you just purr?" Sasuke said.

Naruto opened his eyes, forcing Sasuke's hand back onto his cheek, hoping to God that Sasuke would keeping touching those scars.

 _Don't stop._

"Hmm-mm"

It wouldn't be the first time Naruto purred. Years ago, when he first started out as a servant, an old woman had patted his cheek as a way to thank him for serving her food.

That day, Naruto learned he could purr.

He also learned that he wanted someone to touch those scars again.

He'd ended up going back to the old woman just so she would pat his cheeks again.

But she died a week later.

Sasuke warily stroked Naruto cheek again, brows furrowed in confusion and curiosity. Naruto smiled. He didn't know why Sasuke was doing this. But what did that matter? It felt nice, and he wanted more. There were few people in this world who would even hold Naruto's hand, and Sasuke was the one person Naruto _wanted_ to hold.

So this moment, where Sasuke caressed his cheek, stroking against the scars that were more sensitive than they should be, brought Naruto absolute bliss.

Sasuke's eyes narrowed, his pupils dilated, and Naruto arched his back as Sasuke pressed his other hand to Naruto's cheek.

Naruto's eyes glazed over, Sasuke's hand trailed up to his hair, fingers mingling in a tangle of blond locks. A tingle resided in his cheeks, and he found that he was disappointed by having Sasuke leave his scars unattended to.

His hair wasn't nearly as sensitive.

"What are you—"

He didn't have time to finish as Sasuke fisted the back of Naruto's head and pressed their lips together.

* * *

Well, it took 26 long chapters. But they finally made it to this stage.

I'd love to hear what you guys thought about it.


	27. Chapter 27

Beta-ed by Loveroffanfiction

Warning: smut

* * *

It started with the barest of movements. His lips were as soft as butter, shifting at a slow yet pleasant pace, and Sasuke tasted of fruit and coffee. Naruto's eyes widened. It came so suddenly that he jerked, arm twitching in surprise as he moved to breathe, but then Sasuke enveloped him once again, swallowing him in a body that was as hot as a furnace.

His hand coiled around Naruto's shirt until it wrinkled, his other hand wringing and pulling at his hair. Sasuke arched his back, legs curling around Naruto's until their groins brushed against each other. His toned muscles pressed into Naruto's chest, and Sasuke's pupils dilated until there was hardly any color left.

The kiss was wet, lips warm and moist. Sasuke licked Naruto's lower lip, and he coiled his fingers into the grass below him. Naruto shifted his mouth, tasting the sour bite of lingering tomato. It was an odd feeling. Wet, but not undesirable, and it was just pleasurable enough that Naruto wanted to keep going.

Sasuke's hands squeezed his shoulders, fingertips leaving a trail of icy chills as he roamed down to his chest, stopping at a pink, supple nipple, pinching it ever so slightly. He alternated between gentle caresses and bruising force. It seemed that even though Sasuke could do a million other things with his hands, he wanted to bruise Naruto's body.

He didn't mind. The pain, while not necessarily hurting, made his groin itch for more.

He half considered backing off—if only because pain wasn't supposed to make him feel good, but a spike of heat bolted through his body like lightening, and he decided that the sensation was worth all the questions. If anything, it kept his mind from wandering into the territory of everything that could go wrong.

Sasuke moaned, and fire split his spine as the vibrations crackled against his mouth. A shudder wracked his frame, and Naruto spread his legs wider. A grunt left his lips as Sasuke bucked against his groin. The kiss grew more desperate, slowly deepening into a hunger spiraling through heated bodies. Naruto arched his back, wrapping his legs around Sasuke's hips as he grasped at his shirt. He grabbed Sasuke's hand, yanking it up to his cheek and forcing his fingertips to brush against his scars.

No point in having Sasuke touch him where he wasn't sensitive.

Sasuke pushed Naruto to the ground until he was lying flat on his back, and Naruto spread his legs apart as he settled himself between Naruto's thighs. He swallowed. Sasuke hands lay on both sides of his head, lips still locked on Naruto's. His warm breath ghosted over Naruto's nose as he released their locked lips. Their breath was heavy, Sasuke towering over him as Naruto lay on the ground looking into those dark, piercing eyes.

His breath hitched. He didn't know exactly what was happening, only that his body was doing something and it was quite pleasant.

This was something couples did together, right?

He supposed, that if Sasuke wanted to touch him, it was okay. It wasn't like Naruto minded it. Not like he would have had this been someone else. It was just so... foreign.

And strange.

He'd never felt like this before.

Naruto craned his head to the side, and Sasuke narrowed his eyes, a smirk replacing the frown from earlier. Did he ever smile? He remembered, in a time that seemed forever ago, a smile that was so small it hardly counted.

He wanted to see that again.

Naruto swallowed, his mouth more dry than it had ever been. His body felt like someone had lit a match and left him to burn. Sasuke moved his head down to Naruto's neck, sucking at his pulse before grazing his teeth over Naruto's collarbone.

Naruto grasped Sasuke's hair and pulled at his tangles. Perspiration soaked Sasuke's forehead. His hands moved down to brush against Naruto's thighs, moving up and down before his fingers dug into his inner thigh right beside his dick. Naruto closed his eyes, tilting his head upwards as Sasuke dug his fingers under his shirt. His breath came out heavy—though not nearly as loud as Sasuke's— and Sasuke's palms trailed over Naruto's chest.

Naruto gasped as he once more wrapped his legs around Sasuke's waist, bucking his hips until their dicks ground against each other's. Sasuke wheezed, and Naruto shifted his hips until he felt the hard lump between Sasuke's legs.

Naruto eyes clenched shut as Sasuke squeezed the curve of his ass. He was lying flat on his back, the grass bleeding into his skin. His hair was sprawled out across the messy dirt, but that didn't matter when the hardness between his legs grew deeper, tightening and bulging as Naruto pulled at Sasuke's hair, back arched, and skin flushed.

Their lips were an inch away from locking, and Naruto felt the heat of Sasuke's body on his skin. Naruto didn't remember the temperature rising like this. It had been soothingly warm all week, with a gentle breeze to caress him when it became too hot. But here, now, with Sasuke's hands all over his skin and those soft, soothing lips pressed against him, Naruto's body was trapped in a desert.

Black eyes slit open, and Naruto brought his hand behind Sasuke's neck, feeling the tense knots trapped in the muscle. He pressed down, an urge to release Sasuke's pain stronger than anything he'd ever felt before, and Sasuke frowned as Naruto deepened his fingers into Sasuke's skin.

But then the knot released, and Sasuke gasped, darting his arm to press against his neck as he clenched his own eyes. And as Naruto continued digging deeper and deeper, Sasuke leaned into him.

"God, what did you just do?" Sasuke said. Breathless, Naruto caressed Sasuke's cheek, the pale skin as smooth as a babe's. It was fascinating, really. Shinobi's, particularly the ones that trained hard like Sasuke, rarely had smooth skin. But his was still as pale and soft as a civilian, and Naruto could touch him forever.

"You've been training too much." Naruto said, "it creates knots. Lot of Orochimaru's experiments have it."

Sasuke tilted his head, lowering it just enough to lap his tongue over Naruto's bottom lip. He nibbled on it, grazing his teeth just enough to send a spike of pleasure through Naruto's groin.

"Massage me later." He said, "right now, I want to make you scream."

Naruto blinked? Scream? When he was writhing in heat and pleasure? What purpose would that serve? If anything, he wanted to make other noises, to squirm and grasp at Sasuke's body.

But scream?

Hell no.

Not in a million years.

"Jackass." Naruto said, risking a move he never thought he'd do before, and he lowered his hand until he groped at Sasuke's ass.

He smirked as Sasuke froze, eyes half lidded and hands frozen over his chest.

But now what?

"Like I'll ever scream—"

He was cut short as Sasuke ground his dick into Naruto's, rolling back and forth over and over and over again. Naruto leaned his head back, eyes closed and lips parted. There was something enticing about the friction of his groin. Sasuke's thrust up and down, back and forth, and with each move, the tightness grew until it was hard to bare.

He gasped, face flushed, as Sasuke suddenly stopped his movements and ignored his aching groin as he moved to suck Naruto's collarbone again.

Naruto swallowed. The hell was that? After all the thrusting and intoxicating pleasure, Sasuke just moved onto somewhere less pleasant?

"Sasuke—" He said, ready to tell him exactly what he wanted Sasuke to do.

But as he opened his mouth, he realized that he didn't know what he wanted.

He didn't even know what this was.

Or what he was supposed to do.

All he knew was that his body wanted something, and it responded by pure instinct. But his mind hadn't a clue of what it was he was meant to do.

Sasuke nibbled on his ear, breath warm and humid. Naruto shivered. Sasuke's chest pressed against his, muscles tight even under the shirt he wore. Was he supposed to do something else? Kiss him? Touch him?

Naruto didn't know. No one had touched him this way before.

Didn't they call people whores for this kind of thing?

"You want this, don't you?" Sasuke said, breath grazing his ear. Naruto gasped as Sasuke sucked on his earlobe. His body certainly did want this.

And so did his mind.

But, what exactly _was_ this?

His body was in a sensation of fire and desire, but what was he supposed to do with his hands? His legs? His body? Was he supposed to buck his hips? Wrap his legs around Sasuke's? Or was that inappropriate?

Had his decision to move like that been wrong?

No. Surely Sasuke would have said something about it.

"I don't know." Naruto whispered, and as quick as Sasuke kissed him, he stopped, frozen with their legs spread and Sasuke straddling him. Naruto's throat was thick. Sasuke's eyes widened, and he scurried off of Naruto's body, his frown even heavier than before.

Naruto cringed. That was his fault.

He never should have said anything.

"Sorry." Sasuke said, "I thought you—I'm sorry."

Naruto blinked. For what? Sasuke hadn't done anything wrong. The fire in Naruto's groin resided, and he pulled his legs together, looking down at his crotch, more confused as to what was happening with it.

This wasn't the first time his crotch acted like this, though he'd never had an explanation for why it tightened. Only that it would wear off eventually.

"I don't really know what's happening." Naruto said. "This has never happened before." At least, not with this much intensity. "and no ones ever..."

 _Taught me._

Sasuke cocked his head, eyes still dilated. "You've never had a boner before?"

Naruto flushed, gaze trailing to the ground. He picked at the grass below him. The way Sasuke phrased it sounded as if he should be embarrassed. And he was. After all, if he didn't even know anything about his own body...

Naruto shook his head. No. He shouldn't dwell on those thing. The only thing he knew with certainty was that he knew nothing.

"I think Tsunade can explain better than me. Or you can ask Delia. Just please, don't ever ask me to explain it."

Naruto swallowed a lump in his throat, the heat in his cheeks spreading to his ears. Sasuke face was flushed as he looked at anything except Naruto, and Naruto wished he hadn't said he didn't know if he wanted this.

Maybe then Sasuke could look him in the eye.

"How 'bout we grab a steak." Naruto said. He reached to the back of his head, pressing his fingers against the tender spot Sasuke had pulled and winced. Did he have to be so rough? Naruto only had one head, and he wanted to treasure it for as long as he could.

"A steak?"

He saw the shock written in Sasuke's face, the way he craned his head, eyes narrowed and frown as low as ever. It was subtle, but it was there.

Perhaps food wasn't a good conversation changer.

But Kyuubi had been reminiscing about steak earlier, and right now, with embarrassment clouding his judgment, all Naruto could think about was a juicy, raw, tender piece of meat.

Or everything that just happened.

But he would much rather think about food.

"The chefs make some great steak. Let's head back and grab a bite." Naruto smiled. He didn't want to talk about they way they'd touched. They weren't a couple, so it must have been a physical thing. It meant nothing, and Sasuke only wanted some physical affection. Why else would he do all that? Naruto too, sometimes craved physical affection. Not usually the kind that involved kissing, but if that was the kind Sasuke liked, Naruto would happily provide it.

Sasuke would have to ease up on his hair, though.

And explain why Naruto's body responded the way it did.

Sasuke blinked as he shook his head, raising his hand to his forehead as he washed out the surprise of Naruto's words.

"I guess it can't hurt." He said.

Naruto grinned, bolting into a stand as he took Sasuke's hand. "Perfect! Just henge back and I'll ask Isagora to make us something, okay? It doesn't cost too much, promise."

Sasuke nodded, exhaustion lining his eyes as he walked beside Naruto. His brows were furrowed, hands thrust deep into his pockets, and Naruto remembered the day Sasuke approached him at Ino's flower shop to set up a meeting in order to fix the team.

That was the beginning of everything, and if Sasuke hadn't talked to him that day, Naruto never would have gotten so close to him.

He heaved a deep breath, taking a quick glance at Sasuke. He'd henged back into that horrible, chubby face.

Whatever. It wasn't like Naruto wanted Sasuke to get caught.

He just didn't want to stare at a face that didn't belong to his best friend.

"About the kiss..." Sasuke said.

"I get it, Sasuke. That's your physical affection thing. Mine is holding hands. Delia says it's cute. But if you wanna kiss, it's totally cool with me."

Sasuke frowned, face going from Naruto and to the ground. "I won't kiss you again." He said, "sorry about that."

Naruto blinked. "I just said it's fine."

"Don't worry about it. I just thought..." Sasuke shook his head, swallowing. "Nevermind. I was wrong."

Naruto cocked his head. "Wrong about what?"

Sasuke scoffed. "Your scars sure are sensitive, aren't they?"

Naruto pressed his fingertips to his scars. It never gave him pleasure to touch them himself, and sometimes—and only rarely—he asked Delia to rub his cheeks. Most days, she didn't do it. Said Naruto's purring was too weird, and he could accept that.

 _Normal people_ didn't purr.

"Yeah. I don't know why. But if you rub them enough I'll actually fall asleep."

Sasuke jerked his head back, gazing at Naruto in fascination. "Really now." He said, lining his gaze to the sky. "Interesting."

Sasuke's voice was rough. The tendrils of the heat in Naruto's groin got worse, and he licked his lips, half wishing Sasuke would pin him to the ground again. But that was just too weird right now. Especially since he didn't know why his groin kept getting warm like that. Sasuke said he wouldn't explain it, so either he came back to Konoha and asked this Tsunade person…

Or he asked Delia.

Naruto grimaced. Neither option was pleasant. Somehow, for a reason unknown, Naruto thought asking Delia was far too awkward.

Almost like it was one of those matters best kept to himself.

So maybe he shouldn't ask anyone.

"Are you sure you don't want to explain—" Naruto started, only to be cut off by Sasuke's panic stricken, and flushed face.

"Do not make me do that." Sasuke said, "I already had to endure a conversation about it with Tsunade. I am _not_ giving _you_ that talk."

Naruto pursed his lips. _Some help you are._

Whatever. Maybe he could raid Orochimaru's library and find a book on it.

Kabuto would throw a hissy fit if he did. Orochimaru's library was off limits towards most everyone.

It never stopped him before, though.

"How do you like your steak? My favorite is rare. When it's juicy and raw and—"

"Medium."

Naruto furrowed his brows. Medium was good too, though rare was by far the best.

"Medium it is, then. The kitchen is only a little ways past the entrance. We can order it from Isagora. She's super nice."


	28. Chapter 28

Naruto clasped onto Sasuke's hand, intertwining their fingers together as Kabuto lectured them about leaving before all the work was done. It was all a lie, of course. He enjoyed getting the servants in trouble, took pride in it, even. It was sick and twisted and as much as Naruto appreciated the job and supplies given to him, he hated how Kabuto tried to fuck everything up for people.

Sasuke squeezed his hand. He had been acting different since the kiss—more spaced out and distant— Naruto struggled to have an open conversation about it, as Sasuke always shut down his attempts with quip words and phrases. But still, he was friendly enough, and it _was_ Sasuke. His moods could change from happy and calm to distant and cold in a second.

He bit his lip, eyes traveling to Sasuke's face, remembering how high his cheekbones had been while he was out of that henge. It was so unlike his twelve year old face. All that baby fat had disappeared and Naruto wasn't even there to see the process.

 _Whatever_. He made his decision.

He sighed. Sasuke's henge fooled people well enough, but Naruto didn't think it would last long. Orochimaru was smart. He would figure it out soon enough. Either Sasuke left now or he was getting possessed.

Neither option Naruto liked.

But the former was better than the latter.

"I'm sorry, okay Kabuto? I didn't realize we missed a tiny, imperceptible spot in the counters." Naruto said.

A truly, petty man.

Sasuke crossed his leg over the other, straightening his back as he narrowed his eyes at Kabuto. Kabuto, for his part, stepped back as a gasp escaped his lips.

"Who is that?" He said.

"Kaito." Sasuke said, "a new servant, and I do believe you owe Naruto an apology."

Naruto blinked. An apology? For what? This was common down here. Kabuto found a mishap in their duties, and it didn't matter how small or invisible. Punishment was always due. Oftentimes in the form of extra work, but sometimes, in rare cases, he'd inject someone with something for days and days before stopping the treatment and forcing them through withdrawal.

It was a bitter thing to watch, and Naruto had ensured to stay out of any major trouble.

It had worked so far, but with Sasuke here, it would be a lot harder.

Especially if he continued talking to him like that.

"It's just a lecture, S—Kaito. No big deal."

Sasuke whipped his gaze to him. "I cleaned those counters with you. They were spotless. Whatever mess this guy is talking about doesn't exist."

Naruto bit his cheek, a slight hum escaping his throat. Of course the counters were spotless. The mess Kabuto described was made by himself, or some of the chefs who didn't clean after themselves properly. It happened all the time, and it truly didn't matter.

It was just a small punishment. So long as Naruto didn't cause too much trouble, he wouldn't be drugged.

And a small, tiny mess wasn't enough to anger him.

"Well, Kaito, I've been here longer than you. I know how these things work. So shut up before this gets worse."

He hoped Sasuke would listen. If he didn't—and god forbid it wasn't Sasuke that Kabuto turned on—then everything Naruto had worked for up until now would become a failure.

People finally liked him.

Accepted him.

 _Cared_ for him.

He couldn't lose all that just because Kabuto was petty and Sasuke didn't like that.

"We didn't do anything wrong, Naruto. Kabuto's being unreasonable, stupid, and acting like an asshole. It's unacceptable and demeaning towards all the work you put in."

"All that work is going to be destroyed if you keep talking. So shut up."

Sasuke slammed his mouth shut, eyes narrowed in a glare. A swirl of red flared, and Naruto turned Sasuke' face towards him and covered his eye with his dark bangs. Kabuto couldn't see the sharingan. Not if Naruto wanted a semblance of Sasuke's safety.

He may have allowed Sasuke to stay, but that didn't mean he couldn't protect him.

The sharingan spiraled with black and red, a beauty that Naruto didn't want to look away from. But still, he mouthed the words 'stop' to him, because Kabuto would inform Orochimaru about a sharingan user in the base.

They couldn't have that.

Sasuke's eyes slowly melted into black once more, and he heaved a deep breath. Naruto's hands still cupped his cheeks, his thumb rubbing circles over the bone of his face. It was an imperceptible movement, one Naruto didn't even know he was making.

"You okay now?" Naruto asked.

He let his eyes roam over his face. Sasuke's eyes were narrowed, still glaring bloody murder, and his lips were small and plush, the opposite of Naruto's own wider lips. He blinked owlishly, remembering the soft feel of those lips upon his, of how Sasuke's hands had rubbed over his skin and underneath his shirt.

Naruto licked his lips. Perhaps he should let Sasuke do that again.

And this time, Naruto wouldn't say anything that would deter Sasuke.

Sasuke nodded, craning his head until Naruto's hands fell limply to his sides. His groin ached with anticipation, and he crossed his legs. No need for anyone to notice how his crotch jerked.

 _How annoying._ He thought.

"Don't do this again." Sasuke said, standing from the chair and taking Naruto's wrist. He held on with a soft grip, pulling gently at his arm, asking for permission rather than demanding he stand. "Come on, we've got better things to do than talk to this wretch."

Naruto blinked, standing with Sasuke and walking away. With his back turned, Naruto glanced back to Kabuto, needing to understand just how angry he was.

Kabuto's fists were clenched, eyes wide and blazing in anger. He stared Naruto straight in the eyes, a threat of what was to come if Sasuke did this again.

Or of what was to come no matter what.

He shuddered, looking to the hand that had his wrist. It was pale and soft, and unlike the bruising force of his hands hours prior, his grip was as soft as butter.

Just like his lips.

Naruto jerked his wrist. He shouldn't be thinking that way. Sasuke obviously didn't want to touch him like that again. He had stopped so abruptly that he had to have come to his senses and decided Naruto wasn't worthy of touching.

A simple "I don't know" couldn't have made Sasuke stop the friction between their bodies.

He sighed, hoping that Kabuto would punish him rather than Sasuke.

Naruto deserved it, anyways.

Even if he couldn't find any reasons for why he was so deserving of punishment.

* * *

"I hear you brought a friend." Orochimaru said. He had come barging into Naruto's room unannounced. Sasuke was in the shower, and Naruto had jumped as high as the ceiling when Orochimaru slammed the door open and stalked over with a hiss balking out of his throat. The covers were a mess as Naruto stumbled back and fell over the soft mattress. There was no reason Orochimaru would be angry, not when Naruto rarely, if ever, saw him.

And when Naruto did see him, Orochimaru sprouted nonsense about them being alike as outcasts of Konoha. He hadn't ever been mad.

Not at Naruto.

He never gave Orochimaru a reason.

"He's just a guy in need of shelter. He wants to work." Naruto said.

Orochimaru narrowed his eyes, leaning over Naruto's body and wrapping his fingers over his chin. He forced Naruto to look up into those disgusting, yellow eyes. His face, paler than Sasuke's, had a sickly hue that made him want to gag. Orochimaru's breath grazed his face, the smell as revolting as those eyes, and Naruto swallowed despite the dryness of his throat.

What had he done?

What did he need to apologize for?

"That's not what Kabuto said."

And Naruto remembered Kabuto's gasp, the way his eyes widened in fear for only half a second. If this was about Sasuke, did that mean Kabuto saw the sharingan? It seemed impossible. Naruto had pulled his face away before Kabuto could see anything.

But then there was the possibility that Naruto had been too late, and Kabuto _had_ seen.

He swallowed. It was the one situation he'd hoped to avoid.

"It's the truth." Naruto said. He grasped the sheets below him in a futile attempt to calm his quivering hands. Orochimaru had a strong presence, one of strength and power. The exams had proven just how weak he was against him, and getting into another fight was the last thing he needed.

Or wanted, for that matter.

Naruto hated fighting more than anything.

"Kaito's just a dude that knocked on the door." Naruto said, "he's no one important, I swear."

"Then how did his eyes flash red?"

Naruto breathed heavily, a gasp leaving his too-dry throat. Orochimaru pinched his cheeks, nails digging into his face as he forced Naruto's head upwards once more. This was the first time he had made Orochimaru angry, and for the first time since arrival, he was absolutely terrified.

 _Pretend. Pretend. Pretend._

"That's crazy. You know that, right?"

Orochimaru leaned his head forward, far too close for Naruto's comfort, and he pinched harder until blood spilled from Naruto's face.

He had always been a horrible liar.

"I remember that Sasuke-kun seemed to like you. Quite a bit, by the way he acted in the exams."

Naruto flushed, remembering the kiss of that morning. He still hadn't a clue what all of that meant.

But he did know that Sasuke had to leave.

Orochimaru _knew_ , after all. There was no telling what he would do now.

"I haven't seen him in years." Naruto said.

Orochimaru smiled. It was sick and twisted, far too wide to be natural, and his teeth were as yellow as his eyes. "Of course you haven't." He said, "But you do understand that I'll have to take drastic measures to get him to comply with me, don't you?"

Naruto blinked. "What kind of measures?"

A cold hand clasped around his arm, and Naruto jerked, wide eyed but unable to see what Orochimaru was doing. With his face forced upwards, it was impossible to see anything except those awful eyes.

And by the time he tried to push Orochimaru off him—a futile attempt no matter how hard he might try—the needle had already been embedded into his skin.


	29. Chapter 29

Beta-ed by Loveroffanfiction, without whom this chapter wouldn't be nearly as good.

* * *

The world shook in agonizing slowness, his head pounding as his pulse thumped in his mind. Blue eyes squinted open, a soft moan slipping past his lips as the light blinded him. A shape was in his eyesight, as dark as it was blurry, and whatever it was had a firm and bruising grasp on his shoulder as it shook him into oblivion.

"No need to worry." Someone said. The voice was strict, vaguely familiar, and held something akin to demand in tone. "It's just a simple sedative. It'll wear off in a couple hours."

Behind that voice, there was one of panic. The words were too loud to understand, so Naruto stopped paying attention and listened for the calmer, quieter voice—the one that didn't make him want to pierce his ears until they bled— and eventually, the panicked voice became nothing but silence.

Whoever held his shoulder tightened their grasp, and Naruto jerked to the side—a motion that was slower than it should have been—he pulled his arm over his eyes, hoping it would dim the horrible lights in the room. He took a deep, raspy breath. His eyelids were heavy, and his body so fatigued he wanted to collapse despite already laying on the ground. He licked his lips, mouth as dry as the dead leaves outside, and released a soft moan as he tilted his head into the hand shaking him.

Whoever it was had cold hands, and with the unpleasant heat simmering through his veins, he wanted those hands running over every inch of skin he had.

"Though I am surprised he woke up so soon. It's only been a couple minutes."

He squinted his eyes open further, a nagging voice telling him to stay awake before something happened, and a familiar face came into view. Sasuke was leaning over him, eyes wide and voice shrill as he tried to wake Naruto. Orochimaru stood behind him, face leering down at them both, that twisted smirk back on that sickening pale face.

He tried to listen, ignoring the way his pulse pounded like music blasting through the hall. Sasuke's voice eased back into its cold tone, and Orochimaru sounded satisfied.

But the words were far too muffled to understand, and all he wanted to do was sleep.

But the voice kept talking.

He pounded his head on the ground. Maybe if he hurt himself enough, the voice would go silent, and he could close his eyes without anyone screaming at him. That would certainly be nice. But as he lifted his head to bang it again, Sasuke placed his hand underneath him, keeping his head steady and in a place that wasn't nearly as hard as the floor.

Naruto frowned. That wasn't what he wanted.

Sasuke's hand couldn't silence that voice.

Only pain would.

"Possess... insane... fuck off already..."

"Sh't up" Naruto said.

Why was everyone screaming?

 **Don't fall asleep again.**

"All you have to do is—"

"Absolutely not."

But no matter how many times the voice tried to keep him awake, Naruto couldn't keep his eyes open.

* * *

The world spun when he opened his eyes. He lifted himself up slowly, hand resting atop his head to ease the headache. What happened? All he remembered was Orochimaru's face, and then there was nothing. Did he pass out? Get in some sort of trouble? Orochimaru _had_ been mad at him, and that could lead to a number of consequences.

There in the distance a crow squawked, and a campfire brought heat into his chilled bones. The grass was cold and wet with dew. It was early morning, but the sun had yet to fully rise. The wind blew gently over his skin, and the campfire swayed along with it.

Sasuke had his gaze at the fire, katana sheathed in his hands, knuckles white as his sharingan flared from red to black and red again. Naruto furrowed his brows. Was he angry? Sad? He had never seen Sasuke's eyes flash like that, and hadn't a clue what it meant.

"What's—"

"You were right." Sasuke said, closing his eyes as he tightened his grip on the hilt of his katana. "I shouldn't have come. Tsunade _told_ me I wasn't ready."

Naruto blinked. That was unexpected. The last time Sasuke had admitted he was wrong was... was—

Naruto cocked his head. Had Sasuke ever admitted to being wrong before?

 _Not that I can remember._

But as unexpected as it was, Naruto was inclined to agree. Sasuke really shouldn't have come. It was a bad idea all around, especially since Orochimaru clearly knew what happened.

"It's not your fault." He said.

Except it was. If Sasuke hadn't come to get him, nothing would have changed in Naruto's life. He would still be at Orochimaru's, learning to stitch and draw blood, and all the servants and people there would still love him.

But now?

Now, he was in the middle of nowhere, with Sasuke, who had kissed him only the day before. He couldn't go back to Orochimaru's, and no other village except Konoha would welcome him.

He closed his eyes. Konoha was the only place he could go.

He took a deep breath, recalling the way rocks were thrown at his head and how _those looks_ sent him into a whirlwind of fear and anger. He couldn't go back to that. Not after feeling the peace of being welcomed and greeted by people who cared and wanted him to stay.

Not when he made a home in the place of a criminal.

Not when he was finally at peace.

"Goddammit." He said.

Why did Sasuke have to come?

Why couldn't he have stayed in Konoha?

He fisted his hands in his pants, biting his lower lip until it bruised. Sasuke had done this. He'd forced Naruto into a place of homelessness or Konoha.

He'd taken Naruto's home away.

Forced him into exile.

And he could never go back so long as Orochimaru knew he lied about Sasuke.

"But it is." Sasuke said, "you were so... happy there. And I—Orochimaru made it clear he doesn't want you back. We barely managed to get away as it was. Going back would—" he shook his head, his eyes now forever black. Naruto looked down into the fire, watching as the flames danced up and down with the wind, and he listened to the small cackling as it ate away the wood.

Sasuke was right.

It _was_ his fault.

He clenched his fists. What was he going to do about it, though? Hate him? Pretend it didn't happen? Forgive him?

 _No_. He thought. _But I can ignore him._

He laid down on the ground, the grass tickling his arms. His choices were limited, and the most sensible action was to go back to Konoha.

He closed his eyes. One thing was for sure. No matter what happened, it couldn't possibly get any worse.

* * *

"The villagers don't hate you as much." Sasuke said.

Naruto frowned. Didn't hate him? Since when? All he remembered of Konoha was hate and despair. Now that he'd traipsed with a traitor for three years, the villagers had even more reason to hate him. After all, if no one knew of the mission he were on, what would anyone believe except that Naruto himself was a traitor? He'd gone to Orochimaru willingly, and had stayed despite the horrors of that place. All reasons they had pointed at him being a traitor, and yet that wasn't true at all.

But who would believe him? He was nothing more than a kid who everyone despised.

"Care to elaborate?" He said. The campfire cackled as it burned the firewood. Sasuke made it with one of his fancy techniques. It was honestly quite impressive. If Naruto were the one spitting fire, his mouth would have lost all sensation, and been destroyed by the flames. But Sasuke managed to retain everything despite fire spitting from his throat and escaping through those lips.

"Hmm-mmm. I kept telling them to stop hating you. I explained that you were on a mission. It may have taken a while, but most of them have come around."

Naruto furrowed his brows, staring down at the fire. The flames danced in red and yellow and orange. It was similar to a sunset, except it burned brighter and wasn't nearly as beautiful. Sasuke's eyes, however, reflected the fire. With eyes as dark as those, it was easy to see each strand of fire burst in those eyes. It was a better sight than even the most gorgeous sunset, and Naruto could hardly look away.

"How did we escape?" He said. Even now, days after they'd left, Naruto still didn't know anything about how Sasuke had gotten them both out.

And Orochimaru was stronger than Sasuke, of that he was certain. So how in God's name could they have escaped without a scratch? How could Sasuke have survived?

Why didn't Orochimaru kill him?

Sasuke's eyes stayed locked on the fire. He wrapped his arms around his knees, lowering his head until his chin rested on his knees.

"I made a deal."

Alarm washed through him. A deal? Of what kind? And how trapped was Sasuke in this deal? Orochimaru couldn't have made Sasuke promise anything good. Was Sasuke going to allow a Orochimaru to possess him? But if that was the case, what was he doing here instead of there?

Shouldn't Orochimaru have already killed him?

"What—"

"I'll be going back there. Once you're safe in Konoha."

Naruto whipped his head up. _What_? Why would Sasuke do that? Why promise something so idiotic, so dangerous?

Why go so far for someone like him?

"You idiot."

Naruto ground his teeth together. His nails bit into his palms until blood was drawn. Sasuke was a fool. Not only had he gotten Naruto kicked out of his only home, but it was Sasuke who got to return there?

The bite of envy bubbled into his chest. Sasuke got to go back to Orochimaru's. He had the freedom to have the routine of saving people and watching them die. Of eating Isagora's cooking, and sleeping eight hours a night.

Sasuke got to have what Naruto couldn't return to.

"You fucking idiot."

But Sasuke said not a word, only frowned at Naruto with eyes seldom of any regret.

"Relax, Naruto." He said, "Orochimaru was so desperate for my body he would believe anything I told him. I have no plan of actually going back there."

Naruto narrowed his eyes. It was not reassuring to hear those words. Not like it should have been. But he had no words except for those laced in hatred, so he kept his mouth shut and closed his eyes.

He should sleep the anger off and figure everything out tomorrow.

* * *

Sasuke stood by his side, as he had in the several weeks it took to travel back to Konoha. They were only one day away now. By tomorrow afternoon, he would be back in the nightmare he was born into.

His stomach dropped. Of all the places to be...

He shook his head. Thinking about it would lead to more problems, and he'd no doubt dry heave the same way he had done when his thoughts delved deeper and deeper into what could happen when he returned.

No one knew it was a mission except the council and Sarutobi. So for all the residents in Konoha knew, Naruto had betrayed the village and left with a man who was as horrible as he was pale.

They would hate him even more.

They would hurt him even more.

His chest clenched. Why did it have to be that way? Couldn't they just accept him as he was, demon or no demon, and move on from all the hate and grief and despair?

Couldn't they forgive him for housing Kyuubi?

He sighed. He hated thinking about that. All it brought was painful memories and too many questions of 'what if.'

He glanced over to Sasuke. Naruto had been ignoring him all month, partly because there was a grudge growing in his heart over what Sasuke had caused, but also because Sasuke wanted to talk about his mistake when all Naruto wanted to do was forget and move on.

He didn't _like_ thinking about the things he'd lost.

"It's been over a month." Sasuke said, lips a swollen blue. Naruto had watched him chip away at his bottom lip with his teeth. It was a familiar habit, one Naruto picked up on when he was a child. But while Naruto had Kyuubi to heal his injury, Sasuke did not. "You need to stop ignoring me."

 _No_.

Sasuke had apologized once, and then proceeded to sulk until Naruto had the urge to talk. But he'd shoved that urge down. Because while Naruto did love Sasuke, he couldn't bare to talk to the man who'd sent him back on the path to hell. The anger grew inside his heart until it was a tangled wire of confusion, and Naruto didn't know how to make sense of any of it.

It was true that Naruto hadn't explained the risks, so Sasuke had no way of knowing that his actions could have such dire consequences. But Naruto didn't think he'd do something so damn stupid.

He was a trained shinobi, after all. That kind of carelessness shouldn't be allowed. And yet, even though Naruto had told him to leave, Sasuke never listened.

 _And why would he?_

Sasuke didn't listen to anyone except himself.

"Naruto—"

"Stop it."

And as a result, Naruto had lost his only home.

And he found it hard to forgive. Not because he couldn't. Sasuke was regretful, and Naruto was killing him with this silence. But it was so much easier not to talk about it, and Naruto didn't want to think of what Sasuke had done or of how he was going back to Konoha. He had nothing to say except cruel words of hate, words that Naruto couldn't bare to say to Sasuke's face.

"I didn't—" Sasuke said.

"Stop talking about this."

Maybe when Naruto was back in hell, he could forgive Sasuke. Because then, it would all be real, and Naruto could face the fact that he was back there forever.

"Okay." Sasuke said, "if that's how you want it."

Naruto nodded. That _was_ how he wanted it. As long as there was silence, Naruto didn't have to deal with any fight or conflict that might arise by talking.

"But I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't _want_ it to happen. Or expect it to. I thought I was strong enough. I thought I could—"

Naruto whipped his head behind him, a glint of red shading his eyes. "Why do you want to talk about this so bad, huh?"

 _Why can't you let it go?_

He just wanted to forget any of this happened, but Sasuke kept on reminding him.

And tomorrow, he would be back in Konoha.

"I know I messed up."

"You've made that plenty clear."

Sasuke's eye twitched. "Yes. I have. Is it really that hard to forgive me? All I did was try to defend you. The sharingan just sort of activated. I didn't want that to happen."

 _I know_.

He knew all too well after all the time they spent together.

His chest warmed up. He still remembered the way he had attempted to save Sasuke from Ino while they were henged into each other. They were only just getting to know each other after all the years of hatred, but Naruto had taken pity on Sasuke the same way Sasuke took pity on him when it came to coursework.

He gave a soft smile. Those days were so much simpler.

Those days, all Naruto had was hate.

But now, there was hate and confusion and warmth and desire and despair and everything in between.

It was far too much for him to handle alone.

"It's not your fault." Naruto said.

But he couldn't believe it, no matter how much he wanted to.

"Then why won't you talk to me."

 _Because it's Konoha._

"Because it _is_ your fault."

None of this would be happening if Sasuke hadn't come.

And yet, Naruto couldn't be mad at Sasuke for trying to help.

But he sure as hell could stop talking about it.

* * *

Well, we're heading towards the end of the story now. Only about 5-6 more chapters left. I'm both excited and dreadful for that. I don't really want this to end, but I also really want to finish this story.

Well, we're heading towards the end of the story now. Only about 5-6 more chapters left. I'm both excited and dreadful for that. I don't really want this to end, but I also really want to finish this story.

Also, my lovely beta reader and good friend, Loveroffanfiction, and her co-author, BeSkydreamer, have published their very own fic called Tender Weakness. It is completely awesome, and they are both wonderful writers. So if you want, go check the story out. They are not on , though, but you can find them on AO3.

Anyhoo, let me know how this chapter was!


	30. Chapter 30

There it was. The crater that was Konoha. It stood shamelessly intact after all these years. From their spot atop the monument, Naruto could see the swirl of people, who looked more like little black dots, swarm across the village. He couldn't see what they were doing. But he knew without truly _knowing_ that he would not be welcomed here.

It didn't matter how much Sasuke talked to them. No one would be convinced that Naruto wasn't a monster.

Even if Sasuke did have a lot of sway over what people did.

 _So maybe a few of them..._

No.

It was impossible.

No one liked him, and no one ever would.

"Feels good to be back?"

"No."

Sasuke had been silent throughout the day. He seemed to understand that Naruto didn't want to talk to him. He didn't want to accept it, though. But he _did_ understand. That, at least, was a benefit to all of this.

Sasuke craned his head back to the village. It was only a short climb down from here. So long as Naruto focused his chakra into his feet, it would be simple to walk down. Not pleasant, though. His stomach had been churning for days, and his head throbbed something awful. The dread of coming back — of being here—settled until nothing else occupied Naruto's mind. For so long through this trek, he wanted nothing more than to turn back and run away. To beg Orochimaru for forgiveness and do whatever it took, whatever that asshole wanted, just so he could be welcomed back into that lair.

"It won't be that bad." Sasuke said as he walked forward, then straight down the monument. Naruto followed his example, pushing just enough chakra into his feet to walk steadily down.

He couldn't even remember when he learned that. Only that Kakashi had given a lesson ages ago, and it took forever for Naruto to figure it out.

"You'll see, Naruto. You'll definitely like it here."

Naruto pursed his lips, brows furrowed. That seemed unlikely with everything that had already happened. He didn't even know what the council said about his disappearance. They might have explained that Naruto wasn't the bad guy, or they might have said nothing and let everyone come to their own conclusions.

But no matter the result, he'd lost.

Naruto sighed. Sasuke's hair had grown longer, taking the shape of a duck's ass as the gel made it stick up at an angle. It was a rather odd hairstyle, one that suited him fine, but also left Naruto wondering what else he could do with that hair.

"You don't know what Konoha's like." Naruto said, "you don't know what they do."

Sasuke paused for half a second, only to continue forward. "I've lived here longer than you. So I think I know plenty."

 _Except you don't._

No one understood, and no one ever would.

He might as well have been an alien with the way he was treated.

Naruto heaved a deep breath as he gently shook his head. The wind caressed his skin and pushed his hair behind his ear. There was no point thinking about it. He was _here_ , and he might as well have been dead. The dread churning his stomach plummeted deeper and deeper until all he wanted to do was curl into a ball, but still he continued forward.

This was Konoha. This was hell.

And he was back.

But the worst part of it all, it was Sasuke's fault.

* * *

Sasuke wasn't lying when he said there was a new Hokage. A woman sat in Sarutobi's former chair. Her blonde hair was tied in two pig tails, and her bust, something Naruto didn't normally take notice of, was larger than anything he'd seen before.

He didn't stare it it for long, though, especially after learning from Delia how disrespectful and creepy it was to blatantly stare at a woman's breasts.

She smiled at him, clasping her hands together and plopping her chin in her hands. Her brown eyes were warm, not unlike Iruka's when he taught class without addressing Naruto. Naruto blinked as she continued to look at him as if he weren't a monster, and hesitantly stepped back when her gaze didn't leave his.

Why didn't she look angry? Wouldn't she be mad that he was back? That he'd foregone the mission and returned to the place he wasn't welcomed?

"You must be Naruto." She said, "I heard you took on a particularly difficult mission, one that Sasuke has been trying to take you from for years."

"Um."

"You'll be well compensated for it, of course. How does 50,000 sound? I assume after a mission like that you'll be looking forward to a hefty paycheck."

"Uh."

"Now I have yet to see the report on how you two got out. So I expect a verbal report right now."

"I—"

But Sasuke interrupted him, and he went on an incredibly long monologue about everything that had happened between Orochimaru and them. He explained details that Naruto didn't get before, like how Orochimaru didn't seem serious as Sasuke made the deal, and how Sasuke felt that it was all a game, but he couldn't pinpoint what game they were playing.

Naruto swallowed, scratching his arm as spiders crawled up his skin. Orochimaru was never straightforward. Whatever deal Sasuke had made, it would come to bite them in the ass soon enough, and there was nothing either of them could do to prevent it.

 _Stupid, idiotic, asshole._ He thought.

What kind of person made a deal with Orochimaru?

 **You did.**

Naruto froze. That was different, wasn't it? Sasuke wanted nothing to do with Orochimaru, and Naruto simply had to get away no matter the cost. Going to Orochimaru was a last ditched effort to get away from this hellish life. But for Sasuke, it was all about bringing Naruto back.

 _So he's selfish, too, huh?_

Naruto's agreement with Orochimaru was nothing like Sasuke's. After all, Naruto wanted to be there, and Sasuke wanted to stay in Konoha.

He also wanted Naruto to stay in this hell with him.

Naruto coiled his fingers into his palm. His nails dug deep into his skin, and a warm liquid slipped between his fingertips. How could Sasuke do this to him? Weren't they friends? Wasn't he supposed to be kind? Why bring him back to Konoha? Why come for him at all?

Why do any of this?

"A deal..." Tsunade muttered. Naruto snapped his head up. Her brows were furrowed, lips marred into a frown that sent shivers down Naruto's spine. She was figuring something out, and it wouldn't be good. "I doubt this is the last you'll see of him, Sasuke. My only guess is that he was testing you. I'm sure he'll be back whenever it's convenient for him."

Sasuke nodded. "I figured as much. Is there anything else you need or..."

She shook her head. "You're free to go, Sasuke. Though I would like to talk further with you, Naruto. In private, preferably."

Tsunade brought out a bottle of ale as Sasuke left, and rather than spilling the drink into a cup, she brought the bottle to her lips and chugged half of it down. Her eyes were closed the entire time, and soon enough, her cheeks would be tinted red.

Was it appropriate for the Hokage to drink on the job? It didn't seem professional.

Tsunade slammed the bottle down with a heavy clunk. Her lips parted, and she gave a heavy sigh, eyes half-lidded as the drink began to settle in her stomach.

Naruto grimaced. He didn't want to talk to a drunk Hokage.

"It appears that the Third Hokage was an idiot." She said.

Naruto blinked. That he could certainly agree with. But where was Sarutobi? And why did he retire? Sure, he was getting old, but his body wasn't so frail that he couldn't keep up with the job of Hokage. And with how happy he seemed to be with the job, Naruto assumed he wouldn't retire until his dying breath.

"I've had a lot of long chats with Sasuke, along with other people who are aware of your situation."

Naruto cocked his head. "My...situation?"

She nodded, and as he predicted, her cheeks were taking on a rosy hue. Her shoulders slouched, as if it was becoming too hard to sit up straight, and Naruto backed up towards the door, ready to leave in case everything went awry.

She may not have hated him while she was sober. But alcohol never failed to make people realize how awful Naruto was.

"I couldn't for the life of me figure out why he would send a child on an S-ranked mission. And after everything I've learned about you and Sasuke and... well... everything, I've decided to put you in therapy. Though it was mostly Iruka's idea. He feels guilty, apparently. As he should. But first you're going to talk to a couple people before before we decide if you actually need it."

Wariness seeped into every bone in his body. This wasn't right. Tsunade hadn't even informed him of what kind of therapy he would be experiencing. And it didn't seem as though she were giving him an option. Was she just another Sarutobi? Someone who would force him into situations Naruto wanted nothing to do with? Would she take every ounce of agency from his mind?

Would she destroy everything Naruto had built of himself while at Orochimaru's lab?

No. He couldn't let her. _Wouldn't_ let her.

He wasn't letting this happen again, not after the first time.

"I'm not—"

"I'll fill you in on everything when you're on your way to meet with the people who will decide if you need therapy. Some kids have been known to... rehearse their answers and anticipate the questions. We want to avoid that as much as possible."

"But I don't want anything to do with this."

 _Whatever it is._ He thought. _I don't_ need _therapy._

They probably just wanted to fix him.

The thought left a bitter taste in his mouth.

"Yes. Most people don't when they first hear about it, particularly if they don't even realize somethings wrong. But I think you'll find that it'll be quite good for you."

"I don't want to." He said.

Was that too much to ask? All he wanted was to do what he wanted. Why didn't anyone let him?

Tsunade furrowed her brows, holding the bottle of ale as if she needed it for comfort. She didn't drink anymore, though the bottle would no doubt be empty within the next few hours.

"Can you at least try?" Tsunade said.

He didn't want to.

But maybe... because she asked...

No one had ever asked him before.

So he shrugged, but it wasn't like she was giving him an option, even if she phrased it in a way that sounded optional.

"I guess." He said.

And he didn't quite know what to feel about that.

* * *

As it turned out, Tsunade didn't allow anyone to rent the apartment he'd abandoned, so when he returned home after all these years, it was to the sight of a bare and clean apartment complex. His plants were still at Sasuke's, and he didn't want to go all the way to the storage unit just yet to retrieve his stuffed animals. So he ignored the way his pile of stuffed toys was missing, and of how the green of his plants was gone. The tabletop was still an ugly tannish-brown, but there wasn't a speck of dirt or dust upon them.

Someone must have kept it tidy.

He wondered who would bother with that.

But whoever kept the place dust free missed a few dirty dishes. Which was odd, as Naruto made sure to clean those up before he left. The last thing he wanted was for mold to start growing, especially since he didn't know how long he was going to be at Orochimaru's.

Even though he'd hoped it would be forever.

Though in the end, a part of him knew that he'd have to come back at some point, if not because he was Konoha's weapon, then because someday, Orochimaru would have kicked him out.

He sighed, picking up the dishes. Crusted spaghetti sauce stained it, and he grimaced. Crusted and hardened food was always the hardest to come off, so he'd have to let it soak first.

But as he waited for the water to get hot and scrubbed what he could, he began to realize that this was not his plate, and the cup and bowl that came with it were not his either.

He furrowed his brows. Did Tsunade lie about no one living here the last three years?

But if so, then why only have three dishes and nothing else?

He pursed his lips. Maybe they _were_ his and he couldn't remember? It wasn't like he kept track of all the dishes he had. He might have forgotten the look of some of them. And for these ones, a red spiral curved into the center, casting an illusion that seemed as though the circles spread on forever.

It was familiar, but he couldn't recall where he saw that pattern from.

So when it hit him, the dish slipped out of his hands and broke with a horrible shatter. Glass spread throughout the sink, and Naruto could do nothing but stare blankly at the mess.

It wasn't his dish.

It was Carelady's.

* * *

So, we're heading into a mini-arc that I totally forgot about until like, two chapters ago. But it still holds relevance and I am seriously looking forward to it. I just hope you guys like it, too.


	31. Chapter 31

Beta-ed by the wonderful Loveroffanfiction

* * *

Naruto stormed into the doors of the orphanage that brought him hell. The children stumbled back as the door slammed against the wall, and Naruto darted his eyes over every crevice of the room. His chest was bursting a fire stronger than anything he'd felt before, and with the dishes brought to him by the demon from hell, he remembered everything she ever did to him. From the way her hands pulled at his hair and her boots kicked at his stomach. Only rarely did she hit his face. But when she did, it always gave him a black eye that should have landed him in the hospital.

His eyes grazed over the children who cleaned and played and relaxed. Most of them were young, barely even ten years old. But a few of them were in their teenage years. Shinobi died every day, after all, and sometimes they left their children, however old or young, and turned them into orphans.

He didn't know what, exactly, he was going to do. But by god he was angry, and Carelady was never supposed to reach out to him again.

"Where is she?" He said.

Blue eyes were set into a glare. With the dim lighting of the orphanage, the room looked more dreary and dark. A fitting shade for an orphanage. But still, these children deserved sunlight and colors, not dreariness and darkness.

And although his chest heaved with the effort to breath, it was not a struggle to face Carelady. There was no fear anymore. No timidness. Naruto was not the same boy that she once knew. With everything he'd seen and done at Orochimaru's, he was hardened to even the most cruel of fates.

And she couldn't do this to him again. He wouldn't _let_ her.

He would kill her before she could do him any more harm.

"Naruto?"

Naruto's attention was brought to the corner of the room. It wasn't Carelady who said his name, but Sasuke. He had a broom in hand, and dust and soot smothered his face and clothes. There were children helping him sweep the floors into a pile, and his brows, once quirked and curious, were now furrowed.

Naruto froze in his tracks, the anger at Carelady forgotten. Sasuke was... sweeping the orphanage floors. He seemed surprised that Naruto would be here, as if his own presence wasn't just as unwarranted as Naruto's. But Sasuke had never been a child of the orphanage. Sarutobi allowed him to have his own place, to live on his own from the moment he became an orphan to the day he learned to live without aid.

 _If_ he ever learned to live without aid.

Naruto sure as hell hadn't.

"Are you helping her?" He said.

It felt as though someone had struck a knife to his chest. Sasuke was here, sweeping the floors as if he'd done it a million times before. And maybe he had. Maybe he'd been doing this all this tome. Helping a woman who had done nothing but bring Naruto pain. The betrayal sunk deep into his heart. How could Sasuke do that? Didn't he see how horrible that woman was? It wasn't as though Naruto were the _only_ child Carelady hurt.

His throat clogged with incoming tears, and Naruto's chest, once fuming with fire, trembled as he tried to breath.

Sasuke should not be helping her.

"I'm just sweeping." Sasuke said, setting the broom down as he trotted over. "Is something wrong?"

Naruto shook his head. How—and why— Sasuke couldn't be siding with Carelady. She'd hit him. She'd—She'd—

Sasuke reached for his arm, but Naruto stumbled back. It was becoming hard to breath, as if his chest wasn't working right. And there was a tightness where his lungs should have been. It was awfully painful, as if someone had wrapped a rope around his throat and left him to hang.

He gasped. The air he sought refused to come, and tears, as unbidden and shameful as they were, streamed down his cheeks.

Sasuke couldn't do this to him. He couldn't _help her_.

"How could—"

But he couldn't finish the sentence because he still couldn't breathe.

"Maybe we should get you out of here." Sasuke said.

He reached for Naruto's arm again, and this time, Naruto didn't jerk as his cold hands wrapped around his wrist. A tug on his shoulder brought him more into awareness. He could barely see the children with tears clouding his eyes, and it was when he felt the warm drops of sunlight hit his skin that Naruto realized he was outside.

His breath came out easier now, and the tears slowly subsided. Sasuke kept a firm grasp on his wrist. He walked a few steps ahead of him. The villagers were gawking, as if they couldn't believe Naruto was standing with an Uchiha.

"What were you doing?" Naruto said.

Why was Sasuke helping Carelady? Why do that to Naruto?

Why bring him back to Konoha at all?

"Sweeping. Do you suddenly have a grudge against that, too?"

Anger laced Sasuke's voice, and Naruto cringed. But that wasn't his fault. Sasuke was helping the woman who hurt him—who hit him—she'd committed the first crime against Naruto. Did Sasuke blame him for being angry? Did he think Carelady was _nice_?

Naruto narrowed his eyes. Of course he thought she was nice. Sasuke stayed in Konoha despite everything they had done to Naruto. Why would he care that a woman had hurt him when Naruto was a child?

Sarutobi certainly didn't care. Why else would it have taken seven years to get Naruto out of that place?

"You're just like everyone else, aren't you?" He said.

Sasuke was part of this village. He'd brought Naruto back, even after Naruto explained that he didn't want anything to do with Konoha. He refused to believe Naruto about how horrible the people were, and he'd forced Naruto into a situation where he had to come back.

The only thing Sasuke did was hide his cruelty better than anyone else.

Sasuke shook his head, releasing his grip on Naruto's wrist and clasping both hands to Naruto's shoulders. Sasuke's posture was stiff, uncomfortable, and he shuffled onto his other foot. His black eyes looked down at Naruto's blue. It seemed that despite everything that had been done to Naruto, Sasuke was the angry one now.

Sasuke took a deep breath and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he tightened his grip on Naruto's shoulders, and a shred of red flared in his eyes.

"What is wrong with you?" He said.

Naruto jumped, eyes widening. The hell kind of question was that? There wasn't anything wrong with him, and there wouldn't ever be anything wrong with him. He was just... him. Why did everyone think that was bad? Why did _Naruto_ think that was bad?

What was so wrong with him that everyone had to hate him?

 _Kyuubi_. He thought.

It was that demon's fault.

Except Naruto didn't _ask_ for it to be sealed in him. He didn't _want_ it. He just wanted someplace where he could find peace.

How was that too much? How was that so wrong?

"Nothing." Naruto said as he bowed his head.

It wasn't like Sasuke couldn't see how awful Carelady was to the kids. He was observant, and classified as a genius. Sasuke would already know about Carelady's abuse. If Naruto pointed it out, then he was merely saying what Sasuke already knew.

 _He still helped her._

Even though he must have known what she was like.

His chest ached at the thought. Why Sasuke of all people?

Why not someone else?

Why his only friend?

"I'm just gonna—" Naruto said, pointing his thumb over his shoulder as a way to tell Sasuke he was leaving.

Sasuke furrowed his brows, but gave a small nod. "I'll see you later." He said.

Naruto nodded.

He didn't want to see Sasuke. Not after everything he'd just learned.

* * *

He stood at the tip of his the Fourth's nose, eyebrows knit together, face and eyes puffy and red. He hadn't stopped crying since he left Sasuke along the path. And despite Sasuke's claims of people liking him, it seemed to only go a little ways. Their cruel eyes still followed him. But there was no rock thrown at his head, and everyone seemed to just avoid him.

Just as they'd done before.

So maybe there was no progress after all. Everything was the same as the day he left.

Except now they were all older.

 _He_ was older.

And he had nothing to show for it.

Naruto sighed. The village was nothing but sunny days and good weather. In the distance, little black dots wavered and moved. It was relaxing to watch, as Naruto didn't have to talk to anyone, and no one had to talk to him.

 _But maybe Sasuke—_

No.

Sasuke was just like everyone else.

It was so tiring to be back. Naruto hadn't heard a thing about Sarutobi, let alone seen him. And part of him, the child that still remained, wanted to run to him and wrap his arms around Sarutobi's frail yet strong body.

And yet, the darker and most secret part of him wanted nothing more than to see Sarutobi whither and die.

The latter part of himself won, and Naruto didn't even bother to ask for him.

"It's not as great as you said it'd be." He said.

He certainly wished Sasuke had been honest about that. It would be so much easier if people actually wanted him here like they did at Orochimaru's place.

 _But no one cares._

No one. Not a soul in the whole village.

He'd thought Sasuke was different. That maybe they were friends. That the anger Naruto felt would someday sooth into nothing. That maybe he was right and Konoha wasn't _that_ bad.

He cringed. Well, he never really had a doubt about how awful Konoha was. But Naruto had daydreamed about it.

Except daydreams weren't reality, and Naruto always had to wake up.

And when he woke up tomorrow morning, he would still be in Konoha, because as much as he wanted this to be a dream, it was only reality.

A cruel, cruel reality.

 _Where's the kindness?_

Where were the greetings of people who missed him all these years? The smiles of everyone he knew welcoming him back? Where were his classmates, who surely would have noticed his disappearance?

Why hadn't they come to see him? Did they truly care so little? Even after all these years?

Naruto bit his lip. It wasn't like he was friends with any of them, but still, someone could have welcomed him back.

"Bunch of assholes." He folded his arms across his chest, biting his nails into his palms as he gazed down at the village. The thought of climbing down and punching those villagers infiltrated his mind. They certainly deserved it, and all of them should see it coming.

Maybe he should even kill them.

Maybe he should prove what kind of demon he could be.

That was what they wanted, right? For him to be a demon. It was what they believed, so why shouldn't he become that? Why stay as weak and pathetic as he was now?

It wasn't like they'd ever see him as anything but a demon.

Naruto narrowed his eyes. He wanted their blood on his hands. He wanted them to look into his eyes as they took their last, gasping breath. He wanted them to see how it felt to be wretched and unwanted.

He wanted them dead.

They deserved it after everything they'd done to him.

"And it's not like I can't do it."

Kyuubi was desperate to take over and wipe out everyone. With the power of a bijuu, no one could stop him. Naruto would be no better than what everyone wanted, and their lives would belong to him.

He could make them feel everything Naruto had ever felt.

His fingers twitched. It was an awfully tempting thought.

But he shook his head, recalling the way he couldn't remember anything about when Kyuubi possessed him before.

He didn't want to lose control of himself like that.

He pressed his hand to his belly, the same place the seal was, and yearned for a day when they could be separated. He didn't want this demon inside him, and maybe if someone could take the demon out, the villagers would finally accept him as a human being.

Maybe they would love him and welcome him and smile at him.

Maybe they would care for him.

A painful sob ripped through his throat. As wonderful as a day like that would be, it was only a dream, and a dream could never become reality.

Now and forever, he would always live a nightmare.

So he looked down at the village once more. It was certainly a steep fall, one that would kill a person if they let gravity take its hold. For a second, he wondered how much blood an average person would spill from this height. It would most likely be a lot. A persons whole body would splat, and that was only if the rocks didn't tear their limbs off.

It wouldn't be quick, but the pain would become so numb and unconsciousness would be quick.

No one would miss him.

No one would cry.

But everyone would celebrate.

And they would most certainly be better off without him.

"A nightmare." He muttered.

That was his reality. And if three years couldn't fix it, then what would?

It had been sixteen years. If they couldn't accept him now, then would he ever be happy?

Would he ever find what he wanted?

He took a deep breath. The villagers had watched as Naruto hurt and cried and bled day after day after day. They did nothing to help, but instead took part in a ritual dedicated to making his life worse. And in the process, he almost died again and again. Not literally, of course. But with each passing day, he grew more and more tired, and less energy was spent on himself and more on them.

 _Or was it?_

Naruto did focus a lot on himself when he gave up on ever being liked.

But still, they killed him. For sixteen years, they ensured he wanted nothing more to do with them. They stripped him of his mind, his choices, his life. They forced him into a servitude he wanted no part of.

They _hurt_ him.

And it was exhausting.

 _For sixteen years._

"You did this to me." He said, standing up until he was balancing on the nose of the Fourth Hokage. "You did this, and I got nothing out of it."

Nothing but pain and humiliation.

Hot, shameful tears rolled down his cheeks, and Naruto slammed his foot into the ground, face growing hot as he let out a guttural scream that held all the anger and despair locked up inside him. He pulled at his hair until it was ripped from his scalp, and when one foot slipped from the Hokage's nose, Naruto gasped and bent down until his hand was clutching at the monument.

His pulse raced through his skull, his head pounding like the fires of hell. They wanted him to suffer, and like a pathetic doll, that was exactly what Naruto did.

Except he was also lucky, because not everyone got food and shelter the way he did.

Not everyone broke out of Carelady's care.

He looked down below him. The trees were like ants, so small and inferior, just like himself. It was nothing but a green batch of life without a purpose but to grow up and stay still.

And Naruto, without thinking much about it, wanted to join them down there.

So he let go of the Fourth's nose and fell.

He'd be lying if he said he hadn't imagined this moment before. Over and over, he had thought of the wind in his face, billowing his clothes and hair above him. For so many years, Naruto imagined the high of adrenaline as he freefell down the highest cliff.

He'd thought about is so many times, in so many different ways. From a simple head injury to the pain that he deserved.

Or maybe he hadn't thought about it, but wanted to imagine that he had because suicide was not one of the things he imagined for his life.

But this was nothing like those dreams. Instead, terror swept through him, and Naruto wrapped his arms around his head. The adrenaline sent him into a whirlwind of fear, as if he were back in that orphanage with that lady and falling down, down, down. He felt his stomach flip inside his throat. The memory of him and Sasuke laughing together as they watched Kiba try and fail to climb a tree with a dog on his back washed through his mind. Sakura sat beside them, of course. She hid her giggles behind her hand, but in that moment it was only him and Sasuke.

It was _always_ him and Sasuke.

And in a final decision, he decided he did not want to fall.

And as he hit the ground, he thought of all the things he had done to Sasuke these past few years. From the way he left with hardly a word to the way he ignored him for the past month for no reason at all. And suddenly, Naruto welcomed death into his arms.

However, death seems to have lost its way, because Naruto woke up surrounded by blood, alone, with only the silver moon to cast its light.

It was morning when he fell.

Had no one gone looking for him?

* * *

Damn, I can't believe we've actually got this far. I've had the last scene planned since the beginning of this story, and its just so surreal to have finally reached it.


	32. Chapter 32

Naruto lay on the rocky earth, a pool of blood wetting his already bloodied clothes and skin. His cheek was pressed down onto a cold liquid, and his side felt as though someone had punctured a hole through it. In every crevice of his body—from underneath his nails to the gaping hole on his head—there was crimson both wet and dry. Some of it was sticky and stretched his skin as Naruto tried to moved. He gasped as his body quivered and jerked when he attempted to push himself up. His wrist was bent at an odd angle, and everything hurt.

It seemed Kyuubi didn't heal everything, only enough to ensure that Naruto stayed alive. His arms wobbled as he tried to sit up, and Naruto found himself falling face first into the floor before he ever managed to get onto his knees.

 _That bastard._ He thought.

The least it could have done was heal everything.

 **I'm trying, you idiot. You're lucky you didn't splatter as you predicted you would.**

Naruto gasped. His breathing was a mere rasp, so quiet and weak. If he didn't know for certain that Kyuubi would not let him die, then he would have assumed that he was nearing his end. As it was, he choked on the blood and vomit that swam through his throat and coughed it all up. He couldn't see anything with the darkness of night shrouding the world, but even with the cold blood and vomit beneath him, Naruto couldn't bring himself to get back up. So he laid back down on the uncomfortable rocks and closed his eyes, desperately trying to calm his racing heart and troubled breathing. The dirt dug into his skin and attached to the blood on his body like glue. For half a second, he wondered if there were any open wounds that could get infected. But it wasn't like Kyuubi couldn't heal those by morning, so he let the thought pass.

He took a deep breath. Maybe by the time he woke up, someone would have found him.

Maybe someone cared enough to look.

* * *

It was still dark when he opened his eyes again. The sun had yet to rise, and his body felt much lighter than before. The blood was still caked to every inch of his body, but it wasn't nearly as wet now. It had dried and became a sticky mess that stretched Naruto's skin when he moved.

Unlike earlier, sitting up was a much easier feat. His side protested such a movement with an agonizing punch. But even with an unsteady balance, Naruto managed to slowly pick himself off the ground. The blood that had yet to dry dripped from his clothes and hair. One of his eyes was swollen shut, and he pressed his fingers gently to it. There was a lump beside his eye, and no matter how hard he tried, it wouldn't open.

He shook his head. Kyuubi would heal it later. Right now, he just needed a shower.

Walking, as it turned out, wasn't as easy as it should have been. His shoes must have slipped off as he fell, and he stumbled through a barrage of rocks and dirt. He didn't look back to see all the blood—if the darkness would allow him to see it—but he knew for certain that the dried and partly wet pool of red would be darkening into brown soon enough.

A shuddery breath left his throat, and Naruto wrapped an arm around his stomach.

He'd-he'd tried to kill himself.

He swallowed, heaving the deepest breath he'd taken in a long time as shudders wracked his spine. It was a terrifying thought, one he hadn't expected nor did he mind too much, because as creepy as it was to know what he'd almost done, it would be such a relief for his existence to simply cease.

Especially if it meant all this suffering could end.

 _But it wasn't painless_.

He craned his body until he was facing the monument. It truly was a high jump, one that would have killed an ordinary person. But Naruto wasn't ordinary. He had a demon sealed within him, and Kyuubi would never let him die so easily.

He should have known this would happen. Now there was physical pain to add to the mental.

 _At least it'll heal soon._

That was the only thing Kyuubi was good for.

The village was silent save for the almost imperceptible footsteps of shinobi on guard. Their shadows ran past the rooftops and pathways as swift as a rogue deer. If Naruto didn't pay attention, he probably wouldn't have noticed them. But he had to make sure no one saw him. If they knew what he'd done, or had the awful idea of telling on him for walking around cloaked in blood, then he would be in far more trouble than he already was.

And it was as he took a turn towards his apartment that he felt a hand clamp onto his shoulder. Naruto jumped, whipping his head behind him only to meet a familiar mane of silver hair. He gasped, the mask on the man's face scaring him for half a second before he truly processed who was with him, and he sagged in relief as he realized it was only Kakashi.

And Kakashi was a man who hadn't done _anything_ , so he was no more a threat than Iruka.

 _Still a problem, though._ He thought as he took a wary step back.

"Are you okay?" Kakashi said.

Naruto evaded eye contact with him, the shame and humiliation of what he'd done stronger now that someone was here to see the results. His clothes were matted to his skin and covered in nothing but red. He could only imagine what his face looked it. He'd slept in both blood and vomit, after all. It couldn't have looked even the slightest bit decent. And Kakashi's eyes widened ever so slightly as his gaze looked him up and down. If even Kakashi had an expression at seeing the blood over him, then he must have looked like a disaster.

"Kyuubi healed most of it." He said, giving Kakashi a wry smile, hoping to God it was enough for Kakashi to leave him alone. "I'm just going home now."

Kakashi furrowed his brow and leaned down to reach his height more. But Naruto had grown taller in these three years, and he barely had to bend his knees. "Tsunade's a doctor. I can take you to her." Kakashi said.

Naruto shook his head. A doctor would only ask questions about how he'd acquired these injuries and lost so much blood. And those were questions that he didn't want to answer.

"No. No I'm good." He said, and closed his eyes as a wave of dizziness washed over him. "But... maybe you can walk me home?"

As much as he desperately wanted to be alone right now, he also wanted someone nearby to hold, to talk to. And with Konoha asleep right now, Kakashi was the only person who had a semblance of kindness inside them.

He sighed. That kindness may not have shown itself when he was younger, but at least he was concerned now.

Kakashi nodded, and clasped a hand around his shoulder. Naruto leaned into his body as they walked, not realizing just how tired he was until he had aid in getting home. His bones felt as though they'd gone to hell and back. Kakashi's hands squeezed his shoulders slightly, especially when Naruto closed his eyes and almost fell. But the more they continued forward, the more Naruto tried to concentrate, and it became easier to force his body to move.

"What happened?" Kakashi said.

Naruto burrowed his face into Kakashi's jacket. "Doesn't matter." He muttered, even as the burn of tears stung his eyes.

No one had looked for him.

"Did someone hurt you?"

Naruto nodded, cracking his good eye open. "Someone's always hurting me."

Kakashi came to an abrupt stop, and Naruto jerked forward until Kakashi held him steady.

"Who?"

Naruto blinked owlishly. Kakashi no longer held onto his shoulder. But instead looked him straight in the eyes. There was a burning intensity in the one visible eye he had, as if he were about to receive an answer to a long awaited question.

And Naruto answered without the slightest bit of hesitation.

"You, Sarutobi, now Tsunade, I guess. And the whole village. Is there anyone that doesn't want to hurt me?"

Orochimaru didn't lay a finger on him until he discovered Naruto had lied about Sasuke. So in many ways, Orochimaru did nothing wrong. Naruto merely got what was coming to him for being dishonest.

So there was one person, he supposed. It was a shame Naruto would never be welcomed back.

"Tsunade is kind, Naruto, and Sasuke loves you too much to hurt you on purpose. Have you tried talking to him? I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation."

"There's not."

"He doesn't even know why you got so mad at him."

"He's helping Carelady."

Which was completely unacceptable. If Sasuke could do that, then what else was he capable of? He'd already dragged Naruto back to this village and got him banished from a Orochimaru's lab. How much more damage would Sasuke do? How many times would Naruto forgive his crimes against him only to get hurt once more?

How long until he stopped considering Sasuke a friend?

"So?"

He bit his lip. Kakashi didn't know, either? Just how blind was everyone with Carelady? It should be obvious the kind of person she was, so why did everyone seem to side with her?

"So, she's horrible. And not only to me. How can Sasuke support someone like that?"

How could Sasuke do that to him?

Weren't they supposed to be friends?

"Maybe you should ask him. He's still rather upset at what happened between you two."

Naruto shook his head. "I don't want to."

A knock brought him more into awareness, and Naruto suddenly realized that they'd continued walking without his notice, and it was not his apartment Kakashi had brought him to, but the doors to the Hokage's office.

He jerked his arms to push himself away, but Kakashi merely held tighter. Not enough to hurt him, but enough to keep him still.

"I don't think you should move too much." Kakashi said.

Naruto craned his head to meet his eye. He was supposed to go home to shower, not to meet with the Hokage again. She couldn't help him as she claimed she could. No one knew what he needed, and every time Naruto tried to explain, they never listened.

Sasuke sure as hell hadn't on the way here.

He'd even told Naruto that things were better. That the villagers _liked_ him.

 _Lying bastard._

Unforgivable.

"Why am I here?" He said.

Kakashi sighed. "Tsunade-sama's a doctor. And if Kyuubi hasn't healed you by now, then I assume you have some serious injuries."

A grunt left his lips. It wasn't like Kyuubi wouldn't have everything handled by morning. Sure, his body hurt, and yes, he'd tried to kill himself. But what good would a doctor do? Kyuubi could heal him a thousand times better than any human.

"I only fell. Just—just a few scrapes and bruises." Naruto said.

Kakashi shook his head as he walked through the cool, mahogany doors. Tsunade was asleep at her desk, another bottle of liquor half empty clasped in her hand. Light snores emitted from her throat, and Naruto would have ran if Kakashi didn't have a hand against his back.

"I don't want to be here." He said, "she's not—I don't like her."

But Kakashi ignored him and shouted her name. It didn't take long for her to wake with a jump and a startled yelp. After catching sight of them, her eyes narrowed into a glare, which quickly turned to concern as her gaze landed on Naruto.

"The hell happened to you?" She said.

And Naruto glared straight back, daring her to try to help him as a familiar rage nestled in his chest.


	33. Chapter 33

Okay so, due to the fact that therapists don't appear to exist in canon, I will be making Inoichi a therapist.

* * *

Naruto rolled his eyes. He was perfectly fine. The injuries acquired from the fall were minor. Only some bruises and scrapes, just as he told Kakashi. Sure, there was a lot of a blood. But what would they expect after a fall from that height? His body should have splattered! And he didn't even know why it didn't.

"I'm fine, Tsunade. Kakashi's just being an asshole again."

Tsunade's jaw clenched. Her blonde hair was messy, no longer tied in two pig tails as it was earlier, and her cheeks were rosy again. She blocked the exit Naruto could have taken through the window, and Kakashi blocked the door. So even if he did try to run, which Naruto was unlikely to do with their strength against his, he wouldn't have been able to escape.

"Not with that much blood you're not." Tsunade said as she stormed over to him. "Where does it hurt? And what happened?"

Naruto pursed his lips. Like he'd tell her anything, especially since she wanted him to have a goddamn therapist. Whoever she hired was probably some villager who had it out for him, and nothing good would come of any kind of counseling when everyone hated the demon inside him.

"I only fell." He said as he glanced down to his bare feet. They were littered in blood and dirt, the rocks that punctured them already healed as Kyuubi now worked on the smaller injuries.

Tsunade gave him an incredulous look, taking the back of her hand and placing it to his forehead. Her brows furrowed as she left it there, seemingly taking his temperature as Naruto had seen hundreds of parents do before.

"You're a little warm. Kakashi, inform the nurses and doctors at the nearest hospital. We'll be right behind you."

Kakashi nodded before he disappeared in a puff of smoke—a technique Naruto had almost forgotten about.

Tsunade grabbed him behind his back and hefted him into the air. Her arms were wrapped around his shoulders and legs, keeping him trapped against her chest as she started stalking out the door. Naruto let out a small scream as his legs left the floor, and his breathing quickened as he realized she intended to carry him to a place that would never help him. It didn't matter how injured he might have been. There wasn't a soul in Konoha that cared enough to heal any injury of his no matter how big or small, so there was absolutely no point in even going.

Let alone getting carried like a ragdoll.

"What are you doing?" He said.

Kakashi had let him walk. He might have needed some aid, but he never even asked if Naruto should be carried.

And Tsunade? She was out of her mind to do this.

"Let me go. Kyuubi's healed most of it. It's just old blood and bruises. Nothing to worry about."

But Tsunade didn't answer, only continued moving forward at a faster and faster pace. She tried not to jostle him too much, and her hands were steady as she carried him across the hall.

"Come on, you old hag. I walked fine on the way here, and I was _supposed_ to go home to shower."

 _No one was supposed to see this._

She slowed to a stop, her gaze turning into a fierce glare as her brown eyes met him. Naruto swallowed. What had he done this time?

"What did you call me?"

Naruto blinked, quickly realizing that she'd been caught off guard, and gave her a smile that would no doubt freak her out.

"An old hag, you wrinkly, aging woman."

Her mouth gaped open, arms lowering him ever so slightly. Naruto smirked. So that was how he should play this, huh? Maybe if he insulted her enough, made her hate him even more than anyone else, she would quit all these attempts to fix him when there was nothing wrong with him in the first place.

 **Bitch, you need help.** Kyuubi said, **take it while she offers.**

 _No_.

"Well, I oughta—" Tsunade said as she shook her head slowly, almost menacingly. "I am _not_ old."

The arm holding up his legs lowered until he touched the ground. But the one keeping his shoulders upright left him dangling at an awkward angle.

And when Tsunade snapped her head up and grabbed him by the legs once more, he knew he had failed.

She frowned, her eyes narrowed and downcast as she saw what he had tried to do. "If you weren't so hurt," she said, voice low and cold. "I'd drop you and watch you fall for that little stunt."

Naruto's throat clogged up. What a threat to make. To know that she'd drop him and let him fall onto the cold, tile floor in rage at being called old.

It was something Carelady would do.

"Sorry." He said, gazing down at his legs as he felt every bob of her steps.

She didn't say a word, and Naruto preferred it that way.

* * *

They had him dress into a hospital gown after a quick shower. Tsunade had been surprised by the lack of injuries on his body, but did take notice to a broken wrist and ribs. Apparently, he was at risk of a punctured lung, and Naruto wondered how long broken bones could take to heal. It couldn't be too long for Kyuubi to have healed so much of it by now. After all, most of his bones would have shattered in that fall.

 **Not if I protected you from it.**

Naruto's stiffened. That... explained why he was still alive and not splattered in a puddle of flesh, blood, and organs.

The door creaked open slowly, and Naruto stood up from his spot on the bed and walked to the middle of the room. He couldn't be sitting when the doctors came to check on him. Not when the only time the door wasn't locked was when they were in the room, and if he were sitting so far away from that door, then he had no chance of getting out of this goddamn hospital.

 _They even took my clothes._

Hospitals fucking sucked.

Tsunade walked in with scrubs on and a pair of gloves stretched over her hands. Her hair was tied once more, although it seemed a tad damp. Perhaps she'd taken a shower to sober up from all the alcohol. It couldn't have been easy to get into doctor mode after so much to drink.

But she shouldn't have been drinking on the job in the first place.

"Where's Sarutobi?" He said as he crossed his arms.

He hadn't forgotten what she said about dropping him.

And now, he wanted more than anything to wrap his arms around the only person to have ever cared for him.

"Sarutobi?"

Naruto nodded. Why was she repeating him? It wasn't like this was a difficult question. He might have gone to some retirement home or simply wanted to live out the rest of his days in peace.

She narrowed her eyes as she strode over until she was only a foot in front of him. Rather than bending down to reach his height as Kakashi did, Tsunade simply looked down at him with eyes that were neither warm nor cold, and it drove him mad as he tried to figure out what she was feeling right now.

"Did Orochimaru keep you isolated?"

Naruto blinked. Where the hell did that question come from? Orochimaru wouldn't have kept him isolated. He was kinder than anyone in this godforsaken village, and had allowed him to roam the forests and wander the neighboring village.

"Not really." He said, "I visited a small village a lot."

Tsunade heaved a deep breath, her posture stiffening the same way his had earlier that day. "Sarutobi is dead."

Naruto's mouth opened, a quiet, small whimper leaving his lips as her words rang through his mind. That... couldn't be possible, could it? Sarutobi might have been old, but he wasn't _that_ old, and he couldn't have been killed either. Not when he was the strongest person in the entire village.

But then how how could he have—

"I—I'm not underst—standing..."

Tsunade shook her head slowly, the frown marring her face growing as tears welled in his eyes.

Naruto's last words to him were those of hate.

He gasped, his legs wobbling, and he reached forward to clasp onto Tsunade's shirt as he felt the strength of his body leave him. Tsunade's arms reached around him as a sob ripped through Naruto's throat. She let her thumbs rub soothing circles over his shoulder-blades, as if that would do anything to help ease the guilt of not knowing and of hating Sarutobi when that was the last thing he would ever say to him.

He hadn't known—he couldn't have, otherwise Naruto never would have hated him all these years.

 **Yes you would. He deserves every bit of hatred you can carry.**

"I'm sorry you're only just finding out." Tsunade said, "I thought Orochimaru would have told you."

"But—but he can't—"

His voice cracked as his breath quickened with uneven gasps. He could barely breath, and his ribs burned horribly and he just _couldn't breath._

"Is there anyway I can help you instead?"

Naruto shook his head. Tsunade's scrubs were soaked in his tears as he cried against her, but she never let him go, even though he must have been a nasty mess of snot and tears and spit.

 _I tried to kill myself._

The thought made his throat burn.

And maybe he should try again now that the only person to have cared for him was dead.

Except Sarutobi had hurt him like everyone else, and in many ways, he'd been so much worse than the villagers.

He shook his head again. "No." He said, voice on the verge of cracking. "No... I... He was never good to me, anyways. It doesn't matter."

Snakes slithered into his lungs and constricted his breathing. There was hardly a feeling of normalcy left inside him—and that was if he had _ever_ felt normal—His throat was burning with tears and heavy breaths, and his head throbbed with a fire that melted behind his eyes. Naruto's hands trembled as he clenched Tsunade's scrubs harder.

Sarutobi couldn't be dead. Not after all this time.

 _I never said goodbye_.

And Naruto had hated him the last time he saw him.

Naruto _still_ hated him.

"Sarutobi was an idiot, but I find it unlikely, nigh impossible, that he did anything with the intent to hurt you."

"So?"

"So," Tsunade drawled on, "maybe you can make peace with him now that he's gone."

Naruto's stomach churned. Make peace with a dead man? But he couldn't even talk to him, and Naruto couldn't even make peace with himself, let alone someone who had hurt him so much.

"I spent years being mad at him." He said, pulling away and scratching at his eyes. Tsunade had bent down to his height at some point, and no longer looked as if she were merely his doctor, "and he spent years tormenting me. Forcing me to be something I'm not. You can't just come in here and tell me none of that was real."

"I didn't say it wasn't real. I said it wasn't his intention—"

"Why does that matter?"

Tsunade opened and closed her mouth, looking for the right words, searching for the right answer. But Naruto knew that whatever she said couldn't erase what Sarutobi had done. No excuse she could format would change _anything_.

"Because The Third would never hurt you on purpose."

Naruto bit his lip. Again with the talk of intentions. Sarutobi had had the same chat with him about Sasuke so very long ago.

That had been the moment that led them to becoming friends.

 _He wasn't all bad._

"But he did hurt me, Tsunade. He did. And his intentions will never change that."

Tsunade gave a small nod. "I see." She said. "Do you want to take a seat? I can get someone in here to talk with you."

Naruto furrowed his brows. Talk with him about what?

"No." He said. "I—I think I'll just go home."

Tsunade frowned. "I can't discharge you just yet. Not until I know those ribs won't puncture anything."

Naruto frowned. "Then—then I want to go to bed."

She nodded. "I'll turn off the lights on the way out."

* * *

"Naruto, this is Inoichi. He's the therapist I wanted you to see." Tsunade said. It had been days since Naruto had tried to kill himself, and in that time, he kept himself locked inside his apartment. Sasuke had come by a couple times and complained about the lack of food in his pantry. Apparently, Naruto needed to eat more. But he would have a meltdown before that would happen.

"I don't want this—this therapy you want me to do—I don't want it."

 _But I do need it._

Kyuubi had been pestering him about how unnatural it was to try to kill yourself, and he had gone on a rant about everything unnatural about Naruto. From the way his emotions spiraled out of control to the way he could hate someone for something that might not even be their fault. Naruto hadn't known those things weren't felt in others, but Kyuubi seemed certain that Naruto should see this therapist, and he had reluctantly agreed after hearing the list of reasons why Kyuubi believed Naruto was the way he was.

That... hadn't been pleasant to hear, and Naruto had had several breakdowns as Kyuubi went down the list of crimes committed against him.

It made him hate Konoha even more.

But still, the idea of talking to someone about it was terrifying. What if they judged him? Hated him? What if they were just like everyone else?

And they were doing it in _his_ apartment. If Sarutobi saw something unhealthy about his stuffed toy collection, then how would a therapist feel about it?

"You lost someone dear to you." Tsunade said, "Inoichi only wants to help you cope with it."

Inoichi was a blond man with blue eyes. He looked similar to Ino, and perhaps they were related somehow. But Naruto ignored that as he watched Inoichi's gaze travel over his plants, which Sasuke had returned, and his stuffed animals. His chest clenched at the idea of what he thought. Sarutobi did not like Naruto's stuffed animal collection. How would someone trained in the human mind react to it?

 _You don't have to_ let _him react._

"Sarutobi was not dear to me." He said, lacing the words with venom, "He was a cruel man, and I don't care that he's dead."

He almost laughed at those words. Naruto had been grieving all week. He slept more than he should, and some nights were filled with him walking aimlessly through the apartment. Sasuke had been right about him not eating. Naruto had noticed that he ate less. But it didn't matter if he lost weight or sleep. Sarutobi was dead either way.

"I understand that—" Tsunade said.

"I don't care what you understand."

 _Leave me alone._

He truly did not what to do this.

 **That doesn't matter.**

Tsunade pursed her lips. "Please, Naruto. Take a seat."

"No."

"Naruto—"

"I'm not a ninja. You can't make me do _anything_."

Tsunade heaved a deep breath as she crossed her arms and pursed her lips. "You haven't yet resigned."

 _Excuse me?_

He narrowed his eyes, the thought of letting Kyuubi possess him swimming through his mind. Inoichi he could kill with that power, but Tsunade? She might be harder, as she was the new Hokage, and that made her the strongest woman in the village.

But Kyuubi could take her down eventually. She couldn't last long against a demon of unlimited chakra. He could so easily kill them both and destroy this village.

He bit his lips, his fingers twitching in anticipation as the familiar feel of dark chakra swam through his stomach.

But it was his body, and Naruto wasn't letting that _thing_ possess him.

"I don't care." He said, "I'm not letting you do to me what Sarutobi did. I won't _let_ you."

Tsunade closed her eyes and pressed two fingers to her temple. "I don't intend to—"

"Intentions don't matter!"

Tsunade moaned, and then muttered something Naruto couldn't hear, and rage overtook him as he stomped one foot into the wooden floors, nearly breaking it as he accidentally let his chakra focus in that area. And he pulled at his hair as he gave his own moan of frustration, almost a scream similar to the one he made on the monument.

Everyone said the same thing. They never _meant_ to hurt him. It wasn't on _purpose_. Everything they did to him was an _accident_.

"I can't take this anymore."

Couldn't stand for it.

So he looked them both in the eyes, a sudden courage coming in with the rage. Tsunade and Inoichi stood close to each other, and Naruto took a step forward as he glared at them both.

"Just get out. Both of you." He said, breath growing heavy as his stomach knotted.

They would never understand. Not Tsunade. Not Inoichi. _No one._

Except Kyuubi.

He swallowed. Why was it that the only being who could possibly understand was the reason for all the hurt?

"Please. I don't—don't want you here."

He wrapped his arms around his stomach, desperately wishing they'd listen as he clenched his eyes shut. But no one had listened before, so why would they start now? Tsunade would go to the ends of the Elemental Nations to get him to talk about what had happened, and Inoichi would—would...

God, Naruto didn't even know this man. Why did he have to talk about such personal matters with a stranger?

"Please..." He said again.

 _Just leave me alone._

But he knew that no one would ever do that for him.


	34. Chapter 34

Naruto heaved a deep breath. Two adults, one suspiciously kind and the other too quiet, were standing in his apartment asking him to talk about feelings and that bloodied fall he'd taken yesterday. Neither of them adhered to his pleas for them to leave, even though he begged them with tears and all. And his limbs must have reached for a stuffed toy as some point, as he now held a dog to his chest and crushed it with his fingertips. The pressure to breakdown and fall onto the tiled floor was a tempting thought. Maybe if he pretended to pass out, they'd finally leave him alone.

Or keep him captive even more.

"What do you want from me?"

His stuffed dog wasn't comforting enough. He needed something real. Something that could understand everything Naruto had ever gone though.

Someone who wouldn't judge him no matter what.

 _That person doesn't exist._

They would _never_ exist.

"We only want to help." Tsunade said.

Naruto snapped his head up, his nails biting into the stuffed toy until the fabric ripped. "If that were true." He said, "then you would leave."

Tsunade turned her gaze to Inoichi, who shrugged and gave her a look that explained that he knew just as much as her, and she shook her head.

"I suppose we could come back in a few hours."

Except it wasn't them that came back.

It was Sasuke.

* * *

"What's been going on?" Sasuke said as he laid bags of groceries on Naruto's kitchen table. After Tsunade sent him over, Sasuke had insisted on coming by every day. And no matter how far away their places were, Sasuke always knocked at one of the earliest hours.

The first day he'd come by had been a week ago, and it happened mere hours after Tsunade left. That day, Naruto had vehemently accused him of only following the Hokage's orders, and Sasuke had admitted that to be true, except it wasn't the only reason.

But Sasuke never did inform him of the other reasons, if there truly _were_ any.

"You haven't left the apartment all week."

He couldn't stop thinking about Sarutobi. Of the mix of hate and devastation he felt towards the news of his death. He still didn't quite know what had happened. Of how he could have died. Sarutobi was the Hokage who lived the longest. What could have happened that would end him so soon?

 _Old age_. He thought.

But it couldn't be that simple, could it?

Maybe he should ask someone. Sasuke would most certainly have the answer.

"Just not sleeping well." He said, "why'd you bring groceries?"

Sasuke gave him an incredulous look. "You've hardly got any food."

 _Oh_.

That was... really nice of him.

"I haven't really had an appetite. You should take it back."

Sasuke blinked owlishly, and Naruto fidgeted. He seemed... different than usual, as if Sasuke were trying to fit the last piece of a puzzle together but it wasn't coming along. It made him feel awkward. Because chances were, Naruto _was_ that puzzle, and he was the piece that just didn't fit.

Sasuke grabbed the food and stuffed it in the fridge and pantry. When Naruto came to help, Sasuke shoved his hands away and muttered something along the lines of "I've got it," so Naruto was left standing there as he watched Sasuke work.

He didn't like it. Sasuke had been far too different. Even when they traveled together for a month, he was the typical boy that Naruto knew and loved. But this was someone completely different.

This was someone who wanted answers.

"Did you get in a fight?" Sasuke said.

Naruto whipped his head up. Sasuke had finished putting the groceries away, and had taken to staring down at him as he'd done a million times in the past.

Naruto scoffed. Sasuke was _always_ staring at him.

"I fell." He said, "from a really high place."

 _And it wasn't an accident._

And he would do it all over again if given the chance.

Sasuke furrowed his brows, concern melting his typical emotionless face. "Be more careful, then. I don't want you getting hurt."

Naruto nodded, but he didn't know if he could keep that promise.

And a question rose in his mind, one that Kakashi had told him to ask on that fateful night when he jumped. And before he could stop himself from asking, the words were out of his throat and into the air.

"Why were you at the orphanage?"

Sasuke craned his head to the floor, his hands clenching his trousers before he stuffed them in his pockets.

"The caretaker always seemed nice, and the kids seemed to like her." He said, "it was only recently..." he shook his head. "My therapist said helping out orphans might be good for me, so that's what I did. I didn't know until a week ago that the caretaker hurt you."

Naruto heaved a deep breath. _Classified as a genius my ass._ But Carelady had been a master at feigning kindness, and the kids would never let on that she was hurting them in fear of retaliation. So it made sense, however much he didn't want to accept it, that Sasuke would have helped her so long as he didn't know.

At least Sasuke didn't help her _knowing_ she had hurt him.

"I haven't gone back since."

Naruto frowned, bruising his bottom lip. "Well, the kids could use someone nice, so..."

Sasuke shook his head. "I already asked Kakashi to take my place there. It's hard to go in there now that I know."

Naruto blinked. If working at an orphanage helped Sasuke with his own issues, then who was Naruto to stop him? He may have been working with Carelady, but it wasn't like Sasuke _was_ Carelady. He would never hurt Naruto on purpose. And for him to have destroyed that... it was as if something had smashed into his gut and filled him with guilt, because now Sasuke needed to find something else to occupy his time.

"Sorry."

Sasuke furrowed his brows. "Don't be."

But he had to be sorry, because it was Naruto's fault Sasuke didn't want to go back. And if he had just left well enough alone, then Sasuke would happily be sweeping the floors of the orphanage.

He bit his lip. Sasuke had finished putting all the groceries away, and Naruto wondered how he knew where everything belonged. He recalled when he first moved back here how everything was dust free. It had surprised him because someone had to have cleaned that up, and if Tsunade said no one lived here, then chances were, this place had truly remained unoccupied.

At least, to her knowledge.

 _But who dusted?_

It couldn't have been any of his classmates. They didn't care enough to bother, and only Sakura and Sasuke knew where he lived.

But Sasuke wouldn't have kept Naruto's place clean, would he?

No. He couldn't have.

Maybe Tsunade came in every now and then to ensure it never got destroyed.

* * *

Sasuke was here again, in his apartment with more bags of groceries. The days passed in a blur. Naruto often found himself staring at nothing for hours upon hours or going through repetitive motions of chores that had already been done. Only when a knock thudded against the door did his concentration break, and Sasuke never failed to bring Naruto something nice.

Today it was a stuffed fish.

Naruto bit his lip as he took the fish by its tail. It was blue and purple, with fur as soft as the hair upon Sasuke's head. Its eyes were black and beady, and it reminded Naruto of Sasuke's own eyes.

 _When they're not red._

"Thanks." He muttered, and carefully placed the fish into the family of sea creatures against the back wall.

Sasuke shrugged. "Everything going well?"

Naruto furrowed his brows. Was everything good? He'd been more at peace than usual, but that was probably because he rarely left the safety of the apartment to venture into the world of Konoha. It was nice having Sasuke's company. And now that the Hokage had stopped pestering him about therapy of all things, he could rest assured that he didn't have to do anything he didn't want to.

"I guess it is."

There wasn't much happening anymore. It was just him and Sasuke now.

The rest of Konoha didn't exist as far as he cared.

"What's therapy like?" Naruto asked. It had been bothering him ever since Sasuke admitted to taking part of it. Therapy didn't seem like the kind of thing Sasuke would do, let alone keep doing. And yet he went every Monday, and Naruto had to wonder why. "is it—do they judge you? Or... or do you have to talk about things you don't wanna talk about?"

Sasuke shook his head. The bags under his eyes were heavy. He must not have been sleeping well, just like Naruto. Maybe it was because he didn't have the therapeutic sweeping of an orphanage anymore, or maybe it was because he traveled to Naruto's apartment everyday and it was tiring. Naruto didn't know, and he didn't dare ask in fear of the answer.

After all, if Sasuke wasn't sleeping well because of his travels to Naruto's apartment, then it wasn't right for him to continue coming over.

But he didn't want Sasuke to stop. Having him here everyday was comforting. It reminded Naruto that he wasn't entirely alone in this rotten village. Sasuke would always be here, and he would always be by Naruto's side.

So he never asked, and he hoped Sasuke didn't mind.

"You talk about anything you want. Doesn't matter if it's about a cat or the fact that you had a breakdown. The therapist won't, or _shouldn't_ , make you talk about anything you're not ready for."

"Okay."

That... didn't seem so bad. Naruto didn't have to talk about any of the things he didn't want to talk about, and they couldn't force him to explain why he was so bloodied that day over a week ago. He could just sit there and hope that everything would go well. It worked for Sasuke, after all. Maybe it would also work for him.

Maybe it wouldn't be as bad as he imagined.

And maybe it would be worse.

"Can you stay the night?" Naruto said. He scratched the back of his head, eyes evading Sasuke's face. "It's just—I don't want to be alone... right now." His voice faded into a whisper. He wasn't sure what Sasuke would say. Naruto had turned down Sasuke's invitation to stay the night when they were genin. He didn't know if it was too much to ask or if Sasuke was even interested—

"I'll do whatever you need."

And Naruto closed his eyes, the relief of knowing he wouldn't be alone tonight so great that he finally felt as though he could rest.

* * *

Sasuke was still asleep when Naruto pried his eyes open. His mouth was slightly agape, light wheezes breathing through his nose. His skin was as pale and smooth as Naruto remembered. He had to admit, Sasuke had become handsome in the years that had passed. His cheekbones were slightly too high, as if he wasn't eating properly, but that was something Naruto would face soon enough, so who was he to judge on something like that?

He felt the warmth of Sasuke's skin radiating. It was rare that Naruto let someone be so close to him. They'd decided to share the bed after both Naruto and Sasuke tried the sofa and realized only back problems would result from sleeping on that. So they'd agreed to sleep together as they did at Orochimaru's. And now it was Naruto who stared at Sasuke. His face was so peaceful when he slept. It held none of the begrudging tension that he carried at all hours of the day, and Naruto let his fingertips hover over that skin, wanting desperately to touch it, but not wanting to wake him.

 _But maybe, if I get closer..._

It was hard to admit to himself, because Naruto never yearned for physical contact, but the thought of hugging someone sounded so comforting right now.

So he slid closer to Sasuke's body and nuzzled his head into his chest. His eyes were half-lidded as he moved, and Sasuke fidgeted before relaxing once more. It shouldn't be long before he woke now. Sasuke was a damn good ninja, and Naruto could only hope that he wouldn't be too angry at knowing Naruto had cuddled with him as he slept. Sasuke seemed to enjoy physical contact just as much as Naruto, and although he'd initiated that kiss back in the forest, Naruto knew that Sasuke wasn't one to always enjoy such things.

Even if it _had_ felt good.

Sasuke's arm slid over Naruto's back, cupping his shoulder and pushing him further into his body. Naruto smiled. If Sasuke were awake enough, he never would have allowed this. Not when Naruto was the initiator. But since he wasn't...

And because it was Sasuke...

Naruto bit his lip. He recalled that moment in the forest when Sasuke kissed him. It had been a moment of spontaneity. Naruto didn't question why Sasuke did that, nor did he particularly want the answer. All he knew was that he didn't mind the way Sasuke's lips shuffled against him, and he certainly enjoyed the way they bucked their hips together.

So he craned his head upwards, staring into those beautiful locks of black. He wanted to see Sasuke's eyes, both the red of the sharingan and the black of his normal eye color. But with closed eyes, there was only the pale, white skin for Naruto to see.

"Hmm." Naruto said, trailing his nail softly over Sasuke's exposed neck. For a reason he couldn't explain, his teeth were nicked with the urge to bite that perfect skin. Maybe it was Kyuubi's animal instincts, or maybe he just wanted Sasuke to suffer a bit, but the longer he stared at that neck, the more he wanted to sink his teeth into it.

So he pressed his head forward, planting, soft, gentle kisses as a start. It wouldn't due to upset Sasuke by biting him. That certainly wouldn't bode well with him, and he pressed his body even deeper into Sasuke's, wrapping one of his legs over Sasuke's hips as he trailed his lips down a sweet and salty collarbone.

If Naruto has woken up to Sasuke kissing him, he would have freaked. But Sasuke was not Naruto, and although it didn't take him long to wake, he did not panic or jerk as Naruto would have were their roles reversed.

Sasuke was, after all, the one that initiating this kind of touching.

"What are you doing?" Sasuke said.

"Kissing you."

"I can see that. But why?"

"Why not?"

Sasuke furrowed his brows. "While that is an excellent question, the last time we did this you were confused."

"And now I'm not."

He had asked Tsunade about it, just as Sasuke told him to. And while that explanation was awkward, it was also rather educational. Tsunade even went through a list of reasons why people would have sex, and a distraction was one of them.

And a distraction was everything Naruto needed

"Hmm." Sasuke said, then proceeded grab Naruto's chin and force his gaze upwards until their eyes met. "You're lying."

Naruto shook his head. "I want you to trust me."

 _I need that distraction._

And this provided a new, pleasurable warmth to build up within his body.

Or, it _would_ once Sasuke started reciprocating.

"Maybe later." Sasuke said. "You should go back to sleep."

Naruto jerked his head. It was everything he'd expected. Sasuke didn't want Naruto touching him, and the rejection whirled in his mind until Naruto backed off and flipped to the other side.

It wasn't like he needed someone to hold him. He just wanted a small distraction for a while, and he could find plenty of other methods for that.


	35. Chapter 35

So, surprise surprise. It's the last chapter... I didn't expect that either.

* * *

He agreed to go to therapy.

He wasn't sure what brought the decision on. Maybe it was because Sasuke seemed to enjoy it, or perhaps it was simply because he didn't have to talk about anything he didn't want to. He wondered briefly if he would run into Ino, as Inoichi _would_ be giving the session. They were supposed to meet in a couple hours, and Naruto would have to leave the apartment to get to the office.

Sasuke had given a brief explanation on what to expect. The first session was merely getting to know each other, a time where the therapist could analyze you and figure out where to begin. It was Naruto's job to talk about problems he wanted to focus on, but other than that, Naruto was completely in the dark about it.

Therapy didn't even exist in Konohagakure until a couple years ago. Was Inoichi even qualified for this?

 _Probably not._

But that didn't mean he shouldn't give it a chance.

Or maybe it did.

Naruto furrowed his brows and shook his head. Sasuke would get here any minute, just as he'd done for the past two weeks. It was some of the most peaceful days he'd ever had. There were no torture victims for him to heal. No blood got stuck between his fingertips. Konoha didn't even bother with him, anymore. They just left him be in the apartment and never said a word to him.

And with Sasuke here, it was even better. Because now he wasn't completely alone. _Mostly_ alone, yes. But he had one person who's loyalty surpassed anything Naruto had ever seen before. And that seemed to turn the gray of his world into the slightest orange.

He loved Sasuke more than anything else. Loved him for being here. For not abandoning him when Naruto left. For staying despite everything Naruto had done.

For loving him even when Naruto kept secrets hidden.

And Sasuke wasn't an idiot. He knew when Naruto lied, and he knew that Naruto's fall was so much more than what he claimed.

But he never asked.

A knock thudded at the door, and Naruto jumped on the balls of his feet as he trotted over and swung the door open with a smile. But that smile disappeared into a frown as the familiar face of Sasuke was replaced by Inoichi. He held a stuffed animal in his arms. A black and white fish to go with the purple and blue one.

Naruto narrowed his eyes, glancing at the back wall to check the time. He was meant to go to Inoichi's office at noon, and it was only seven.

"What are you doing?" He said, cocking his head to the side.

They weren't even having the session in Naruto's apartment. Both of them agreed upon the office, that way Naruto didn't have to kick himself out of the apartment to get away from Inoichi if the need arose.

Inoichi quirked a brow, holding out the stuffed fish.

"Sasuke asked me to give it to you." Inoichi said as he scratched the back of his head, "apparently the blue fish didn't look right next to a dolphin."

Naruto furrowed his brows and listened as the door creak when Inoichi tried to let himself in further. But this was not the plan. Sasuke was supposed to be coming over. Not Inoichi. So before he could take another step, Naruto slammed the door in his face.

He was _supposed_ to have a couple more hours left.

"It's not noon." Naruto said as Inoichi rapped on the door again.

"Tsunade wanted the session to take place where you feel safe. So I'm here now..."

Naruto's fingers twitched. That didn't explain the timing of his arrival. Besides, Naruto made no agreement on a change of location. So why the hell would they do this now? Weren't they trying to make amends or something?

No. Not amends.

They merely wanted to fix what they'd broken.

Or maybe they just wanted forgiveness.

 _Like I'd give them that._

Naruto scowled. "Go to hell." He said, hoping his voice didn't become too muffled by the closed door.

"At least let me explai—"

"Not until noon."

"But—"

" _Not until noon."_

Naruto dug his fingers into his trousers. There was a schedule to this. Sasuke came at seven, and Naruto would meet Inoichi at twelve. After that, Naruto's time was to himself. He could do anything he wanted so long as it took place in the safety of his apartment. No one was going to disrupt that schedule. _No one._

Yet they did.

"And where's Sasuke?" Naruto said.

The floor creaked under Inoichi's weight, and for half a second, he imagined him falling onto the next floor.

"He won't be coming today."

Naruto's chest tightened. Why? Did Sasuke have something to do with this? Had he made some sort of sick agreement to turn Naruto's day around?

"Sasuke said you didn't have any plans." Inoichi said, "we wanted to make sure there was no one to influence your mood before the session."

" _You're_ influencing my mood."

"That's kind of the point."

Naruto's back straightened. What did that mean? Were they trying to put him in a foul mood? To make him hate them even more? It had to have been some sort of game. How else could anyone make sense of this? They hadn't even consulted him before making these decisions.

 _And why would they?_

Without thinking, he swung the door open with enough force to slam into the wall. He heard the crackle of the wall break, most likely from the doorknob. But repairs he could worry about later. Right now, he needed to figure out what the fuck was happening.

Inoichi flinched. His shoulders hunched into his neck, and he held the fish under his armpit.

"Explain." Naruto said.

Inoichi shifted, eyes looking anywhere except at Naruto.

"We're still... figuring out how this whole therapy thing works. Tsunade only put emphasis on mental health after she met Sasuke, so we've only got three years worth of experience. This was something... Tsunade wanted to test out. You know, to see how you'd react to a schedule change."

Naruto seethed, his heart racing loud enough that it rung through his ears. They truly had no idea what they were doing. Naruto's entire day, the schedule he planned out, was destroyed. Now he didn't even get to see Sasuke, and somehow this was supposed to help him?

 **Even more reason to hate them.** Kyuubi said.

 _Damn straight._

"No." He said, "I'll meet you at your office at noon, we'll see how the damn session goes, and after that, I may or may not continue with your sick version of therapy."

He saw Inoichi's throat bob as he swallowed, and a sick feeling of satisfaction overwhelmed Naruto as Inoichi took a step back and nodded shakily. It was that same fear that they'd forced upon Naruto all these years, and it was his turn to make them feel that way. If they thought that _this_ was how they were going to fix him, then they had another thing coming.

Naruto wouldn't let them use the same tactics to fix him that they'd used to destroy him. _He_ chose his own schedule. _He_ decided if he wanted this—this therapy, and _he'd_ be the one to decide if it was even worth staying here.

No one, not Tsunade, not Inoichi, and not even Sasuke, got a say in this.

So he slammed the door again, and was relieved when there was no longer a knock at the door.

* * *

He arrived at the office ten minutes early. The receptionist was nice enough. Unfamiliar with him, naturally, because she'd smiled and been kind. And the only people who did that were those who didn't know of him.

There was hardly anyone with that kind of ignorance, so he was glad to find one person.

Inoichi, for his part, said nothing except his name when noon struck, and Naruto warily walked through the corridor. The flooring was carpet, a brownish gray that could have been mistaken for vomit. And the walls weren't white like most hospitals. Instead they were colored blue, a soothing color, Naruto had to admit, one that even made his body relax some.

But he couldn't relax here, especially after that stunt they'd pulled.

Once they arrived at a room with a couch in the middle and a dollhouse in the corner, Inoichi sat in an office chair, one lacking a desk. He crossed his legs, and pulled out a notepad. He gestured for Naruto to take a seat on the sofa, and Naruto did so without hesitation.

"I'd like to apologize for this morning." Inoichi said, "as I was saying then, we're still uncertain about most techniques we use, and are still experimenting with it. While I do agree that what we did was rude and completely unacceptable, I would like you to understand that it was all to make certain that we're doing this right, and sometimes these tests do come out wrong."

Naruto narrowed his eyes as he nodded slowly. It didn't quite make sense. Why ruin his day for a test they didn't know would work? Why not just talk at the scheduled time like they did with Sasuke? Why perform any sort of test that could make everything go astray?

They wanted to do this right, didn't they? Why do something so obviously awful?

"What were you trying to accomplish?"

Inoichi swallowed. "We... wanted to see how open you'd react to a sudden change of plans."

Naruto pursed his lips. So they wanted him to talk, huh? Sasuke said that he didn't have to talk about anything he didn't want to. But did that still apply if they manipulated him into it? Naruto did have a tendency to say things he didn't want to when angry. Did Sarutobi have some sort of record of that? And did they use it to try to force words out of him?

"Why?"

"Because you didn't have any plans today except this. We wanted—"

"To make sure I don't get time to relax?"

"No, we—"

"Then what were you doing?"

Inoichi sighed. "Being shitty people, I guess." He shrugged, a frown marring his face. "We've done similar tests on Sasuke. He never reacted—" He shook his head slowly. "I don't believe it's getting the results we wish for."

"How shocking." Naruto said, "it's almost like you _are_ shitty people."

Inoichi narrowed his eyes. "That's a wide range of people you're calling out."

"Are there that many therapists in Konoha?" He said, "cause if there are, I think I want a new one."

Or none at all.

Inoichi rolled his head back, a heavy sigh leaving his lips. "Can't really blame you for that. But no. There aren't many therapists. As I said before, this is a new science—"

"And it's lacking in any common sense."

"No, it's—"

"Horrible? Invasive? Manipulative? Let me know when I'm—"

He would have kept going, but Inoichi's face turned serious, and his voice sharp. "We do everything that we can."

Naruto narrowed his eyes. "Sometimes that's not enough." He said as he stood from the sofa.

He couldn't bother with this, not now and not ever.

It took too much effort, anyways.

"Tell Tsunade I'm done with therapy. It's not like I ever needed it, anyways. Orochimaru had a better mental health system than you people."

"Naruto—"

And like hell he'd let Inoichi finish, so for the third time, he slammed the door in his face.

* * *

He was stuck here.

No matter what alternative Naruto thought of, everything led to either his capture or his death. There were ninja all over the Elemental Nations, and all of them were trained to kill. He wouldn't survive there. Not on his own. Not with his skills.

Not when all he seemed capable of was healing.

And it wasn't like he could go back to Orochimaru.

But he couldn't stay here, either.

So he packed all the necessities in case there came a day when he grew desperate enough to leave, but until then, he would enjoy his time with Sasuke.

He closed his eyes. Sasuke was the only good thing in Konoha.

The only good person.

* * *

Sasuke had been trying to get Naruto to leave the apartment for weeks, and after a significant and humiliating amount of—dare he say it... _begging_ , Naruto finally agreed.

It was Sakura's birthday party. All of Konoha eleven was there. Kiba was shouting at the top of his lungs and was piss poor drunk. Sasuke still couldn't believe people would put themselves in such a vulnerable position like that—even if he had done so in the past, but that wasn't for fun as much as for coping— and his reasons for it and Kiba's reasons couldn't even compare.

He closed his eyes. No. That wasn't true. Sasuke had made himself vulnerable just as Kiba had. The reasons for it didn't matter.

 _Even if mine are better._

"Can we eat cake now?" Chouji said. Sasuke rolled his eyes. He didn't know Chouji well, but every time they saw each other, he was stuffing himself with food.

"Not until I open the presents." Sakura said, "oh, I bet Sasuke got me something good."

"And I hope he didn't." Naruto muttered. He'd been by Sasuke's side the entire time, occasionally clasping onto his shirt before retreating his hand back. Sasuke wanted to tell him that he could cling as much as he needed. He wanted to say that it didn't matter how close he got to Sasuke. But he also knew he couldn't coddle Naruto. He needed to learn to get out of his apartment, and letting him cling like that wasn't healthy.

 _It's still a step forward_. He thought.

And if it weren't for the fact that Sasuke knew Naruto was unhealthy, he would have found the clinginess funny.

Or annoying.

He honestly didn't know which one.

But Naruto ensured that Sasuke was the only one to hear. And perhaps he felt safe enough saying that because he hadn't caught onto the fact that Sasuke didn't mind Sakura so much. She had grown so much more mature over the years, even if she did occasionally pine after him openly. She'd cut her hair, too. It was safer that way as a ninja, and it seemed she also preferred it short over long.

He sighed. If not for their history, Naruto would have liked her, might have even crushed on her. But with Naruto's stubbornness and Sakura's childhood immaturity, it was doubtful they'd ever become friends.

"I don't like this." Naruto whispered, intertwining his hand into Sasuke's. Sasuke closed his eyes, feeling the sweat and heat of Naruto's hand. Even that simple touch—it was enough to make him want to kiss Naruto again.

But now wasn't the time, especially since Sasuke had yet to convince Naruto to give therapy another chance.

He closed his eyes. They'd really screwed up on that one.

And to think that Sasuke had agreed to it. He knew it was a bad idea. Everything in his body screamed at him to tell Tsunade no.

But he hadn't said no, because those tests never hurt _him_.

But they did hurt Naruto.

"You need to leave the apartment sometime." Sasuke said, "it's not healthy for you to be cooped up in there like that."

And Sasuke didn't know what to do with it. Naruto was, without a doubt, the most emotionally unstable person he'd ever met. He certainly wasn't violent or dangerous. No. That spot was reserved for Sasuke. But Naruto was scared and isolated and angry. Always so goddamn angry.

Even the smallest thing could set him off.

Sometimes it became too much for Sasuke to handle.

But then he remembered that it was Naruto, and none of this was his fault.

You didn't turn out the way Naruto did because you did it to yourself, after all. Someone had to have done it _to_ you.

Like what Itachi did to him.

Sasuke furrowed his brows, feeling the swirl of chakra enter and leave his eyes. This wasn't about him _or_ his brother.

It was about Naruto.

Sasuke _had_ to focus on Naruto.

"But I like being cooped up." Naruto said. "It's nice, and you always come by. So it's not like I'm alone up there."

Sasuke frowned. He honest to God had never met anyone so unwilling to step outside. "It's not healthy, though. You need sunlight, and you should be doing something productive."

"I clean my stuff. That's plenty productive."

Sasuke pursed his lips. "It's definitely _something_."

But it wasn't a job. Excluding the fifty thousand Tsunade gave him, Naruto was utterly broke. Once that money ran out, it would be nigh impossible to get it again.

Naruto could always become a ninja again, but that didn't work out too well the first time.

"Can't we just leave, Sasuke? This place is too crowded. And all our classmates are here."

He supposed that maybe they'd been here long enough. Sasuke didn't even want to come, but he couldn't find another excuse except his need for a plus one to Sakura's party, and he didn't think that it would work on Naruto. But it did, and they were here. And God did Naruto need to get out of that apartment.

"How about we stay for a little while longer?"

Naruto squeezed Sasuke's hand, moving his body closer until he could feel the heat radiating from Naruto. "But I want to leave now."

"No ones _keeping_ you here."

Naruto frowned, his brows furrowed. "I know, but..." he glanced to the door. "I can't go out there alone. It's already dark and... and people don't like me much. I shouldn't have even come here at all."

Naruto bowed his head, sinking his body onto Sasuke's arm and tilting his head into the crook of his neck. Sasuke wrapped his arm around Naruto's waist, making sure he wasn't about to fall or anything. And he wasn't. Naruto had simply wanted to lean into him, and as much as it made his stomach flutter, Sasuke knew that Naruto couldn't figure out his own feelings for a long, long time.

 _If he has any feelings, that is._

Sasuke closed his eyes, enjoying the way Naruto's body felt against his. The heat and sweat and fluttering in his stomach made his head swim with feelings that had been growing for many years now. For a time, those feelings had been a mixture of hate and love. But now Sasuke was certain of what he wanted.

This was Naruto, after all. The boy who was so much like Sasuke, but also the complete opposite. There were hard times ahead, especially since Sasuke was going to convince Naruto to go back to therapy. But Sasuke had no plans of letting him go. He would always, until the end of time, stay by Naruto's side.

Even if Naruto never felt the same way.

* * *

Author's note:

So, it's over.

That's weird.

When I first started this story, I thought it was going to be 20 chapters. 25 tops. But boy was I wrong. A whooping 35 chapters later and it's finally done. I still can't believe it. It's kind of hard to let go. I just love this story so much, and the ending shocked me just as much as I hope it shocked you. I genuinely believed Sasuke and Naruto would be together-together by the end. But that obviously isn't the case, and I much prefer it this way. It just... makes more sense.

This story has been such a big part of my life for over a year now. I've become a better writer through it, and have learned so much. It'll be weird waking up in the morning and not thinking about the fact that I need to work on this fic.

And all of you have been so supportive of this story. I can't even begin to thank you enough for how much that support means to me. I doubt I'd have gotten to the end of this fic without you wonderful people. So thank you for the reviews, subscriptions, and bookmarks.

A special thank you to noaheendless, arw165, Final Syai Lunar generation, Labrabell, redfoxshadow, longingparadise, SarcasmNChocolate, and Harusutomutaiga9900.

And an extra special thank you to Loveroffanfiction, for always being there to listen to me rant about any story I want, being an awesome beta-reader, and for leaving a review both on this website and our document. As I've said many times before, I couldn't have done this without you.

Now, before I finish this author's note, I want you all to know that I am well aware of all the unexplained plot points in this story. There are so many of them, and while I do have ideas for a sequel, I kind of want to focus on my other fanfictions right now. Someday, I hope to write that sequel. But it will not be today, and it may not be for a while.

So, it's over.

And that's so weird.


End file.
